Some stereotypes may not be useful. But we can tell by observation, and by statistics if necessary, that men tend to have more upper body strength, for example. Holding to some philosophical idea that men and women are 'equal' in terms of strength or other biological metrics is just silly. Men and women are not 'equal' in the ability to bear or nurse children.
These aren't really issues of equality. It's more about sameness than equality. The genders aren't exactly the same. There are a lot of areas where they are the same, and others where they are not.
I agree this is a problem. Men can nurture, too, without being feminine, but sometimes in a different way. I was listening to a speech by Warren Farrell. He used to work for NOW in New York. He's popular with the men's movement nowadays. He's also an academic, a psychologist, I think, who does research on gender related issues. He seems a bit liberal, politically, from my perspective, but he does have a lot of good things to say.
He's argued that children raised by single dads tend to fair better than children raised by single mothers. Fathers, he has argued, teach empathy better than mothers. Children, he says, learn empathy by being told 'no' and by boundary setting. That teaches them to respect the other person's point of view. He argues that fathers tend to be a bit stricter with the boundaries than women.
A culture could believe that men and women have different strengths. If women's nurturing tendencies are valued, that doesn't mean they would have to get the children. If a society values men's tendency toward discipline, or being a provider, or whatever other trait (or stereotype), men can get custody in those situations, assuming the state interferes in the family as it does in ours.
If we are rewriting society, I think we should make divorces harder to get. There need to be grounds, at the very least. Or if divorce is no-fault, the one who decides to file without grounds should be at a severe disadvantage in getting custody. Covenant breaking and the willingness to put a child through the suffering of divorce should weigh heavily against a parent filing a 'no-fault' divorce in a custody battle. Children need parents who are honest and can honor commitments. If someone decides to 'blow up' a family, that should be a factor in child custody.
Attempts at gender equality have created a number of problems and social inequities, especially when society is trying to arrive at equality of outcome. Men tend to work longer hours, work more dangerous jobs, and work jobs that expose them to weather. Warren Farrell's research found that, controlling for a number of variables like these, women actually get paid more than men. Yet we still hear that men are paid more than women. Men tend to work longer hours. His research found that there is significantly larger pay on average for one working 44 hours a week than for one working 40 hours a week. Men tend to work more hours. The increase is not dollar-for-dollar per hour when we look at jobs like that. Men also tend to take hazardous jobs and are much more likely to die on the job.
Yet there are still hiring policies that favor women, government incentives for business women, scholarships for girls, etc. , and women complaining that the workplace is discriminatory.
I think our society would be a lot better if it let go of some of the Feminist ideology and valued some aspects of traditional male and female roles, while still allowing for freedom to work in different roles. Both father and mother roles need to be valued more. Men need to be appreciated more for being fathers. It needs to be a highly valued respectable thing. Women need to value staying at home, even if it means putting a career on hold or forgoing a career outside of the home. We need to value women who make these choices, instead of telling them they are wasting their education or wasting their lives by not pursing certain educational objectives. I think we've gone too far down the ideological rabbit hole.
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