Potty Training help!!!

[HeKnowsMyName]

DS was 3 in July. He refuses to potty train. I've tried everything. He did have surgery on his private area at the age of 2 and we have discovered that that could delay him according to the doctors. He will tee tee in the potty some days all day long. The next day he refuses. For awhile he was doing the big job in the potty all the time. Now he refuses. He is STUBBORN. I think it's more that than the surgery. I'm at my wits end! Words of advice are welcome. I've tried everything I can think of and have researched this on the net.

Let me tell you about the surgery so you'll know his background. From just the age of a few months, he seemed to have a raw bottom. We thought it was the disposable diapers and I went to cloth. It got better but it never cleared up no matter what I did. Before he turned 2, he said his tee tee hurt. His bottom was very raw so we decided he had a bladder infection. Took him to the doctor. He looked around down there and said he wasn't going to get a urine sample because it was probably just diaper rash. Just a few weeks later, I was changing him and the end of his tee tee was bloody and stopped up. Scared me to death! We took him to the ER and they discovered that he had metal stenosis where the slit in the end grows back up. I feel stupid now that I never had a clue, but he was looked at by doctors and they didn't have a clue either. Anyway, he had to have surgery to reopen that end. The reason he had diaper rash constantly was because his bladder wasn't being emptied and he had a bladder infection from just a few months old. Even now, typing this, I feel so sad tha I had no clue what to do for my baby.

If he didn't tee tee in the potty sometimes, I would think it was the surgery that delayed this, but he does go some days. I don't know. I just know I"m worried that he'll get to 4 YO pre-K and won't be trained. He goes two days a week now and his teacher is very good with all of this but this is a private school. They don't have a 4 YO program.

 

[ido]

What things have you tried to encourage him? Have you tried a reward system? Have you let him pick out some "big boy" undies that he can open once he stays dry for X number of days in a row? Does he like if you make a big deal and celebrate when he goes in the potty? I had a potty song I sang for the boys and they loved it.

Neither of my boys were completely trained until they were about 3 1/2. ODS was trained by 3, but then YDS was born a month later, so ODS reverted for about 6 months. YDS just took a long time. lol

Boys, in general, take longer than girls do. He's still a young 3, so I wouldn't worry too much about it. I tried all sorts of systems and gimmicks and at the end of it all, just let the boys decide when they were ready. If your son gets to the 4 yo program and has to wear undies, then maybe the peer pressure of not having accidents in his pants will kick in and motivate him if you don't have success before then.

I probably wasn't a whole lot of help, eh?

 

[HeKnowsMyName]

We have tried the reward system. It works for a few days then he gets tired of it. We've used various rewards after one quit working. The latest thing I did (just last week) was take him to the store and let him pick out a toy. He got to play with it for 30 minutes when we got home and then we put it up. Then when he pottied, he would get it for 30 more minutes and we would put it up. This worked for several days except for the pooping and then he just stopped caring whether he got to play with the toy or not.

 

[ido]

Is there anything he has been begging to have? I just remembered the carrot I dangled in front of ODS. lol He wanted a fish, so I told him that once he was in big boy undies with minimal accidents I would buy him a fish. He got a beta in a little bowl about 2 weeks later.

I'm telling ya - boys are just plain stubborn!

 

[HeKnowsMyName]

He wants a Spiderman Fishing Pole. I've told him he can have it when he quits having accidents. So far no luck.

 

[b.hopeful]

The worst thing you can do is make it a power struggle. It's the one thing they have full control over....we can't make them relieve themselves when and where we'd like it. You have to wait until they decide they are ready...and just stay in tune with them. My girls were potty trained by 2 1/2. And when they did it...we never had night accidents, no mattress pads...no pull ups....straight from diaper to dry panties in a week. They were ready. My first saw some teletubbie underwear at the store and wanted them. I told her that she had to give up diapers. She went home and by the end of the week we were back at Target buying them. I put them on her and said "don't pee on your friends" and that was that. With my middle daughter...we went to my sister's and my nephew(3 months older than my middle daughter) was potty trained. My daughter followed him into the bathroom everytime he went and then came home and decided to be potty trained.

My son......well.....different story! At 3 1/2, he was in preschool and in a diaper. The other kids noticed it and teased him...he didn't care. Then we moved and he saw the potty seat while we were unpacking and he was joking around sitting on it so I thought..maybe he's ready. pbbbtttt. Nothing. So then after his 4th birthday...still in diapers...I tried pushing the issue. We did rewards like stickers and lollipops...nothing. Then I went to the dollar store and wrapped some cheap toys and put them in a basket...he didn't care. I hated bribing him...I swore I would never bribe a kid but I broke down when my 4 yo son was crapping like a grown man into a diaper. I even gave up cloth diapers because I couldn't imagine buying the next size since he was our last..and besides..the poop was getting gross. No bribes or rewards worked with him. Finally...at 4 1/2....he was ready. Do you know what got him excited about potty training.....camping. That summer we started camping as a family again and he was peeing on trees....he loved it. Then he wanted to pee on stuff.....I had to stop him from peeing in the yard a few times...but I did let him pee in the shower. He thought it was awesome. After 2 weeks of peeing in the shower, dh and I said...ok, well big boys pee in the potty..and he started peeing in the potty. Pooping was longer...almost a month....but my son has a cognitive/intellectual disability and most things are harder for him.

 

[ido]

How about tossing some cheerios into the potty and asking him to try and sink them when he tinkles? (They actually make potty targets, but I did use cheerios at the recommendation of a friend instead) I used to have races with the boys, too. I would go to my bathroom and send them to theirs - then sit and wait for them to come in and tell me they won the potty race. lol

The more fun you make it, the better.

 

[HeKnowsMyName]

I haven't tried the Cheerios yet. I have raced him though. LOL Great minds think alike.

 

[MLEN]

Prissana,

This may sound a little crazy, but have you tried a Potty Party? Both my kids absolutely loved this and were trained within two weeks of doing this consistently.

The idea is, every time your child successfully uses the potty, you clean him up then immediately after you throw a mini (3 minute or so) party (no cake or gifts required). This is what you do: You whip out party hats and place them on your child, yourself, your husband and any other willing participant in the house. You get party noise makers, toy flutes, toy piano or drums (any thing will do for an instrument as long as you can carry it around). Then march all around the house with glee and joy playing loudly on your instruments and singing:

" (Child's name) made a pee (or poo) in the potty! [Repeat 3 times]
(Child's name) is a big boy (or girl) now!"

Repeat the song until you've sung it throughout the whole house at least 3 times over.

This sounds nutty, but as long as you make a big joyful noise about it while marching around from room to room with musical instruments playing away and party hats on, your son will love it. In fact, my kids started going to the potty more often just to be able to have the party. But be sure you only sing the song/have the party when they actually go, or you lose the motivational effect.

BTW, any tune will do, just make it fun and happy!

After your child is trained, you won't need the party anymore. But by then there will be other things to celebrate I'm sure

Hope this helps.

 

[HeKnowsMyName]

That sounds fun and it might work. Thanks for the idea!

 

[tiredwalker]

I haven't had this problem, but several of my friends have. They all ended up trying this and it worked: They must wear underwear and they must clean up their messes. If they poo in their pants, they have to clean it. If they pee on the floor, they have to clean it. Doesn't take long for that to be not worth it anymore. The key (so I've heard) is to not make a deal out of each accident. Simply say, "Go clean yourself and the floor up and then you can go back to playing."

My dd is 15 months old and we've been working on potty training since 11 months. Obviously, she's not going to be completely trained for quite a while, but we've gotten to the point where she walks around during play time in her panties. Every so often, I'll have her sit on the potty. She does let me know when she goes though and frequently before hand.

 

[HeKnowsMyName]

Right now we are taking away toys that he is playing with when he has the accident. He can get them back when he pees in the potty. So far so good. He has had his tricycle (that he loves) taken away for pooping in his pants and he will get it back when he poops in the potty. If this doesn't work, I'm trying the party thing.

 

[MLEN]

Sounds like things are underway! Keep up the good work!

 

[GolfingMom]

I haven't had this problem, but several of my friends have. They all ended up trying this and it worked: They must wear underwear and they must clean up their messes. If they poo in their pants, they have to clean it. If they pee on the floor, they have to clean it. Doesn't take long for that to be not worth it anymore. The key (so I've heard) is to not make a deal out of each accident. Simply say, "Go clean yourself and the floor up and then you can go back to playing."

My dd is 15 months old and we've been working on potty training since 11 months. Obviously, she's not going to be completely trained for quite a while, but we've gotten to the point where she walks around during play time in her panties. Every so often, I'll have her sit on the potty. She does let me know when she goes though and frequently before hand.

We didn't give our kiddos a choice. We put undies on them and told them they had to use the bathroom. OS peed in his underwear a few times and didn't like the feeling (we had bowel movements taken care of earlier )
YS caught on quickly too. Both were about 2 years old.

 

[ido]

We didn't give our kiddos a choice. We put undies on them and told them they had to use the bathroom. OS peed in his underwear a few times and didn't like the feeling (we had bowel movements taken care of earlier )
YS caught on quickly too. Both were about 2 years old.

Show off.

My boys most definitely inherited my stubborness, so neither of them were that easy even though I tried just sticking them in undies. lol

 

[my5blessings]

Everything mentioned in this thread, plus about a dozen more things, we have tried with one or all of ours so far (that are done that is). Really though, there is no gimmick...there is no trick...there is no persuading a child who isn't ready. It's ALL up to them and timing. If they aren't ready, everything you try will just be more frustration for you (and probably the child- and some kids respond negatively to that and end up taking longer because of it).

I will caution you though to stay away from the negative reinforcements of this...it will come back to bite you (esp with stubborn kids that lack motivation- believe me, I AM one!!!). Kids like that just have to find their own timing on stuff. They can't be persuaded. Pushing them only works to frustrate. Giving treats only works a few times, then it gets old and you have to find something new.

BELIEVE ME...no child ever went to college still in diapers. It WILL happen, but it won't happen on your time schedule. I know you want him to go to 4yo pre-school, but that is many many months away. If he is not potty trained by a month before, I would bring it up that he can't go unless he wears undies. Anything before that though and it is so far away that he isn't going to be able to grasp the time. If he doesn't potty train, then don't let him go. There is nothing that the pre-school does that you can't do at home with him...and you can let him play with other kids at other types of outings of your own. It isn't going to hurt him in life because he didn't go to pre-school...after all, there are many many homeschooled kids that never set foot in a school, much less a pre-school, and they are perfectly well balanced individuals leading very normal lives.

Don't get overly frustrated. He will get this. Just h-a-v-e p-a-t-i-e-n-c-e. I know it's hard...BELIEVE ME...I know. (It took til our oldest was 6yo to get him out of something during the day).


I also wanted to point something out...someone made mention in here about their child not night wetting once they were potty trained too...YOU ARE BLESSED...truly. Night wetting is not really a potty training issue though, it is a medical thing. Some kids simply aren't out of that until they hit puberty. So if your child is trained during the day but has to continue wearing them at night, don't consider it a real problem...they will grow out of it, but like I said, sometimes it takes til they hit puberty age.

 

[skunkfeather]

How about tossing some cheerios into the potty and asking him to try and sink them when he tinkles? (They actually make potty targets, but I did use cheerios at the recommendation of a friend instead) I used to have races with the boys, too. I would go to my bathroom and send them to theirs - then sit and wait for them to come in and tell me they won the potty race. lol

The more fun you make it, the better.

That is the suggestion I was going to make

 

[ido]

Any luck, sis?

 

[HeKnowsMyName]

We went 4 days with no accidents! PTL! Yesterday was Day 5 and he pooed several times yesterday with the last time being in his pants. *sigh* He seems to be back on track today though.

 

[jpcedotal]

I still ain't "completely" potty trained, so it could take decades.....