Where did this come from?

I was replying to a post, a thread I had started, as I replied a realization come over me.

" I am wondering if right now it is better that I hold off on church for sometime and dig into his word, his love and prayer on my own so that personal relationship can grow.

I have fellowship here. I have a girl on a bipolar list I am on that is Christian and we email back and forth and she is very encouraging. I have many cds of beautiful worship music to listen to and sing to.

Maybe I am so stressed and scared about church that it is his way of saying to me, that I need to know him better before I move on, before I rush into anything.

Ok, wow, I didn't know I was going to type that but I just has some sort of realization. I need to grow in him personally before I do anything else."

I have had a very heavy feeling on me since last night when I went to bed till now. I have been so focused on finding a church, finding a place that will accept me but at the same time worrying the Lord will not accept me.

He has accepted me. He has accepted me even when I walked away.

I need take this time, to grow. Not in the best place mentally at the moment, dealing with depression. It is going to be hard to focus but maybe it is his way of saying I need to come to him.

IDK It is all so confusing.