There is a funny thing in my life. I never know where I am going to be next year. I think about, plan for it but then it never ends up the way that I plan. It seems what God wants and I want with my life are 2 very seperate things.
It has been a week since my boss asked me at church what my plans for next year are. The truth is I am not sure. I keep thinking that I know the right way to go. Of course staying living here would be a good option as I have a good job and money. But sometimes I wonder if I really want to be a teacher. Do I really want this life for myself? If I had the choice to go back and change what I studied at Uni would I do it?
The answer is (a) No, I would not choose this life (b) yes I would change what I studied. By the time I realised that I was unsure of being a teacher I was already 3 years into studying and by the end I didn't really think that I had the choice to change. So I listened to the advice of those around me and kept going until I got "the piece of paper". It is really hard to say but I resented that piece of paper for the longest time. It seemed to define me as a teacher. That was going to be the sum of my life and I really didn't want to turn out like many of the teachers I knew at the time.
Now I struggle with much more. I am torn between doing what I think God has called me to do and what I may really want to do instead (and the fear that stops me from doing that). I know that I have been blessed in this job and I enjoy spending time with my students. I love working with children but somedays I want to be free. It is such a complicated situation to be in. So I end up doing nothing to change in the fear that I may be going against God's will.
It has been a week since my boss asked me at church what my plans for next year are. The truth is I am not sure. I keep thinking that I know the right way to go. Of course staying living here would be a good option as I have a good job and money. But sometimes I wonder if I really want to be a teacher. Do I really want this life for myself? If I had the choice to go back and change what I studied at Uni would I do it?
The answer is (a) No, I would not choose this life (b) yes I would change what I studied. By the time I realised that I was unsure of being a teacher I was already 3 years into studying and by the end I didn't really think that I had the choice to change. So I listened to the advice of those around me and kept going until I got "the piece of paper". It is really hard to say but I resented that piece of paper for the longest time. It seemed to define me as a teacher. That was going to be the sum of my life and I really didn't want to turn out like many of the teachers I knew at the time.
Now I struggle with much more. I am torn between doing what I think God has called me to do and what I may really want to do instead (and the fear that stops me from doing that). I know that I have been blessed in this job and I enjoy spending time with my students. I love working with children but somedays I want to be free. It is such a complicated situation to be in. So I end up doing nothing to change in the fear that I may be going against God's will.
