Feeling very isolated

[Poppyseed78]

Hi all. This is going to be a super long post. Thank you in advance for reading.

 

[faroukfarouk]

Hi all. This is going to be a super long post. Thank you in advance for reading.

I'm a stay at home mom with a baby, and my husband and I are pretty isolated. He was always Christian and I was saved 8 years ago. Over the years I have lost a lot of friends due to my faith. This is one of the reasons I joined this website, to gain a sense of community.

We do attend church, but rarely because I have chronic pain that makes it hard to leave the house. I don't have a working car of my own. My husband has a lot of work-related stress. Four years ago, at a family gathering, my husband's relatives attacked us because we decided to go to a different church than the one his aunt works at. We felt that the sermons weren't challenging us and helping us grow in our relationship with Christ, so we found another church. Anyway, my husband's grandmother accused me of "ruining" my husband, and his aunt said that he "used to be a good Christian, and now he's not" because of me. They never apologized. We have stopped attending most family gatherings and holidays because of this. It was deeply hurtful. Prior to that, we attended everything, and so now we're even more isolated.

The reason I sought out God in the first place was that, almost a decade ago, I was in an abusive relationship. I prayed, and God gave me the strength to leave. When I mentioned this to my (atheist/agnostic) friends, they got mad at me and said that I shouldn't give the credit to God, I did it on my own. They stopped talking to me, and those friendships faded.

Then last year, on Facebook, the wife of one of my husband's friends made a post asking how anyone who calls themselves Christian could believe in the death penalty. I didn't realize this was a rhetorical question, and I answered. She proceeded to call me a monster and said that I clearly didn't value human life. I said that it is precisely because I DO value human life that I believe that murderers should be executed. She said that she belongs to a church (Community of Christ; also called Re-organized Church of LDS) that believes that all life is precious. I de-friended her. This whole group of "friends" proceeded to stop inviting us to anything. I feel guilty because my husband had been friends with those guys since high school, and my actions resulted in ending the friendship. He's not angry at me; in fact, he's proud that I spoke up for what I believe in.

At this point, we have no friends and pretty much no family. My sister lives far away and doesn't want to listen to my problems. When we talk on the phone, she talks for an hour while I listen, and then she's done. If I try to get a word in edgewise, she zones out. She has said that at least I'm married, so I don't really have any problems (she is single). My mom subscribes to some cult-like beliefs and worships a fraudulent shaman =(. She is also extremely critical and tries to force me to live my life the way she thinks I should. I feel guilty for saying this, because I know she loves me and wants me to be happy.

I feel like I am surrounded by people who are toxic. Every day I am in physical pain, constant pain, every waking moment. I've been to numerous specialists many times, with no solution. I have no one to talk to. I am stuck in the house most of the time. My husband is a huge source of support for me, but like I said earlier, he has his own stress. It just feels like every day is such a struggle. I pray for a day without pain, and sometimes God blesses me with it. Those days are such a gift.

I don't know what kind of response I'm looking for here. Please don't suggest I seek counseling. I have no transportation. Getting out of the house is a challenge. I am feeling so hopeless right now. Every so often this happens, but with prayer, I regain the strength to keep going.

Hi there; good to see you on the forums.

If I were you, if political discussions get you and others all fired up negatively, then it's best to avoid them; its good to have a daily, prayerful Bible reading habit; and John's First Epistle (after 1 & 2 Peter and before 2 & 3 John) speaks about fellowship with one another as being founded on walking in the light; and 'truly our fellowship is with the Father, and with His Son Jesus Christ'. In other words, the vertical relation with God comes first, then the interpersonal.

I hope you manage to get suitable regular medical attention for your health issues.

Sounds like you and dh are really blessed with your child.

 

[Poppyseed78]

Thank you for your reply!

Yes, it does seem like the lesson to be learned here is to not depend on other people for friendship. It is God that I should be looking to for wisdom. I think we have "yoked" ourselves with people who would drag us down, and we're better off without them. It's funny - I used to think that people who disagree could have a respectful discussion/debate, but I no longer think that's the case. Being called a "monster" by someone I considered a friend showed me that I need to be more discerning in the type of person with whom I choose to be friends.

I admit that in the past few months I have neglected my daily Bible reading, so that is something I have to pick up again. It is truly replenishing for the soul.

 

[faroukfarouk]

Thank you for your reply!

Yes, it does seem like the lesson to be learned here is to not depend on other people for friendship. It is God that I should be looking to for wisdom. I think we have "yoked" ourselves with people who would drag us down, and we're better off without them. It's funny - I used to think that people who disagree could have a respectful discussion/debate, but I no longer think that's the case. Being called a "monster" by someone I considered a friend showed me that I need to be more discerning in the type of person with whom I choose to be friends.

I admit that in the past few months I have neglected my daily Bible reading, so that is something I have to pick up again. It is truly replenishing for the soul.

Yes, prayerful, Bible reading always brings its rewards.

'Turn your eyes upon Jesus, Look into His wonderful face,
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim, in the light of His glory and grace.'

 

[ToBeLoved]

I would also advise you to watch what you speak about other people about. What I mean by this is sometimes people that like controversy or are argumentative or unhappy themselves will try to get others in conversations that you must take a stand on a topic one way or the other. These types of people are toxic to our lives and you know what, we do NOT have to answer their questions or engage in their conversations.

One of the things I have learned over the years about peace is that many times it is what you DO NOT say that keeps peace. Don't let people trap you into conversations you do not want to have. It can be as simple as saying 'That is personal and I don't really discuss it' or 'I stay away from that topic as it seems to be controversial'.

I use to feel like I 'owed' it to the other person who asked me the question to answer it, but we are to be longsuffering and keepers of peace.

God bless you and stay strong.

 

[Poppyseed78]

Thanks for your reply!

You are right, we don't owe it to anyone to engage. I feel somewhat torn in that I feel that we should not conceal our beliefs, but at the same time, walking into a trap for someone else to do nothing but bash us is helpful to no one. There are people who are honestly interested in learning and discussing and those who are not. I discovered it's not healthy for me to get involved in controversial discussions, so I'm going to distance myself in the future. While I am proud of what I believe in, there is a time and a place to share it. Mat 7:6 “Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you.”

 

[faroukfarouk]

I would also advise you to watch what you speak about other people about. What I mean by this is sometimes people that like controversy or are argumentative or unhappy themselves will try to get others in conversations that you must take a stand on a topic one way or the other. These types of people are toxic to our lives and you know what, we do NOT have to answer their questions or engage in their conversations.

One of the things I have learned over the years about peace is that many times it is what you DO NOT say that keeps peace. Don't let people trap you into conversations you do not want to have. It can be as simple as saying 'That is personal and I don't really discuss it' or 'I stay away from that topic as it seems to be controversial'.

I use to feel like I 'owed' it to the other person who asked me the question to answer it, but we are to be longsuffering and keepers of peace.

God bless you and stay strong.

Good comments! and I love how Philippians 4 speaks of 'the God of peace' being with Christians against the background of prayer, joyfulness and thanksgiving. 1 Thess. 5 has some very similar verses also.

 

[faroukfarouk]

Thanks for your reply!

You are right, we don't owe it to anyone to engage. I feel somewhat torn in that I feel that we should not conceal our beliefs, but at the same time, walking into a trap for someone else to do nothing but bash us is helpful to no one. There are people who are honestly interested in learning and discussing and those who are not. I discovered it's not healthy for me to get involved in controversial discussions, so I'm going to distance myself in the future. While I am proud of what I believe in, there is a time and a place to share it. Mat 7:6 “Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you.”

It's like, "I want to reach out to people", but most preferably about wholesome and faith honoring themes!

 

[victorinus]

My sister lives far away and doesn't want to listen to my problems.

-who would?
-you have a baby and a husband with a job
-take care of them
-and-
they will take care of you

 

[Poppyseed78]

-who would?
-you have a baby and a husband with a job
-take care of them
-and-
they will take care of you

.

 

[victorinus]

I'm sorry, but this is completely not helpful.

take care of your baby and your husband -
thank God every day that you have them -
ask God for help -

 

[Poppyseed78]

take care of your baby and your husband -
thank God every day that you have them -
ask God for help -

I do thank God every day that I have them, because they are what gives me the strength to keep going. I pray daily, asking for strength, for relief, even just a few minutes, so that I can smile and laugh and enjoy my baby instead of being pre-occupied with the pain.

 

[victorinus]

I do thank God every day that I have them, because they are what gives me the strength to keep going. I pray daily, asking for strength, for relief, even just a few minutes, so that I can smile and laugh and enjoy my baby instead of being pre-occupied with the pain.

God has already blessed you and will continue to do so if you ask Him for help

 

[faroukfarouk]

I'm sorry, but this is completely not helpful. People can still have problems and struggles even if they are married and have children. I'm in constant physical pain, every waking moment. Right now I'm at the brink of tears, but I can't cry because that makes the pain worse. My sister doesn't care and says "oh just ignore the pain, it can't be that bad." THIS is why she is single, because she lacks compassion for other people. I never brag about what I have to her; in fact, I don't mention my husband or child at all, unless she asks, because she only wants to talk about herself. And I always make time to listen to her tell me about her new pair of shoes or new dress, because that's what she wants to talk about.

I am in pain to the point where I cannot imagine living another day, sometimes. So while I am blessed, I also do have struggles. My husband is severely depressed with a job that he hates and is seriously considering just walking out one day and never coming back.

I think you need to slow your roll with the "Who would want to listen to you"? If someone came in and said they had cancer, but they were married with a child, would you say "Buck up, buttercup, at least you're married?"

Do me a favor and don't bother coming back to reply. Please. I have enough people in my life who treat me like crap. My abusive ex-boyfriend used to call me a brain-dead retard daily, for years. I don't need more degradation from Internet strangers.

Sorry about your continuing difficulties. Is there a pain clinic in your local hospital? Some places have pain clinics which have a team which specializes in pain management in all its aspects I know funding schemes vary enormously from place to place, but I do hear of ppl going regularly to pain clinics.

I do find Philippians a very searching book. Centred on the Lord Jesus, suffering and joy are important themes.

 

[Poppyseed78]

Sorry about your continuing difficulties. Is there a pain clinic in your local hospital? Some places have pain clinics which have a team which specializes in pain management in all its aspects I know funding schemes vary enormously from place to place, but I do hear of ppl going regularly to pain clinics.

I do find Philippians a very searching book. Centred on the Lord Jesus, suffering and joy are important themes.

About a month ago I actually got a referral for some specialists at a teaching hospital in the area because my current course of treatment hasn't been working. I didn't schedule an appointment yet but plan to do so. My husband will have to take a day off to drive me as we have only one working car right now. Maybe these new doctors can help.

 

[faroukfarouk]

About a month ago I actually got a referral for some specialists at a teaching hospital in the area because my current course of treatment hasn't been working. I didn't schedule an appointment yet but plan to do so. My husband will have to take a day off to drive me as we have only one working car right now. Maybe these new doctors can help.

Well, this sounds like a good possibility for you also; a good development.

 

[ToBeLoved]

I'm sorry, but this is completely not helpful. People can still have problems and struggles even if they are married and have children. I'm in constant physical pain, every waking moment. Right now I'm at the brink of tears, but I can't cry because that makes the pain worse. My sister doesn't care and says "oh just ignore the pain, it can't be that bad." THIS is why she is single, because she lacks compassion for other people. I never brag about what I have to her; in fact, I don't mention my husband or child at all, unless she asks, because she only wants to talk about herself. And I always make time to listen to her tell me about her new pair of shoes or new dress, because that's what she wants to talk about.

I am in pain to the point where I cannot imagine living another day, sometimes. So while I am blessed, I also do have struggles. My husband is severely depressed with a job that he hates and is seriously considering just walking out one day and never coming back.

I think you need to slow your roll with the "Who would want to listen to you"? If someone came in and said they had cancer, but they were married with a child, would you say "Buck up, buttercup, at least you're married?"

Do me a favor and don't bother coming back to reply. Please. I have enough people in my life who treat me like crap. My abusive ex-boyfriend used to call me a brain-dead retard daily, for years. I don't need more degradation from Internet strangers.

My thoughts exactly sister

 

[ToBeLoved]

God has already blessed you and will continue to do so if you ask Him for help

You speak arrogantly as one who will give a popular Bible verse as a fix-all in everyone's lives. Very helpful. Not.

Find Jesus love, mercy and patience when you talk with people. It is much more Christian than cold retorte.

 

[thesunisout]

Hi all. This is going to be a super long post. Thank you in advance for reading.

I'm a stay at home mom with a baby, and my husband and I are pretty isolated. He was always Christian and I was saved 8 years ago. Over the years I have lost a lot of friends due to my faith. This is one of the reasons I joined this website, to gain a sense of community.

Hello,

I quoted your post to that point above because that is really what you need. The body of Christ is a community, but more than that, it is fellowship and unity in the Holy Spirit. None of us can do well without some connection to other believers, because we are designed that way. Just as a hand cannot do well detached from the body, neither can we. Satan is always trying to separate and isolate believers, and then drown them in their problems. Our biggest problem often times though is having the wrong perspective. It's like you said, you feel hopeless and that is because you aren't resting on the blood atonement of Jesus Christ for our sins which saved you and I. Our joy starts not at having the right situation but at the cross, where we must die to ourselves daily. When we die to ourselves and give our problems, anxieties and concerns to Jesus, He gives us the peace that passes all understanding (Philippians 4:6-7)

I realize it is hard, and I don't know what you're going through. I am praying for Gods grace on you. However, you have to get grounded in the word of God. I highly recommended taking this free course to get the foundation you need in the word:

http://www.vmcontenders.org/

You only need to register and everything is free. I have taken these courses personally and they are faithful to teach the truth about the word of God.

I realize you are in chronic pain; my wife is in chronic pain and I know how physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually debilitating that can be. However, the Lord does not want us to forsake the gathering together of ourselves; be praying daily for God to give you the grace and the strength to attend your church weekly, and to find a bible study or other christian fellowship. Don't let past hurts cause you to isolate yourself from Christians; and God promises in His word that when we are weak, He will be strong.(2 Corinthians 12:9) One I would recommend is Celebrate Recovery. Celebrate Recovery is a Christian, bible based recovery program for our hurts, hangups and habits. Put in celebrate recovery in youtube and you will see what it is all about. If you go to celebraterecovery.com you will be able to find a group in your area.

You may also need a spiritual revival in your home. Do you and your husband pray together, or study the bible together? If you aren't I would suggest it to your husband, because as the spiritual leader of your home, it is his responsibility to wash you with the word of God. (Ephesians 5:26)

Make the positive confession over your life, not the negative one because the power of life and death is in the tongue (Proverbs 18:21). You also have to realize that the way you think about things will determine how you experience life. The word tells us that as a man thinks in his heart, so is he. (Proverbs 23:7) As you think about your life, acknowledge the problem but then come to the solution: I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Philippians 4:13). The word tells us how to reform our thought life:

Philippians 4:8-9

Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things. 9 The things which you learned and received and heard and saw in me, these do, and the God of peace will be with you.

I know your problems are big but we have a God who is much bigger than any and every problem that we have or ever could face. He put the Holy Spirit in us and made us new people. You have hope because you have the Holy Spirit in you. The scripture tells us that we were born into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead. (1 Peter 1:3) Above all, keep your eyes on our Savior, the Lord Jesus and not on this world. Jesus is the author and finisher of our faith. (Hebrews 12:2) He invites you to come to Him sister for all of the burdens you are carrying:

Matthew 11:28

Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

He is calling to you sister to lay all of this down at His feet. You are not alone; He is with you! Will be praying for you.

 

[Poppyseed78]

Hello,

I quoted your post to that point above because that is really what you need. The body of Christ is a community, but more than that, it is fellowship and unity in the Holy Spirit. None of us can do well without some connection to other believers, because we are designed that way. Just as a hand cannot do well detached from the body, neither can we. Satan is always trying to separate and isolate believers, and then drown them in their problems. Our biggest problem often times though is having the wrong perspective. It's like you said, you feel hopeless and that is because you aren't resting on the blood atonement of Jesus Christ for our sins which saved you and I. Our joy starts not at having the right situation but at the cross, where we must die to ourselves daily.

I realize it is hard, and I don't know what you're going through. I am praying for Gods grace on you. However, you have to get grounded in the word of God. I highly recommended taking this free course to get the foundation you need in the word:

http://www.vmcontenders.org/

You only need to register and everything is free. I have taken these courses personally and they are faithful to teach the truth about the word of God.

I realize you are in chronic pain; my wife is in chronic pain and I know how physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually debilitating that can be. However, the Lord does not want us to forsake the gathering together of ourselves; be praying daily for God to give you the grace and the strength to attend your church weekly, and to find a bible study or other christian fellowship. Don't let past hurts cause you to isolate yourself from Christians; and God promises in His word that when we are weak, He will be strong.(2 Corinthians 12:9) One I would recommend is Celebrate Recovery. Celebrate Recovery is a Christian, bible based recovery program for our hurts, hangups and habits. Put in celebrate recovery in youtube and you will see what it is all about. If you go to celebraterecovery.com you will be able to find a group in your area.

You may also need a spiritual revival in your home. Do you and your husband pray together, or study the bible together? If you aren't I would suggest it to your husband, because as the spiritual leader of your home, it is his responsibility to wash you with the word of God. (Ephesians 5:26)

Make the positive confession over your life, not the negative one because the power of life and death is in the tongue (Proverbs 18:21). You also have to realize that the way you think about things will determine how you experience life. The word tells us that as a man thinks in his heart, so is he. (Proverbs 23:7) As you think about your life, acknowledge the problem but then come to the solution: I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Philippians 4:13)

I know your problems are big but we have a God who is much bigger than any and every problem that we have or ever could face. He put the Holy Spirit in us and made us new people. You have hope because you have the Holy Spirit in you. The scripture tells us that we were born into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead. (1 Peter 1:3) Above all, keep your eyes on our Savior, the Lord Jesus and not on this world. Jesus is the author and finisher of our faith. (Hebrews 12:2) He invites you to come to Him sister for all of the burdens you are carrying:

Matthew 11:28

Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

He is calling to you sister to lay all of this down at His feet. You are not alone; He is with you! Will be praying for you.

Thank you for your thoughtful reply. I hope I quoted correctly, that was a long quote.

What you said about joy starting not at having the right situation, but at the cross - that's very powerful, and rings true. I need to let Him take control of my life, and I think a big part of that process is having gratitude and also immersing myself in scripture. Phil. 4:13 has been greatly helpful to me.

Thank you for posting those links. I will take a look when I have a bit more time (during naptime).

My husband and I used to read Bible passages daily but have not done so in several months now. I plan to mention it tonight, and I am sure he will be open to re-starting our Bible study together. He is also in need of spiritual renewal, so it will help both of us.