Singles (guys especially): a tip to ease the fear of rejection

[Gardener101]

Guys, check out this good role-model for the OP:

Ladder Collapses On Dude And He Keeps Selling

http://www.timekiller.tv/view_video.php?viewkey=5a2e075a1a4a6e1b9770

 

[radhead]

I think doing sales requires intrinsic qualities that some people just don't have.

It's kind of like Jimi Hendrix saying, "Become a musician/singer." A person could attempt to do that, but it would only be fruitful if they had some inner talent that they had not discovered.

 

[RebeccatheGreat]

I think I have a problem with this. I would like to go out with a guy who had a genuine interest in me, not just because I was the first girl who said yes.

Me too.
but that's coming from a loser who never even had the guts to try sales because I've got such rejectionaphobia.

 

[BoazB]

wanna go out sometime Beauty4Ashes? jk (against forum rules)

but you are right, if more would learn to do this (ask person after person until they get a yes, and ignoring the turndowns), there would be a lot less single fellas (and ladies).

K
O
F

But then what would happen to SINGLE forums...(Horrified) j/k... we'd probably all be visitors only,...

 

[CoachR64]

Among Christian singles, there seems to be a stigma against dating a lot of girls. I see a lot of people that want to wait and date that special girl or the right one.

A date is just that, a date. It is an opportunity to get to know someone. If a guy asks you on a date, it may not be because he is head over heels in love already and thinks your the one. He may just think you're cute and have a good sense of humor.

A date is just an opportunity to go out, have some fun, and get to know someone. They are there to decide if you want to even seek a relationship with that person.

Guys need to realize this too. Don't wait until you find "the one" before you start asking girls out. Chances are, you will be really lonely in the process. In fact, without dating, we may not even know what "the one" looks like.

Being a salesman is good advice, and here is why:

When people buy things, they look for value. "Am I getting my money's worth?" Is this object worth buying? In dating, we must have value. We must show that we have value and that we are worth dating. If there is no value attached, there is no reason to "buy."

Part of that is learning to value yourself. Know that you have value and something to offer. Then, show it. Live it.

Too many guys out there lack confidence. They don't feel like they have anything to offer, any value. And the sad thing is, that becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

We all have value. We all have something to offer. Now, we need to actively "sell" that value in the way we live and interact with people.

Coach

 

[die2live]

The truth can be told in the best and worst way possible, and sales can be made by using the truth to win over customers. People should sell themselves, because too often they overlook their own good qualities, and thus reject themselves from getting more dates.

Hmm. It makes more sense when you put it that way.

I don't know. I'll have to think on it.

To Coach's post, I agree for the most part. I don't think I'd want a guy to wait until he was in love with me before asking me out. But I still think I'd want him to have some interest, however minor. I wouldn't want to just be the next person on his list.

 

[CoachR64]

So what if he has a list. It is just a date. After all, you can still say no.

The purpose of dating is to find out if you have things in common and similar interests. Hard to do that without dating or at least becoming friends. And we all know the dreaded "friend" circle is quite often the kiss of death when looking for relationships.

A date is a chance for a free dinner and a good time. More girls should be more open to going on a date. They might find out the guy that asks has a lot more to offer than they originally thought. And if it doesn't work out, you got to go out for some food and fun, and you can move on from there.

Coach

 

[die2live]

So what if he has a list. It is just a date. After all, you can still say no.

The purpose of dating is to find out if you have things in common and similar interests. Hard to do that without dating or at least becoming friends. And we all know the dreaded "friend" circle is quite often the kiss of death when looking for relationships.

A date is a chance for a free dinner and a good time. More girls should be more open to going on a date. They might find out the guy that asks has a lot more to offer than they originally thought. And if it doesn't work out, you got to go out for some food and fun, and you can move on from there.

Coach

You know, that's fine. If that's how you want to do it, go for it. For me personally, I just want to put a little more thought into it.

 

[CoachR64]

And that is why so many Christians are single.

We live in a idealistic fantasy world when it comes to dating. We want to be perfectly swept off our feet by the one God has for us. It is so much easier to let God do the work for us, then for us to risk our hearts.

That doesn't happen. Mr. Right isn't going to walk up to your door and say, "Hey, my name is Mr, Right. God sent me." And if someone did that, most girls would file a restraining order immediately.

Ever wonder how many Christians are sitting around their house "waiting for God" to show show them "the one?" No wonder Christian singles have such a hard time finding each other, they are all sitting alone waiting.

Coach

 

[deliciousBass]

And that is why so many Christians are single.

We live in a idealistic fantasy world when it comes to dating. We want to be perfectly swept off our feet by the one God has for us. It is so much easier to let God do the work for us, then for us to risk our hearts.

That doesn't happen. Mr. Right isn't going to walk up to your door and say, "Hey, my name is Mr, Right. God sent me." And if someone did that, most girls would file a restraining order immediately.

Ever wonder how many Christians are sitting around their house "waiting for God" to show show them "the one?" No wonder Christian singles have such a hard time finding each other, they are all sitting alone waiting.

Coach

Pfffttt *spits out drink* wait a second! God won't find me the love of my life? I have to work for them just like anything else in life? That's news to me pal! Your words are so true, they are dangerous and I don't want to hear anymore of it!

I'd rather sit at home, not try at all, and blame others for my personal issues because that is my safety net. That is what I'm most comfortable with and I will find any reason to rationalize why I do this. I simply can't handle hypothetical heartbreak or a romance windfall. My heart will burst.

/end of sarcastic rant

 

[CoachR64]

Sorry if I seem a bit edgy on this stuff today, but most of this is born out of frustration with myself as much as anyone else.

I am tired of living a passive lifestyle because I know that doesn't glorify Christ. I have spent way too much time on the fence, and I have to start actively going after the desires of my heart.

I once heard a preacher one time say this, and it has stuck with me: "The only thing you get by straddling fence is crotch rot."

Coach

 

[die2live]

And that is why so many Christians are single.

We live in a idealistic fantasy world when it comes to dating. We want to be perfectly swept off our feet by the one God has for us. It is so much easier to let God do the work for us, then for us to risk our hearts.

That doesn't happen. Mr. Right isn't going to walk up to your door and say, "Hey, my name is Mr, Right. God sent me." And if someone did that, most girls would file a restraining order immediately.

Ever wonder how many Christians are sitting around their house "waiting for God" to show show them "the one?" No wonder Christian singles have such a hard time finding each other, they are all sitting alone waiting.

Coach

I'm going to assume this was directed at my comment since mine was the post right before yours.

I didn't say I was doing nothing or being passive in my search for "the one" for lack of a cornier term. Technically, right now I am as I am not searching anyone out, but if I'm still single when I graduate from college (and I most likely will be) and start having time to be more "active" then I will be searching, so to speak. I didn't mean to imply that everyone should just sit in their living rooms until God delivers Mr. or Mrs. Right to their door step. All I meant to say was that, when I do start searching, I'm not going to assume every single male I meet is a possibility.

Everyone is free to do things differently of course. That is just how I would go about it.

 

[SH89]

Good advice in the OP.

I personally do not have a problem asking girls out on dates, but I am waiting a couple of years until my college GPA is settled and established( I also want to go to graduate school, so I am not sure if I should date at ll in college).

I don't know why some men, especially Christian men, are such cowards in this department. If I see a girl I like, I am--100% of the time-- going to ask her out. If she says no, then so be it. Her loss anyway.

 

[maelstrom]

I used to be shy and never talked to girls. Then I got on a rampage and started being more assertive, approaching a bunch of girls, hoping that I'd make at least one connection. After getting over 100 rejections in a row, I gave up... So now I just don't talk to them again.

I think it was the whole pre-marital celibacy thing. As soon as girls find out I don't have sex before marriage, they lose interest. It's pretty bad when a guy can't even get a girlfriend unless he's willing to put out... They say guys are promiscuous, but the truth is that the GIRLS are the promiscuous ones in modern days. So I guess the trick is, if you're a Christian, don't let the girl know you're celibate until *after* she agrees to go out with you.

 

[Gardener101]

I used to be shy and never talked to girls. Then I got on a rampage and started being more assertive, approaching a bunch of girls, hoping that I'd make at least one connection. After getting over 100 rejections in a row, I gave up... So now I just don't talk to them again.

I think it was the whole pre-marital celibacy thing. As soon as girls find out I don't have sex before marriage, they lose interest. It's pretty bad when a guy can't even get a girlfriend unless he's willing to put out... They say guys are promiscuous, but the truth is that the GIRLS are the promiscuous ones in modern days. So I guess the trick is, if you're a Christian, don't let the girl know you're celibate until *after* she agrees to go out with you.

Did you have a proper plan??

 

[Gardener101]

I mean, even the most natural salesmen spend a considerable amount of time developing, working on and honing their sales pitch before going out into 'the field'.

 

[maelstrom]

well no, my plan was just to be nice to them... NOT a good idea. If I had acted like a jerk I probably would have been more successful

but it's best not to push the issue, just wait until God brings the right one along, and that way I won't have to worry about selling myself to her because the attraction will be mutual

 

[Luther073082]

I used to be shy and never talked to girls. Then I got on a rampage and started being more assertive, approaching a bunch of girls, hoping that I'd make at least one connection. After getting over 100 rejections in a row, I gave up... So now I just don't talk to them again.

I think it was the whole pre-marital celibacy thing. As soon as girls find out I don't have sex before marriage, they lose interest. It's pretty bad when a guy can't even get a girlfriend unless he's willing to put out... They say guys are promiscuous, but the truth is that the GIRLS are the promiscuous ones in modern days. So I guess the trick is, if you're a Christian, don't let the girl know you're celibate until *after* she agrees to go out with you.

Wait a minute you where telling her, before you asked her out? . . . I can't imagine. . . "Hi my name is Kirk, I'm a celibate will you date me?" Thats kind of TMI for someone you just met isn't it?

 

[maelstrom]

I wouldn't just go up and say "Hi I'm abstinent," but they can usually figure it out because I'll be wearing a promise ring or a Jesus t-shirt or a cross or something indicating that I am a religious whacko nutjob. The topic of Christianity usually comes up soon after I meet someone; I'm not very good at keeping my beliefs a secret.

 

[Luther073082]

I wouldn't just go up and say "Hi I'm abstinent," but they can usually figure it out because I'll be wearing a promise ring or a Jesus t-shirt or a cross or something indicating that I am a religious whacko nutjob. The topic of Christianity usually comes up soon after I meet someone; I'm not very good at keeping my beliefs a secret.

You don't need to, ask out other Christian women. Trust me they are out there.