Wow. This seems strange from the last time I posted a blog, I feel like this whole time I've been taking one step forward and two steps back.
Truth is, I don't know who I am anymore and of what I do know, I don't think I like. When I was in School I was always the happy-go-lucky girl who had the world at her fingertips but over the 7 years since leaving secondary school that person has slowly ceased to exist. I'm not feeling sorry for myself saying that I'm a horrible person because I know I'm not. I have a burning love for God, which will never change, always think of others before myself, and always try to do nice things for those around me.
As it stands, I feel like I'm not good enough. Not a good enough Christian, not a good enough friend, daughter, sister. A friend of mine recently gave me the book 'A Rugamuffin's Gospel' and though it is a very good book I find it very difficult to apply the teachings it gives into everyday life.
In addition, I don't think my best friend (who is also Chrisian) brings out the best in me. When she is not around I am not someone I am proud of, however, I fear that through, a recently realised, resentment of her, her presence makes me into a person I don't like. I love her to pieces but I do not know how to change without affecting our friendship. I am the one in the wrong, not her. She doesn't deserve to get hurt and I don't want my problems to have an impact on her.
I have prayed and prayed and still dont feel that I have gained any clarity on the situation. Where do I go from here?? How can I change who I am?? But more importantly,
Who am I??
Truth is, I don't know who I am anymore and of what I do know, I don't think I like. When I was in School I was always the happy-go-lucky girl who had the world at her fingertips but over the 7 years since leaving secondary school that person has slowly ceased to exist. I'm not feeling sorry for myself saying that I'm a horrible person because I know I'm not. I have a burning love for God, which will never change, always think of others before myself, and always try to do nice things for those around me.
As it stands, I feel like I'm not good enough. Not a good enough Christian, not a good enough friend, daughter, sister. A friend of mine recently gave me the book 'A Rugamuffin's Gospel' and though it is a very good book I find it very difficult to apply the teachings it gives into everyday life.
In addition, I don't think my best friend (who is also Chrisian) brings out the best in me. When she is not around I am not someone I am proud of, however, I fear that through, a recently realised, resentment of her, her presence makes me into a person I don't like. I love her to pieces but I do not know how to change without affecting our friendship. I am the one in the wrong, not her. She doesn't deserve to get hurt and I don't want my problems to have an impact on her.
I have prayed and prayed and still dont feel that I have gained any clarity on the situation. Where do I go from here?? How can I change who I am?? But more importantly,
Who am I??
