I wrote the letter in the hopes that I could get motivated to start my life. I'll type the letter and then go into what I wanna say.
Dear me,
Who are you? I don't know what you've become. You aren't a person. You just suck off of people's life force to stay alive. You are a parasite. How is this going to help? But how can I not mention it. It's all true. Why can't you just pick a career and change your life? Why can't you just do the damn dishes? Why can't you do the simplest thing? Seriously why can't you listen to someone speak without losing focus? What is wrong with you? I hate being you...
Okay, so that was the letter.
As I was writing it, I lost it. I started wailing at the top of my lungs. I was absolutely hysterical. I couldn't believe the hateful words I was saying to myself. The worst part was that it wasn't a bully I could stand up to. It was myself. Such hateful words. Suddenly I was confronted with the reality that I hate myself. And it was heartbreaking.
That day I made an appointment to get antidepressants. This is now day 4 of being on them and while I still don't like myself for all I've done and not done, I am a bit more rational. I can see that it is my sickness that makes me unable to summon the energy to wash the dishes or go back to school. I still have to wait for it to take full effect, but I'm hopeful that this medication will give me the support and energy I need to make the changes I need to make. I need to learn how to forgive myself for my past. I need to learn how to set a goal and reach it.
If the shaking and muscle spasms don't get worse, this medication might be just the thing I need.
Lord, thank you for giving us the knowledge to create these medications that help people like me. Thank you for stepping in when you did and rescuing me from myself. I love you more than anyone or anything. Help me get better.
Dear me,
Who are you? I don't know what you've become. You aren't a person. You just suck off of people's life force to stay alive. You are a parasite. How is this going to help? But how can I not mention it. It's all true. Why can't you just pick a career and change your life? Why can't you just do the damn dishes? Why can't you do the simplest thing? Seriously why can't you listen to someone speak without losing focus? What is wrong with you? I hate being you...
Okay, so that was the letter.
As I was writing it, I lost it. I started wailing at the top of my lungs. I was absolutely hysterical. I couldn't believe the hateful words I was saying to myself. The worst part was that it wasn't a bully I could stand up to. It was myself. Such hateful words. Suddenly I was confronted with the reality that I hate myself. And it was heartbreaking.
That day I made an appointment to get antidepressants. This is now day 4 of being on them and while I still don't like myself for all I've done and not done, I am a bit more rational. I can see that it is my sickness that makes me unable to summon the energy to wash the dishes or go back to school. I still have to wait for it to take full effect, but I'm hopeful that this medication will give me the support and energy I need to make the changes I need to make. I need to learn how to forgive myself for my past. I need to learn how to set a goal and reach it.
If the shaking and muscle spasms don't get worse, this medication might be just the thing I need.
Lord, thank you for giving us the knowledge to create these medications that help people like me. Thank you for stepping in when you did and rescuing me from myself. I love you more than anyone or anything. Help me get better.
