Separate accounts - when marriage comes?

[iLCorsaroNero]

Thinking ahead for when married life comes - Would you share one account between the two of you for all income, or would you have separate accounts?

Discuss. Since alot of marriages seem to break apart due to financial problems.

Note - by separate accounts I'm referring to having your individual accounts with a shared one which a percentage of both of your income goes into.

 

[MacFall]

Three accounts - one shared, for all the necessary household budget items, to be funded in proportion to the respective income of each spouse until it balances in the black. Then separate ones for whatever, if any, is left over of our respective incomes.

'Course that's just my idea. I'd certainly let my wife have some input.

 

[PetLuv]

Each our own and one for bills. Anything not needed for the household is up to whatever the person who earned it deems worthy of it.

Full trust in someone else is for fools.

 

[Rhye]

I think each account is a good idea but both should know how much are in those accounts and what they are used for specifically.
And of course a shared account as well.

When that time comes its a good thing to discuss. Actually, it sounds like a good idea to discuss this sooner then later.

 

[PassionFruit]

My fiance and I reached an agreement that we would have our own accounts and one we share. The shared one will just to household things like bills and such. Our own accounts are for whatever.

 

[Toro]

Doesn't matter to me to be honest.

You marry someone you take on their successes and their messes even their financial status. I could keep my independent account or share, I really dont care.

If you cant trust the one you give your life to with your bank account why would you lay next to them at night when you are the most vulnerable?

For those that keep separate accounts, to each their own and I am not judging, but IF the reason for those separate accounts are a trust issue then IMO they arent ready. I mean there is on thing to be said about "being careful" but if you are going to marry and thus give your life to someone and you cant even trust them with finances, well.....

 

[Paulie079]

Wow, the responses in this thread are a bit surprising to me.

Apparently I'm taking a really unpopular/untraditional stance here, but a marriage means that you are married. Two become one. I really strongly feel that a husband and wife's names should both be on every account opened by either of them. It's unfortunate to me how much individualism has penetrated even marriage. Having separate accounts will only make a marriage weaker.

Each our own and one for bills. Anything not needed for the household is up to whatever the person who earned it deems worthy of it.

Full trust in someone else is for fools.

I don't mean to sound harsh, but this seems really unfortunate to me.

 

[Rhye]

Wow, the responses in this thread are a bit surprising to me.

Apparently I'm taking a really unpopular/untraditional stance here, but a marriage means that you are married. Two become one. I really strongly feel that a husband and wife's names should both be on every account opened by either of them. It's unfortunate to me how much individualism has penetrated even marriage. Having separate accounts will only make a marriage weaker.



I don't mean to sound harsh, but this seems really unfortunate to me.

I feel silly now.
You know I honestly was thinking of something else when I answered that. lol. Mostly, I was thinking about how I currently have two different accounts from two different banks and how I would close one when I get married. However, I do agree that there should be a shared account and if there are two accounts I feel both names should be in them and know exactly what account is used for.

 

[Miss Spaulding]

Wow, the responses in this thread are a bit surprising to me.

Apparently I'm taking a really unpopular/untraditional stance here, but a marriage means that you are married. Two become one. I really strongly feel that a husband and wife's names should both be on every account opened by either of them. It's unfortunate to me how much individualism has penetrated even marriage. Having separate accounts will only make a marriage weaker.

Though I confess what I would truly want is to have separate accounts with one shared account, I do fully understand your point of view, Paul, and I do agree with it.

 

[Toro]

Wow, the responses in this thread are a bit surprising to me.

Apparently I'm taking a really unpopular/untraditional stance here, but a marriage means that you are married. Two become one. I really strongly feel that a husband and wife's names should both be on every account opened by either of them. It's unfortunate to me how much individualism has penetrated even marriage. Having separate accounts will only make a marriage weaker.



I don't mean to sound harsh, but this seems really unfortunate to me.

I agree, personally I wouldn't make a federal case about it if the woman I marry wanted separate accounts but I would assume "Sharing all things" not just "Become one with separate accounts"

I marry a woman what is mine is hers and hers is mine, even if I never go after what is hers for myself, still if she has sodas in the fridge, I aint askin just cause she may have bought them with "her money".

Well all things except my car, if she cant drive a standard she cant drive my car.

 

[MacFall]

Apparently I'm taking a really unpopular/untraditional stance here, but a marriage means that you are married. Two become one. I really strongly feel that a husband and wife's names should both be on every account opened by either of them. It's unfortunate to me how much individualism has penetrated even marriage. Having separate accounts will only make a marriage weaker.

The strongest, longest-lasting marriages I know refute that point, as they all use the model I suggested (shared account for household needs and savings; separate accounts for other stuff like gifts and entertainment).

Sharing doesn't mean communism. Sharing is about generosity, and you can't be generous with something that isn't yours.

 

[iLCorsaroNero]

Apparently I'm taking a really unpopular/untraditional stance here, but a marriage means that you are married. Two become one. I really strongly feel that a husband and wife's names should both be on every account opened by either of them. It's unfortunate to me how much individualism has penetrated even marriage. Having separate accounts will only make a marriage weaker.

True, I can understand that. But, what if you or your wife has a shopping addiction and starts spending the money? Or one of you makes a big expensive purchase which the other one is not happy about?

To the others, what if your wife/husband wasn't working, what would you do then?

 

[Jupiter Drops]

I think we would need three accounts: shared, his, mine.

You just never know if there's going to be an accident or an emergency.

 

[SnowyMacie]

I don't trust banks. The only reason I have a bank account is so that my money has somewhere to go before I collect it.

 

[rturner76]

We want pre-nup

We want pre-nup

 

[Paulie079]

The strongest, longest-lasting marriages I know refute that point, as they all use the model I suggested (shared account for household needs and savings; separate accounts for other stuff like gifts and entertainment).

Sharing doesn't mean communism. Sharing is about generosity, and you can't be generous with something that isn't yours.

That's where, in my opinion, your thinking is wrong. Because you are married, what is hers becomes yours, and you are generous with it together. Even if I were to make all of the money for our family on my own in a future marriage, my wife would still have equal say in what we do with it and how we budget it.

Now, if you're suggesting separate accounts that have both spouses' names on them, and funds go to those accounts out of the pool of their combined incomes, then I don't have a problem with it. What I have a problem with is the husband and wife doing whatever they want with their own incomes and with little to no input from the other. It's not a joint venture, it's a marriage.

 

[PassionFruit]

Yeah I'm a bit bemused at the whole idea that if a couple has a joint account it somehow supposed to be a measure for how their strong their marriage.

Also it ignores the fact that not every couple is the same nor will they have the same spending philosophies. For my fiance and I the reason why we chose to have our own separate accounts (in addition to a shared account that will have both our names on it) is partially due to his religious beliefs (which I won't go into here) but it has nothing to do with not trusting him with finances or us just being selfish.

True, I can understand that. But, what if you or your wife has a shopping addiction and starts spending the money? Or one of you makes a big expensive purchase which the other one is not happy about?

That's also my question and also one reason why I prefer to have my own account. I'm sorry if a lot of traditional minded people don't like this but I would rather not have to turn to my future husband and ask if I can make a purchase or not.

 

[Paulie079]

True, I can understand that. But, what if you or your wife has a shopping addiction and starts spending the money? Or one of you makes a big expensive purchase which the other one is not happy about?

If she was destroying our finances and hurting our family, then I probably would open a separate account until she got help.

 

[Toro]

True, I can understand that. But, what if you or your wife has a shopping addiction and starts spending the money? Or one of you makes a big expensive purchase which the other one is not happy about?

To the others, what if your wife/husband wasn't working, what would you do then?

The real thing you have to ask is to yourself.

Do you see marriage as a union of convenience?

EVERYONE has downs in their lives. Marriage doesnt change that, husband and wives will have downs in their lives at separate times

Again, if you cant trust the person you are going to marry with something as simple as a bank account, why are you trusting your life to them every time you lay down at night?

 

[MacFall]

What I have a problem with is the husband and wife doing whatever they want with their own incomes and with little to no input from the other. It's not a joint venture, it's a marriage.

Please defend this moral prohibition from scripture. Also, try to overcome the fact that separate accounts as a matter of objective fact do NOT inherently weaken marriages, regardless of whether you think they ought to.