Should a woman think marriage = kids? (as in won't marry unless kids are promised)

Should you marry someone based on if they want kids or not?

  • Yes, kids matter most.

    Votes: 9 47.4%
  • Unsure.

    Votes: 4 21.1%
  • No, kids shouldn't be a deal breaker.

    Votes: 6 31.6%

  • Total voters
    19
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Poppyseed78

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Wanting children is a deep instinctual longing that is not subject to logic or reason, and I don't think it should be. You either want them or you don't, just like you are either hungry or thirsty or you aren't. I don't see it as using someone as a means to an end.

If wanting children is something important to you, and so you choose not to date people whose view on that differs from yours, I think that's perfectly okay. Honestly, I see it as efficient and saving a lot of time and potential heartache for both people. If you don't already know each other well, then there is no harm done in going your separate ways. Why spend months or years on a relationship that will go nowhere?

I think it's best for a couple to be on the same page regarding kids, when they marry. Of course views can change later on, and that can cause problems. However, being in agreement on this (and other important issues) when you marry gives you a greater chance of success. I do think that once a couple is married, they should try to compromise as much as possible in a loving and considerate way, if they have a difference of opinion. And sometimes, even if both people want kids, it's not in the cards for them, and they have to adjust to that. Life is unpredictable, and this is not something that can necessarily be planned.

I know of men who wanted kids, and their wives didn't, and they ended up divorcing. It is not always the woman who is adamant about children and sees it as a deal-breaker.
 
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MournfulWatcher

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My problem with this is that you're kind of portraying women as selfish for wanting kids, but this is just part of how God made women and men. The primary purpose for sex is to procreate. Sex and marriage are also about the symbolism of christ and his church. What role do children have to play in this relationship? Well, Christ and his church are supposed to produce good things, in the same way a husband and a wife produce a child.

In biblical days, there was no reliable birth control, so people just had a lot of kids. You would think that they would have hated that because they wanted to live their own lives, like people want to today. But actually, a couple that couldn't bear children was considered tragic. Children help make up families, and families are central aspects to human life and society.

If you don't want kids then fine. But don't blame women for wanting children, they're just obeying their most basic instinct placed by God. Women who want kids will find men who also want kids, so don't be surprised that women are marrying men who want families.
 
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mina

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Views changing after marriage does happen. Spouses need to be completely honest with one another and revisit the issue prayerfully and humbly together, especially if they KNOW their spouse has a deep desire for either children or no children. Going into a marriage defrauding your spouse on this matter to hook them is bad. Playing along in marriage when you aware of a change can be just as damaging. Hopefully a couple is talking regularly about important things and growing together so that gradual change on a matter won't totally break them.
 
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St_Worm2

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What kind of women loves Jesus and yet acts like that to her husband? No where does the bible say marriage is about having kids. Kids if anything are a "add on" to marriage. Just like many other things are. They are optional. Now there are a few who obviously reference the whole "Go forth and multiply!" verse, but obviously they take the verse as literal and not a lesson for the people of that time, back when there were very few people on earth.

Hi NII, you were right to remember the very first commandment God gave us, and that before the Fall, in fact.

Genesis 1
27 God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.
28 God blessed them; and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth, and subdue it; and rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the sky and over every living thing that moves on the earth.”

Has the earth been filled yet? No. Did God (and/or one of the OT's human authors), or Jesus (and/or one of the NT's human authors) bring the commandment to be fruitful and multiply to an end? If you believe any of them did, please show us 'where' they did in the Bible.

As for kids, family units are the building blocks of society, and "kids", that perpetuate the family, are the principle reason that God created mankind with two sexes.

While the choice to obey or disobey God's commandment to be fruitful is between you, your wife and God, I don't believe you should teach others that God ended the commandment for a married couple to be fruitful and multiply today .. unless you have proof that He did, of course.(?)

Yours and His,
David
 
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Monna

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People should be like minded regarding children and pets when getting married. These are important issues.

Those are certainly important things, I agree, but they are not the only ones. Maybe that would be a good thread to start: "what are the things people should agree on before they marry?"
 
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NothingIsImpossible

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I could say wanting kids to the point of not marrying/divorcing someone over it would mean you are in sin since having kids has become your idol. Just as a spouse wanting constant around the clock sex would mean they made sex their idol.

The primary purpose for sex is to procreate.
Actually the bible does not say that anywhere. However if one wants to say that then one could also say sexes primary purpose is pleasure and bonding. Its one thing that surpasses most things in terms of bringing a couple even closer. Or I suppose you could say sex has two functions then. But neither is required in the bible. I mean a sexless, childless marriage probably wouldn't be for most people. But again, its never commanded we have sex or have kids.

But don't blame women for wanting children, they're just obeying their most basic instinct placed by God. Women who want kids will find men who also want kids, so don't be surprised that women are marrying men who want families.
How do you know if God placed it? I mean most people love kids of course. But I find alot of womens feeling about kids is based on what goes on around them. For example when my wife sees a new baby on facebook, she has that urge to want a kid again briefly. Just as if I see lets say a tasty food online, it makes me want to go eat that food. Then again I am not God so maybe He did give us the instinct to want kids. Though I do find it odd He didn't give it to men. If the purpose of marriage was kids, then obviously He would have gave men the instinct to want kids.

Going back to my one point though, womans urge to do alot of things goes back to the urge to bite that apple. Not saying woman can't have self control, but even from the start woman seems to have had an issue with "wanting". Again, not saying men are different. Men have urges too. However Eve was drawn to the apple first. |
Hi NII, you were right to remember the very first commandment God gave us, and that before the Fall, in fact.

Genesis 1
27 God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.
28 God blessed them; and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth, and subdue it; and rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the sky and over every living thing that moves on the earth.”

Has the earth been filled yet? No. Did God (and/or one of the OT's human authors), or Jesus (and/or one of the NT's human authors) bring the commandment to be fruitful and multiply to an end? If you believe any of them did, please show us 'where' they did in the Bible.

As for kids, family units are the building blocks of society, and "kids", that perpetuate the family, are the principle reason that God created mankind with two sexes.

While the choice to obey or disobey God's commandment to be fruitful is between you, your wife and God, I don't believe you should teach others that God ended the commandment for a married couple to be fruitful and multiply today .. unless you have proof that He did, of course.(?)

Yours and His,
David
Again I'd say its just a cherry picked verse taken out of context. If you read the whole section, its about filling the earth at a time when there is practically no one on earth. This is often the problem with many christians. They pick one single verse (or even part of one) to fit their view instead of realizing many things in the bible have whole sections dedicated to what the single verse is talking about.

For example heres a random verse:
Exodus 1:16
“When you are helping the Hebrew women during childbirth on the delivery stool, if you see that the baby is a boy, kill him; but if it is a girl, let her live.”

Ok, since its a random verse I guess it is saying any Hebrew women that has a boy, we should kill the boy right currently? You may say "But there is more to it than that, its part of a bigger section about something else!". And my response would be "Exactly!". When verses are used by themselves, we can make almost any verse fit a view we may have.

As for the earth being filled. It is filled. There are people everywhere. And supplies are slowly dwindling. But as stated, that verse was meant for that time.

As for kids, you say they are the building block of society. Some say they are our future. Our history. Our everything. But that cannot be true since the point of our current lives is to spread the "good news" and save people. Not to have kids, or to buy a boat or to cure cancer. Granted curing cancer would be good. This is why I say people overly focused on kids are making an idol of it. When I die God will not judge me and say "You had no children, you are in sin!". He will want to know (well He already does know) how many I saved. If my harvest was plentiful or if my land was barren.
 
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Archivist

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I know many women who want to have children, but some who have no desire to procreate. No one should be forced to do anything against their will, but they should be bound by their word. If a woman tells a man she is dating that she wants to have at least two children and he agrees, he shouldn't change his mind after the marriage and say that kids are just not part of his game plan. Likewise if a woman tells someone she is dating that she has no desire to have children and he agrees, he shouldn't start pressuring her to have a child after they are married. It would be the same if it was the man saying these things and the woman agreed.
 
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Monna

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I often will attribute this attitude women have about kids as the same reason sin was brought into this world. Eve wanting her way and biting the apple and then coursing (can't think of the spelling) Adam into biting it too.

Whoa!
Eve wanted her way, but don't be Adam all over again and pass the buck. Adam was responsible for his own sin, and he added to it by blaming someone else. We are all both Eve and Adam - that is the story of every one of us, not only the first time but fairly frequently. We want something we don't have, or better, we want something someone else has; and when we find out it wasn't what we expected, we find someone else to blame. At another level we go for something we like, but don't want to accept the automatic consequences.

So when we agree to something as a precursor to marriage, we need to be serious about understanding the consequences, and agreeing to accepting and living responsibly with them as well.
 
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buzuxi02

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Raising legitimate heirs is the primary reason for marriage. In most cultures marriage for older people does not exist. Only done in the west to curtail survivor benefits, alimony etc.

There really is no logical reason to marry in todays western society other than to have and raise responsible children.
 
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St_Worm2

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I could say wanting kids to the point of not marrying/divorcing someone over it would mean you are in sin since having kids has become your idol. Just as a spouse wanting constant around the clock sex would mean they made sex their idol.


Actually the bible does not say that anywhere. However if one wants to say that then one could also say sexes primary purpose is pleasure and bonding. Its one thing that surpasses most things in terms of bringing a couple even closer. Or I suppose you could say sex has two functions then. But neither is required in the bible. I mean a sexless, childless marriage probably wouldn't be for most people. But again, its never commanded we have sex or have kids.


How do you know if God placed it? I mean most people love kids of course. But I find alot of womens feeling about kids is based on what goes on around them. For example when my wife sees a new baby on facebook, she has that urge to want a kid again briefly. Just as if I see lets say a tasty food online, it makes me want to go eat that food. Then again I am not God so maybe He did give us the instinct to want kids. Though I do find it odd He didn't give it to men. If the purpose of marriage was kids, then obviously He would have gave men the instinct to want kids.

Going back to my one point though, womans urge to do alot of things goes back to the urge to bite that apple. Not saying woman can't have self control, but even from the start woman seems to have had an issue with "wanting". Again, not saying men are different. Men have urges too. However Eve was drawn to the apple first. |

Again I'd say its just a cherry picked verse taken out of context. If you read the whole section, its about filling the earth at a time when there is practically no one on earth. This is often the problem with many christians. They pick one single verse (or even part of one) to fit their view instead of realizing many things in the bible have whole sections dedicated to what the single verse is talking about.

For example heres a random verse:
Exodus 1:16
“When you are helping the Hebrew women during childbirth on the delivery stool, if you see that the baby is a boy, kill him; but if it is a girl, let her live.”

Ok, since its a random verse I guess it is saying any Hebrew women that has a boy, we should kill the boy right currently? You may say "But there is more to it than that, its part of a bigger section about something else!". And my response would be "Exactly!". When verses are used by themselves, we can make almost any verse fit a view we may have.

As for the earth being filled. It is filled. There are people everywhere. And supplies are slowly dwindling. But as stated, that verse was meant for that time.

As for kids, you say they are the building block of society. Some say they are our future. Our history. Our everything. But that cannot be true since the point of our current lives is to spread the "good news" and save people. Not to have kids, or to buy a boat or to cure cancer. Granted curing cancer would be good. This is why I say people overly focused on kids are making an idol of it. When I die God will not judge me and say "You had no children, you are in sin!". He will want to know (well He already does know) how many I saved. If my harvest was plentiful or if my land was barren.

You are, of course, free to attempt to justify your beliefs to yourself, but if you're going to "teach" them to God's people as some kind of different "truth" (since what you believe/teach in this case stands in clear opposition to the very thing God commanded us to do), please remember that there are stern warnings imposed by God where teaching His word is concerned, especially when the thing you are teaching adds to/subtracts from something in the Bible.

You need Biblical and reasonable evidence to justify your claims, but nothing you've said so far in this thread has provided us with either one.

Yours and His,
David
 
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Circumcised_Heart

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I know my view is a bit controversial but I've noticed many people are willing to split over issues like having kids. Or in most cases not even marry the person if they don't want kids. Do you think marriage equals having kids? Or do you believe something else?
What is the purpose of marriage, if not to bring forth children?
 
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chilehed

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Should a woman think marriage = kids?
Procreation is part of the essence of marriage. You may as well ask "should someone think jumping off a cliff = falling to the bottom?"

Marriage is an institution ordered toward the good of the spouses and the rearing of children. If you are closed to the idea of having children, then by definition you don't really want to get married.
 
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justme6272

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Do you think marriage equals having kids?
No.
Or do you believe something else?
It's whatever the couple decides to TRY for after discussing it during their engagement, always aligned with the will of God. It's a mistake not to discuss it in advance.
I'll start with the obvious, the desire a woman has to have a child is crazy strong.
It's not obvious. There are women who don't want kids and some women would take offense to that statement as painting with a broom. Anyone who gets married assuming the other person wants what they want is foolish and much of what you've described is easily avoidable.
I find women to be so kid crazy that they ignore logic or reason on the issue.
There's that 'c' word again. A strong desire for kids is not crazy, and not communicating that desire during courtship is not wise. It should also be understood that should the couple be unable to conceive, (since there are no guarantees to anyone), the marriage will go on, with or without attempting adoption. It sounds like some people you know could have used some pre-marital counseling with a decent counselor if they couldn't think of such things to discuss on their own.
When I was looking for a good christian wife online I got no messages from anyone when my profile said "Wants kids: No". This went on for months. And the moment I switched it to "Wants kids: Maybe", suddenly I got a message every week from someone new. And one time (at another site) I said I wanted kids for sure. I got messages daily.
Sounds like game playing unless you had given up and were just conducting an informal experiment to see what would happen. Still, it's wasting their time. Not good, especially with such a serious topic.
So to say you may/may not love someone based on if they want kids goes to show the real motive behind wanting to get married.
If the woman you're describing is smart, she'll make her wishes known to the man and find out his before falling too deep.
The man is simply a means to an end.
The words 'sperm donor' come to mind. It's nothing new. If that's all they want, a man should be thankful they found out before it was too late. Such a woman would be far from the first to marry a man because her clock was ticking, only to divorce him come empty-nest time. It happened to a friend I've known since grade school. She admitted when they divorced she never loved him and only wanted kids, not him. At least that's what he says. I once heard a man say, 'there's his side, there's her side, and then there's the truth.'
The selfishness can be seen in marriages where the husband doesn't want kids or doesn't want them yet. The woman will play games with the husband until he gives in out of guilt (she guilts him). Then when kids are born and the father isn't great at it, then the wife hates the husband despite the fact the wife forced the husband into having kids.
Add this scenario to the rest of life's 'games.' Doesn't sound like a godly marriage to begin with.
I don't bring all this up because of my marriage, we are doing good about not wanting kids at this point. But a few couples online at a group we are part of are fighting over the issue. One woman said if she would have known her husband didn't want kids, she would have never married him and currently refuses to have sex with him, to do chores, to help him at all until he changes his mind or divorces her.
If you're not a trained Christian marriage counselor, stay out of it, even if you have an opinion. They should never know your opinion. If you are, and they are good friends, stay out of it and refer them to someone else lest your friendship be destroyed for taking sides.
What kind of women loves Jesus and yet acts like that to her husband?
My oxymoron detector just went off.
Sadly more and more christians think life should go how they want instead of realizing its not about what we want, its about what He wants. Maybe He doesn't want some couples to have kids because He has bigger plans.
Bingo. Sounds like you're awake and smelling the coffee. I would estimate that such a realization puts you in the top 1-5% of church going Christians in that regard, not to mention the rest of the world. I hope you stick with that program, even when others in the church, including pastoral staff, refuse. ~ Luke 16:18 [/QUOTE]
 
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Sketcher

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There really is no logical reason to marry in todays western society other than to have and raise responsible children.
For men, given the biases in divorce law and family court, yes. You also have to assume that she will want children - if not now, then later when she really starts to hear the biological clock tick.
 
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HandstoWorkHeartstoGod

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I think perhaps it bothers you that you don't have as big a pool of women to choose as marriage partners. Only you would know that for sure. That is life. Life is not always fair to anyone, not to yourself or myself. I am sure there is a way to find Christian women who don't want children with marriage. God can certainly lead the way! Try a Christian artist, dramatic actress, journalist, very creative type. Christian woman with INTJ or ENTJ personality type (thinking, not feeling personality) would be a good fit for a marriage partner. Maybe a more liberal leaning Christian woman who is passionate about traveling and missionary work?
 
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Paidiske

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... they are part of the modern age feminist movement. And yes, that does play a role in divorces.

This "feminism is bad" trope keeps coming up, so let's look at it for a moment.

Yes, feminists pushed for no-fault divorce. Why? Because before that, the only grounds for divorce (in most places) were adultery or cruelty, and if someone, say, needed to get out of an abusive marriage, they would need to go through the difficult process of providing adequate proof for a court to rule in their favour.

Since no-fault divorce has come in, the divorce rate has gone up, but the domestic violence and female suicide rates have gone down. Seems to me that having the option to leave, in certain circumstances, saves lives. Why wouldn't feminists (or any ethical human being) think that's a good thing?

(And I'm still wishing people would hear some of us women saying not every woman wants children. Not all of us have that biological imperative. I certainly never did! The untrue generalisations are not helpful in this discussion)
 
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HandstoWorkHeartstoGod

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If you both agree, it should not be a problem for one of you to become sterilized before marriage. I don't see a problem with doing this. In laws,on both sides, do not get to weigh in on future grandchildren. They will not be raising them. Averting the possibility of abortion by becoming sterile before marriage would be a good idea.
You might be surprised to know that I am a more traditional type of woman in a great marriage of almost thirty years. However, I am flexible enough to encourage you to think and pray about all the options and see where God leads.
 
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NothingIsImpossible

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Well being bound to your word doesn't make much sense. Just as promising something doesn't make sense. For example if I tell my wife we will grow old together, but then I die a month from now, my promise will be broken. Same with kids. You can promise them, but it doesn't mean things can't change. For example after marriage a man finds out his count is to low and he can't have kids. Does this mean he broke his promise? Nope. Just means life changes.

You are, of course, free to attempt to justify your beliefs to yourself, but if you're going to "teach" them to God's people as some kind of different "truth" (since what you believe/teach in this case stands in clear opposition to the very thing God commanded us to do), please remember that there are stern warnings imposed by God where teaching His word is concerned, especially when the thing you are teaching adds to/subtracts from something in the Bible.

You need Biblical and reasonable evidence to justify your claims, but nothing you've said so far in this thread has provided us with either one.
Your only evidence is a cherry picked verse based on a command for when earth had almost no one on it. My evidence already shows that verse needs to be taken in whole with the rest of the paragraphs around it. And furthermore you have not shown evidence where God says we must have children and that sex is only about children. Especially since sex is in the mix too. I'd just say you to should be careful about twisting Gods teaching to meet your views.

What is the purpose of marriage, if not to bring forth children?
Well it has many purposes. Legally it has benefits of course. Biblically its the only way you can have sex without sin. Because sex bonds a couple together on a higher level. Children are just the result of sex (if no protection is used). You don't marry to have sex so you can have kids. Because that would mean your only desire was not marriage or sex or whatever, just kids. If this is the case, no one needs to marry. Just adopt kids and stay single.

Actually that does bring up another good point. You won't see someone single adopt. Nor will you really see a married couple adopt. They want their own flesh and blood child from their dna. If children matter that much then why does it matter if the child is adopted or not? Are kids for adoption not worthy of being someones child? You could also talk about selfishness on this end of things too.

Worse case scenario for my wife and I is adopting a child from her country.

Procreation is part of the essence of marriage. You may as well ask "should someone think jumping off a cliff = falling to the bottom?"

Marriage is an institution ordered toward the good of the spouses and the rearing of children. If you are closed to the idea of having children, then by definition you don't really want to get married.
I think you mean the word sex. Not procreation. Sex is the essence of marriage (among things like closeness, love, support). Procreation would imply sex = pregnancy. But since sex doesn't equal pregnency, then sex is the primary function, pregnancy just stems from sex in some cases. Then again technically there are various forms of sex. And some don't involve pregnanacy at all because they have nothing to do with it.

I do realize some denominations believe you MUST have kids or else. Such as my friend whos first wife left him after a year because she couldn't get pregnant. The church said she had the right to do so because you have to concieve within a year or the marriage is not legit.

There's that 'c' word again. A strong desire for kids is not crazy...
Well perhaps its not the right word. But struggle turns into crazy when you tell someone they must have kids in order to marry. Or if you leave said person if they are unable to have kids later on. Maybe I could replace crazy for the word addiction?

Add this scenario to the rest of life's 'games.' Doesn't sound like a godly marriage to begin with.
I guess that was more of the point of this topic, the more complicated cases where the wife (or the husband) becomes nasty and vile about the fact the other spouse doesn't want kids.

If you're not a trained Christian marriage counselor, stay out of it, even if you have an opinion. They should never know your opinion. If you are, and they are good friends, stay out of it and refer them to someone else lest your friendship be destroyed for taking sides.
Actually I am at some point training to become a counselor in general. People are always asking for me to become one. Though marriage is a more complex subject to counsel people on. If I were given a case where I had to tell a couple something about a situation where one suddenly didn't want children, it would be hard to know what exactly to say. I guess I'd just say lifes not always fair. Sometimes we scarifice more then we ever wanted. But maybe God has other plans. Or maybe God is waiting on the kids subject until something else is resolved. One thing I would not do is mention leaving the pesron. I'd also mention they need to expand on why the one doesn't want kids. Maybe bring up adoption....etc.

I'm better at helpign those who struggle in life. Whether it be not understanding why they suffer or maybe sickness or things like that. While I am good at marriage counseling many people, the child end I stay out of for obvious reasons. I realize my views are in the minority.

Though all that aside, these people I see arguing I am talking about aren't like good friends or anything. Maybe more so just mutual acquaintances. Though when it comes to such things I tend to stay out of it as you can't give any advice based on outside views since people tend to hide views oe slant the truth.

I think perhaps it bothers you that you don't have as big a pool of women to choose as marriage partners.
This is true. I spent more then a decade searching. And no women would even consider why I didn't want kids. They just heard the words and backed out. In my case (if it matters) I didn't want kids because I am disabled and on government assistance. I also live at home (for now at least until my wifes job is better). I also have worries about passing on certain health issues. And on top of it I have migraines 15-20 times a month. I can't always be reliable (throw in my memory issues and other health issues) so I don't think I could handle a child. I love kids.... like REALLY love them. But things would have to be working out just right to consider having them.

My wife and I have agreed if the time is right, we will have at least one. A girl hopefully. But we also accepted if the time never works out right, we may not have any. Adoption is a possibility of course but its very expensive.

To add to the searching I had done, those who were okay with no kids or "maybe" also had those mile long lists. They mostly wanted someone like Brad Pitt. More of vanity things then anything else. So the few people I have dated were usually not "normal" in terms of how they look or health issues...etc. Because they, like me, realized that having kids would be hard to do.
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This "feminism is bad" trope keeps coming up, so let's look at it for a moment.

Yes, feminists pushed for no-fault divorce. Why? Because before that, the only grounds for divorce (in most places) were adultery or cruelty, and if someone, say, needed to get out of an abusive marriage, they would need to go through the difficult process of providing adequate proof for a court to rule in their favour.

Since no-fault divorce has come in, the divorce rate has gone up, but the domestic violence and female suicide rates have gone down. Seems to me that having the option to leave, in certain circumstances, saves lives. Why wouldn't feminists (or any ethical human being) think that's a good thing?

(And I'm still wishing people would hear some of us women saying not every woman wants children. Not all of us have that biological imperative. I certainly never did! The untrue generalisations are not helpful in this discussion)
Oh like I said there is nothing wrong with the old version of feminism. Such as wanting equal pay, fair employment, equal healthcare, rights to vote...etc.
 
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I know my view is a bit controversial but I've noticed many people are willing to split over issues like having kids. Or in most cases not even marry the person if they don't want kids. Do you think marriage equals having kids? Or do you believe something else?

I'll start with the obvious, the desire a woman has to have a child is crazy strong. So not having a kid is hard to accept. Which is why I find women to be so kid crazy that they ignore logic or reason on the issue. When I was looking for a good christian wife online I got no messages from anyone when my profile said "Wants kids: No". This went on for months. And the moment I switched it to "Wants kids: Maybe", suddenly I got a message every week from someone new. And one time (at another site) I said I wanted kids for sure. I got messages daily.

It wasn't shocking though I did feel women are selfish about the issue. They often say the man is the selfish one for not wanting kids. But I fail to see how. When you marry someone you do so because you want to spend your life with them, because you love them. So to say you may/may not love someone based on if they want kids goes to show the real motive behind wanting to get married. The man is simply a means to an end.

The selfishness can be seen in marriages where the husband doesn't want kids or doesn't want them yet. The woman will play games with the husband until he gives in out of guilt (she guilts him). Then when kids are born and the father isn't great at it, then the wife hates the husband despite the fact the wife forced the husband into having kids.

I don't bring all this up because of my marriage, we are doing good about not wanting kids at this point. But a few couples online at a group we are part of are fighting over the issue. One woman said if she would have known her husband didn't want kids, she would have never married him and currently refuses to have sex with him, to do chores, to help him at all until he changes his mind or divorces her.

What kind of women loves Jesus and yet acts like that to her husband? No where does the bible say marriage is about having kids. Kids if anything are a "add on" to marriage. Just like many other things are. They are optional. Now there are a few who obviously reference the whole "Go forth and multiply!" verse, but obviously they take the verse as literal and not a lesson for the people of that time, back when there were very few people on earth.

I often will attribute this attitude women have about kids as the same reason sin was brought into this world. Eve wanting her way and biting the apple and then coursing (can't think of the spelling) Adam into biting it too. Anyways, this thread has no real point other than to share my view on this.

Also I should note life isn't fair. So being told no kids is just part of life. Just as being told you have lost a kidney. Or you have lost a job. Or you have 10 days to live. Sadly more and more christians think life should go how they want instead of realizing its not about what we want, its about what He wants. Maybe He doesn't want some couples to have kids because He has bigger plans.

Hahaha, interesting logic. Great you did find a child-free minded wife. It's good. However, your blaiming women as selfish and hypocritical for wanting to marry a man and to have children is funny. To you, it's a proof of no genuine love towards the man. As if both can't be combined: loving a man for who he is and desiring to bring forth children. To critisize women for God-given instinct of maternity won't ever erase it. It's the same as demanding purely platonic relationship from men. Ain't gonna happen any time soon.
 
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