What punishment would you give?

[HeKnowsMyName]

I just got this note from DD's (8) teacher. At first I was in disbelief that my child would do this. Then I was disappointed to say the least. Then majorly embarrassed. She's never been in trouble at school before. I can't imagine what was going on in her head to make her do this. *sigh* What would you do as a parent?

Good afternoon Mr. and Mrs. ***,

First of all I want you to know that DD is a very well-adjusted, sweet, and intelligent young lady. However, today, I discovered she made a very bad choice. Instead of completing her language arts homework this week, she copied two homework passes on your home printer (I guess it's the printer at home) and stapled them to her work. When first asked about it she said "Mrs. ***' little girl" gave them to her and then she admitted she had copied the passes on the printer. She reallllllllly didn't want us to let you know and expressed (more than once) how sorry she was. However, I let her know that I had a responsibility to hold her accountable for her actions. We just couldn't let this one slide. We didn't send her to the office because she generally does not give us any trouble, but if anything like this happens again, we will have to send her to talk to Mr. ***. I appreciate the two of you as parents and I know that you put a lot of effort into DD's education. As a parent of a 3rd grader, I know they are not perfect and have to learn from their mistakes just like the rest of us. She will recieve two flats for the incident, and this e-mail is being sent to the two of you. I still view her as a well-adjusted, sweet, and intelligent young lady. This incident has not changed my opinion of her. Thanks for your support.

***

P.S. Feel free to call me if you need to, but I thought e-mail would be the most effective method to get in touch with both of you.

 

[tansy]

Do you necessarily have to punish her on this occasion, if normalluy she's well-behaved. Maybe you could find out why she did it, and make sure she understands she shouldn't have done it and why.
If she does a similar thing again, then maybe their could be repercussions then. She may already be feeling bad about it?

 

[mont974x4]

1. She has to write a note to the teacher apologizing and explaining why she was wrong (this certainly requires your help)
2. Loss of computer priveliges for a week

 

[HeKnowsMyName]

She is old enough to know she was doing wrong when she did it so I think punishment is in order. I'm sure she is beating herself up over this. She is a worrier.

I love the note to the teacher idea! I hadn't thought of that. I think she is going to have several punishments over this. We are also going to be more closely monitoring her homework instead of just asking her if she did it.

 

[lucypevensie]

The teacher already mentioned her profuse apologies, so I don't even know that I'd require anything more of her. As far as punishment she already got a talking-to from the teacher and two flats (whatever those are).

Since this is something so out of character for her it might be good to go for a walk and just discuss the situtaion to find out if there's anything else going on that might have influenced her negatively. Don't nag or make an unnecessarily big deal out of it though. Sometimes kids really do just make a dumb mistake and they really don't have a good reason for doing so.

Don't let yourself feels so embarrassed. The best kids out there make mistakes.

 

[Gwenyfur]

All in all, her apologetic responses to her teacher show how well you've been raising her so far...

I think I'd have a discussion, and agree with the loss of computer priviledges, and let it be from there.

She knows she messed up, she's apologized to her teacher, allow her to apologize to you, face the small consequences of the bad grades on the homework and loss of computer and be done.

Parents have to forgive at times too

 

[jgonz]

I'd take away computer priviledges for at least a week, but probably nothing more than that since she knows she did wrong and feels terrible about it.

 

[GolfingMom]

My sons teacher requires a letter to the person they wronged/lied to. So she'll either write a letter to you or to her teacher.

I would also have my child do the homework even though they will not get a grade for it (I'm guessing that's what the 'flats' are) and loss of a privileges. Our kiddo's don't use the computer so it would be no TV OR no remote control car etc...

It sounds like she truly knows she did wrong...but I still think punishment is in order so she remembers for next time

 

[peace in the vally]

OK SO MAYBE SHE KNOWS IT WAS WRONG, BUT DOES SHE UNDERSTAND WHY? THERE IS A DIFFERANCE BETWEEN KNOWING AND UNDERSTANDING. SOME MIGHT THINK IT DOESN'T MATTER IF SHE UNDERSTANDS WHY OR NOT SHE KNOWS IT WAS WRONG, BUT I BELIEVE IT IS IMPORTANT FOR CHILDREN TO ALSO FULLY UNDERSTAND THE WHY PART. THEN PUNISH HER AS YOU FEEL FITS THE CRIME. THE NOTE TO TEACHER IS A GREAT IDEA. GOOD LUCK

 

[heart of peace]

Some great responses from the other posters. I like the idea of having your child do the homework anyway and the loss of computer privileges. Also, it is a great idea to physically look over her homework at night instead of just asking if she did it. It will prove beneficial in other ways and not just verifying that it's done. It is a great way to stay connected with your child's learning process and to catch any cracks that may be developing in her learning so that it can be addressed quickly instead of having it fall at the wayside only to require tutoring help later on. As a teacher I couldn't always slow down lessons to help the 2 or 3 children who were struggling to grasp the concepts I was teaching because I had 22 other children who were ready to go on. I was always hopeful that the children would be able to go home and get that extra one on one help from their parents.

 

[tansy]

Just one additional thing to my earlier post....different children react differently to things. Obviously, I don't know your child at all, and some of the other posters I think had great suggestions - but sometimes if you crack down too much, children will then just start hiding things from you more, or trying to get away with things...so making sure there is proper communication and understanding between you, I think is important.
Anyhow, by the sound of it, it seems like she's a great kid, and you're a great Mum cos you're trying to figure out the best way to deal with it.

 

[Macx]

Golfingmom said exactly what I would have said:

My sons teacher requires a letter to the person they wronged/lied to. So she'll either write a letter to you or to her teacher.

I would also have my child do the homework even though they will not get a grade for it (I'm guessing that's what the 'flats' are) and loss of a privileges.

 

[whitebeaches]

I'm wondering if she isn't understanding the work she was to do and out of frustration did what she did. Is there any way she could get after school tutoring if she isnt understanding the assignment?

 

[bliz]

Punishments need to be a natural consequence of what was done wrong. In this case, she has jeopardized people trusting her. A natural cosequence is not being trusted - and that will look a little different in every family.

 

[Hadassah]

1. She has to write a note to the teacher apologizing and explaining why she was wrong (this certainly requires your help)
2. Loss of computer priveliges for a week

Some great responses from the other posters. I like the idea of having your child do the homework anyway and the loss of computer privileges. Also, it is a great idea to physically look over her homework at night instead of just asking if she did it. It will prove beneficial in other ways and not just verifying that it's done. It is a great way to stay connected with your child's learning process and to catch any cracks that may be developing in her learning so that it can be addressed quickly instead of having it fall at the wayside only to require tutoring help later on. As a teacher I couldn't always slow down lessons to help the 2 or 3 children who were struggling to grasp the concepts I was teaching because I had 22 other children who were ready to go on. I was always hopeful that the children would be able to go home and get that extra one on one help from their parents.

I'm wondering if she isn't understanding the work she was to do and out of frustration did what she did. Is there any way she could get after school tutoring if she isnt understanding the assignment?

I wondered this also.... Is it possible to also begin following up during homework time and before bed to ensure it's being done? then additionally check behind her in the morning around breakfast before you leave together that it's done and in her bag/folder...

Punishments need to be a natural consequence of what was done wrong. In this case, she has jeopardized people trusting her. A natural cosequence is not being trusted - and that will look a little different in every family.

Much, much agreed.

 

[Black-bird fly]

Punishments need to be a natural consequence of what was done wrong. In this case, she has jeopardized people trusting her. A natural cosequence is not being trusted - and that will look a little different in every family.

I agree. In our house that would look like us following up constantly on the homework and having a parent in the room if she is on the computer until it is shown that the child is trustworthy again. That time frame all depends on the child's behavior.

 

[RedTulipMom]

The main thing is to find out WHY she did it. She might be struggling with that subject or she may have forgotten to do her homework and then didn't want to get in trouble. I honestly wouldnt do anything but talk with her and maybe have her write a letter to the teacher apologizing. I am SURE she has already learned a great lesson in all this. She is probably embarrassed and humiliated that the teacher found out and probably scared to death since they told you. I did something similiar in school and my worry/concern almost killed me and actually it is the incident and the teacher finding out and the telling of my mom that sticks out to me in my mind when i remember it, i dont even remember what punishment i recieved from school or my mom..they didnt impact me..getting caught impacted me.

 

[tansy]

The main thing is to find out WHY she did it. She might be struggling with that subject or she may have forgotten to do her homework and then didn't want to get in trouble. I honestly wouldnt do anything but talk with her and maybe have her write a letter to the teacher apologizing. I am SURE she has already learned a great lesson in all this. She is probably embarrassed and humiliated that the teacher found out and probably scared to death since they told you. I did something similiar in school and my worry/concern almost killed me and actually it is the incident and the teacher finding out and the telling of my mom that sticks out to me in my mind when i remember it, i dont even remember what punishment i recieved from school or my mom..they didnt impact me..getting caught impacted me.

Yes, I'd pretty much agree, depending on your child

 

[savingme09]

I agree with previous responses to complete the assignment anyway and loss of computer privileges.

As other posters have also suggested, I would also talk to her to find out why she tried to use the "homework pass." If it is an issue with not understanding the assignment, have her come up with a solution for how she could have handled the situation appropriately. If it was simply an issue of not wanting to do the work, have her identify what the consequences would be if an adult decided they didn't want to do something at work or in the "real world."

 

[ShannonMcCatholic]

Uh- I'd tell her way to go on her computer savvy and let her know how stupid I think homework is for kids in elementary school???

Totally not helpful I know..so I will pray to the Holy Spirit for wisdom for you, so that you will know just the right thing to do!