Courage in Being You
By Rafi Perez
I have noticed that our world and reality is made up of roles, obligations and compromises that we keep to in order to fit in to what we think is
normal. We play the roles of father, mother, son, daughter, husband, wife, and boss defining these roles by becoming what we think it means to
those who surround us. What’s more is we become something that we are not in order to fit the mold of understanding that we grew up with.
Through compromise of self we get lost in the never achievable image of who we are supposed to be no matter what the role is. We are left
feeling lost and alone and try and convince ourselves that it’s just the way things are. We go as far as saying “Someone else deserves happiness
and I don’t.” this belief makes sense of the choices you make.
These roles seem to pop up out of no where just to remind you of how things are. When you find yourself outside of your comfort zone and
following your heart everything in your world will fight tooth and nail in order to keep things the way they are. These comfort zones usually
have nothing to do with comfort, but they are based on fear. This occurs in everyone, the question is are you aware of it. For some, even those
who are aware of the process will return to how things are because they think it’s just easier that way. They give themselves the option of this
or that. “I can either do this or I can do that.” Since most likely they are focused on the worse case scenario they fail to see the myriad of
options that are available to them. The thought process they use to try and solve the problem is the very same thought process that kept them
in the comfort zone in the first place. They fail to follow their heart and put their assumptions and beliefs in a systematical insanity of finding
the answer. You cannot and never will find the answer with blinders on to the world.
This is not to say that everyone will agree or be happy about the decisions you decide to make, but in all honesty when pursuing your heart
what difference does it make. We put so much importance in the relationships we have and do what ever it takes to stay in them even when the
relationship no longer serves you. We have a packrat mentality and try to hoard and keep the options that are available to us. This compromise
is brought on by the roles we play in life dictated by the opinions of others on what is the norm. The problem is that being normal is death. Do
you do things for your mother because you want to or because you are afraid of what the neighbors may think. You may be afraid of making
your mother angry or disappointed and your actions are dictated by those perceived outcomes.
Be careful how you take things that people say and remember that words are like seeds that plant an idea in your mind. This is not to say that
everything said to you is a lie, but when you find yourself making assumptions about someone or something based on what is told to you it
can be dangerous in your opinion of the relationship you have with the person being spoken of. This is why you make sure not to take
anything personal and have it effect your decisions. People mostly do not do this with ill intention but they do have an ulterior motive.
Being normal can be seen as having a car, the good job, the house with a white picket fence, the family, the lunch time, the routine. This is why
you will find so many saying that life needs structure and logic. Structure and logic is normal living and that is absolutely boring and I consider
it to be the true meaning of hell. Don’t get me wrong all the things listed above can be good things, but routine and structure is what causes you
to fall into the autopilot of roles. Material things in itself are neither good nor bad it is the fear and attachment that you get to them that cause
you to develop yet another role. If you have fear of losing something you will do what ever it takes to keep it, including compromising who
you are and doing things that are not in line with your happiness. I think a good rule of thumb is if you find yourself having a hard time lending
something you should give it away.
This fear is also apparent in the relationships you have and the obligations that come along with it. The problem is that the true fear lies not in
the object or the person but within yourself. This fear is lack, you put so much value in something or someone outside of yourself because you
think that their value defines who you are. The more friends and popularity I have the better I feel about myself. The more things I have the
better I feel about myself. Then you venture into the realm of control which is yet another compromise and obligation but beyond the scope of
this article. The funny thing is that value and price of material things and relationships are completely relative and are in constant change.
Would you pay one hundred dollars for five French fries? That sounds ridiculous unless you are dying of starvation. Would you stay with
someone who abuses you in any way? You may say no but there are thousands if not millions who put themselves through this torture every
day simply because they are afraid of anything else.
Many will stay at a job that they absolutely hate because they are afraid of not being able to make a payment for a car. This may seem logical
and the mind will come up with many brilliant reasons why you should stay, but I ask what is more important your overall happiness or the
car. Some will say “but the car makes me happy.” And I have to wonder if they think that they have to suffer in order to enjoy happiness
which comes from the thought of “nothing comes easy.” And so they have a slice of something delightful in which they have to spend the
majority of their time feeling like they are suffering for it.
Even when someone is doing something that they truly enjoy sometimes they will feel guilty because of the pleasure they derive from it. In the
moment they are in true bliss, then think well maybe I should have been doing something constructive. One of the biggest compromises we
make is based on the assumptions of “what will people think.” We worry that they think we are wrong in doing what we did, my question is
why do you care so much?
You have absolutely no right to try and make people happy all the time. First of all it is not possible and falls into the realm of control. You
also have no right to expect people to make you happy. The only place you can find any value that is actually real for you is value in who you
are. This is usually the last place someone will look for value and is why people find themselves compromising who they are and what they
believe in.
Some will read this article and believe that they know who they are and what they stand for. They will defend their position endlessly based
on their self righteousness, in this situation I will give you some food for thought. Is your knowing in who you are attached to judgment of
yourself and others? Judgment is also attached to compromise of roles, when you judge others you are giving yourself a sense of being better or
right. You need others in order to try and prove your value, but once again the security is fleeting because it is an unstable value. In the past
people have been put to death based on not fitting the mold of perceived values. Jesus was crucified on a cross because he was such rebel and
didn’t follow the mold of understanding that said religious people followed at the time. This holds true for many religious leaders and truly
outstanding people in our history.
They understood that following the normal patterns of thought was in fact hell and not true living. They lived fully and were able to
accomplish things that survived past their mortal experience. Of course in our trying to make sense of things we turn it into a “right and
wrong.” My religion is right and yours is wrong. My theory is right and yours is wrong. We live on a level in which you believe you are
defined by your environment, culture, or society. We make our assumptions and judgments based on what we believe is right. The problem is
that there is no such thing as right and wrong and is only relative to the status quo.
People will justify why they do things in an intricate web of logic and mere ignorance. They will justify why one race is better than another, or
why they are better than another person. They will fit the role of expectation of what they know in order to feel safe and secure. Don’t worry,
I’m not singling you out, everyone does it including me. The questions is are you aware of it? When you find yourself worried about what
someone’s opinion is of you or you think you will hurt someone by doing what you feel in your heart do you question your own motives?
Then do you figure “I was wrong and so in order to be a good person I need to do this, that way everyone will be happy and approve of me.”
In my opinion it seems quite arrogant to think you can control anyone else’s happiness and honestly is a waste of time and energy.
If you find yourself not being happy, feeling alone or feeling lost I can tell you that it has absolutely nothing to do with anyone else. This is
where we get “the grass is greener” syndrome, we assume that we will be happy when we get something or someone that we don’t have. This
obviously states that you will find happiness somewhere other than where it truly is. Many will spend much time wanting these things only
to find yet more disappointment and heartache once they have attained it. Things only seem to get more confusing because the perceived value
is not what you thought it was. You are living with the limitation of lack.
The fact is that you have everything that you truly want but you only focus on what you don’t have. You will sit there alone wishing that
your spouse paid attention to you and focus on that lack and miss the value in the connection you have with others or worse you will turn it
into a dramatic want for what you think you don’t have. You put more value into someone else because you think that your happiness is in
them. This is the role of victim “I am not happy now, but if only I had…” My thoughts on this, quit whining and live your life already, you’re
letting it pass you by.
The roles we play do not define who we are they are merely roles. When you understand this and know where your beliefs come from you will
understand the dynamic of all human experience. I have been guilty of playing a few roles in order to wake people up from a certain state of
sleep because although you are reading this information now it will not truly become part of your understanding until you experience
something that will wake you up. Becoming aware of who you really are and what is true for you is usually a process derived from some type
of perceived misery.
The key here is to remember who you really are at all times. You will have many who will tell you how to live your life. You will have many
who will tell you what is right and what is wrong. You will have many who expect you to make them happy. You decide what your role is and
what best defines it, any type of judgment or expectation from someone else has to do with their beliefs and experience.
You decide what it means to be a mother, a father, a wife, a husband and play that role accordingly to what makes you happy. Embrace these
roles with no fear or limitations of what you are capable of. Love is what defines fearlessness, love is ruthless and has no time for fear. So I
say, do not compromise who you are and what defines you. Do not allow yourself to get lost in someone else’s expectation of a role they
think you should fit. Do not try and apply these roles to other people. Be who you are, make every decision with love and do not hold back
the passion that defines your true self. You have no right to be anything other than you and you have every right to be happy.
By Rafi Perez
I have noticed that our world and reality is made up of roles, obligations and compromises that we keep to in order to fit in to what we think is
normal. We play the roles of father, mother, son, daughter, husband, wife, and boss defining these roles by becoming what we think it means to
those who surround us. What’s more is we become something that we are not in order to fit the mold of understanding that we grew up with.
Through compromise of self we get lost in the never achievable image of who we are supposed to be no matter what the role is. We are left
feeling lost and alone and try and convince ourselves that it’s just the way things are. We go as far as saying “Someone else deserves happiness
and I don’t.” this belief makes sense of the choices you make.
These roles seem to pop up out of no where just to remind you of how things are. When you find yourself outside of your comfort zone and
following your heart everything in your world will fight tooth and nail in order to keep things the way they are. These comfort zones usually
have nothing to do with comfort, but they are based on fear. This occurs in everyone, the question is are you aware of it. For some, even those
who are aware of the process will return to how things are because they think it’s just easier that way. They give themselves the option of this
or that. “I can either do this or I can do that.” Since most likely they are focused on the worse case scenario they fail to see the myriad of
options that are available to them. The thought process they use to try and solve the problem is the very same thought process that kept them
in the comfort zone in the first place. They fail to follow their heart and put their assumptions and beliefs in a systematical insanity of finding
the answer. You cannot and never will find the answer with blinders on to the world.
This is not to say that everyone will agree or be happy about the decisions you decide to make, but in all honesty when pursuing your heart
what difference does it make. We put so much importance in the relationships we have and do what ever it takes to stay in them even when the
relationship no longer serves you. We have a packrat mentality and try to hoard and keep the options that are available to us. This compromise
is brought on by the roles we play in life dictated by the opinions of others on what is the norm. The problem is that being normal is death. Do
you do things for your mother because you want to or because you are afraid of what the neighbors may think. You may be afraid of making
your mother angry or disappointed and your actions are dictated by those perceived outcomes.
Be careful how you take things that people say and remember that words are like seeds that plant an idea in your mind. This is not to say that
everything said to you is a lie, but when you find yourself making assumptions about someone or something based on what is told to you it
can be dangerous in your opinion of the relationship you have with the person being spoken of. This is why you make sure not to take
anything personal and have it effect your decisions. People mostly do not do this with ill intention but they do have an ulterior motive.
Being normal can be seen as having a car, the good job, the house with a white picket fence, the family, the lunch time, the routine. This is why
you will find so many saying that life needs structure and logic. Structure and logic is normal living and that is absolutely boring and I consider
it to be the true meaning of hell. Don’t get me wrong all the things listed above can be good things, but routine and structure is what causes you
to fall into the autopilot of roles. Material things in itself are neither good nor bad it is the fear and attachment that you get to them that cause
you to develop yet another role. If you have fear of losing something you will do what ever it takes to keep it, including compromising who
you are and doing things that are not in line with your happiness. I think a good rule of thumb is if you find yourself having a hard time lending
something you should give it away.
This fear is also apparent in the relationships you have and the obligations that come along with it. The problem is that the true fear lies not in
the object or the person but within yourself. This fear is lack, you put so much value in something or someone outside of yourself because you
think that their value defines who you are. The more friends and popularity I have the better I feel about myself. The more things I have the
better I feel about myself. Then you venture into the realm of control which is yet another compromise and obligation but beyond the scope of
this article. The funny thing is that value and price of material things and relationships are completely relative and are in constant change.
Would you pay one hundred dollars for five French fries? That sounds ridiculous unless you are dying of starvation. Would you stay with
someone who abuses you in any way? You may say no but there are thousands if not millions who put themselves through this torture every
day simply because they are afraid of anything else.
Many will stay at a job that they absolutely hate because they are afraid of not being able to make a payment for a car. This may seem logical
and the mind will come up with many brilliant reasons why you should stay, but I ask what is more important your overall happiness or the
car. Some will say “but the car makes me happy.” And I have to wonder if they think that they have to suffer in order to enjoy happiness
which comes from the thought of “nothing comes easy.” And so they have a slice of something delightful in which they have to spend the
majority of their time feeling like they are suffering for it.
Even when someone is doing something that they truly enjoy sometimes they will feel guilty because of the pleasure they derive from it. In the
moment they are in true bliss, then think well maybe I should have been doing something constructive. One of the biggest compromises we
make is based on the assumptions of “what will people think.” We worry that they think we are wrong in doing what we did, my question is
why do you care so much?
You have absolutely no right to try and make people happy all the time. First of all it is not possible and falls into the realm of control. You
also have no right to expect people to make you happy. The only place you can find any value that is actually real for you is value in who you
are. This is usually the last place someone will look for value and is why people find themselves compromising who they are and what they
believe in.
Some will read this article and believe that they know who they are and what they stand for. They will defend their position endlessly based
on their self righteousness, in this situation I will give you some food for thought. Is your knowing in who you are attached to judgment of
yourself and others? Judgment is also attached to compromise of roles, when you judge others you are giving yourself a sense of being better or
right. You need others in order to try and prove your value, but once again the security is fleeting because it is an unstable value. In the past
people have been put to death based on not fitting the mold of perceived values. Jesus was crucified on a cross because he was such rebel and
didn’t follow the mold of understanding that said religious people followed at the time. This holds true for many religious leaders and truly
outstanding people in our history.
They understood that following the normal patterns of thought was in fact hell and not true living. They lived fully and were able to
accomplish things that survived past their mortal experience. Of course in our trying to make sense of things we turn it into a “right and
wrong.” My religion is right and yours is wrong. My theory is right and yours is wrong. We live on a level in which you believe you are
defined by your environment, culture, or society. We make our assumptions and judgments based on what we believe is right. The problem is
that there is no such thing as right and wrong and is only relative to the status quo.
People will justify why they do things in an intricate web of logic and mere ignorance. They will justify why one race is better than another, or
why they are better than another person. They will fit the role of expectation of what they know in order to feel safe and secure. Don’t worry,
I’m not singling you out, everyone does it including me. The questions is are you aware of it? When you find yourself worried about what
someone’s opinion is of you or you think you will hurt someone by doing what you feel in your heart do you question your own motives?
Then do you figure “I was wrong and so in order to be a good person I need to do this, that way everyone will be happy and approve of me.”
In my opinion it seems quite arrogant to think you can control anyone else’s happiness and honestly is a waste of time and energy.
If you find yourself not being happy, feeling alone or feeling lost I can tell you that it has absolutely nothing to do with anyone else. This is
where we get “the grass is greener” syndrome, we assume that we will be happy when we get something or someone that we don’t have. This
obviously states that you will find happiness somewhere other than where it truly is. Many will spend much time wanting these things only
to find yet more disappointment and heartache once they have attained it. Things only seem to get more confusing because the perceived value
is not what you thought it was. You are living with the limitation of lack.
The fact is that you have everything that you truly want but you only focus on what you don’t have. You will sit there alone wishing that
your spouse paid attention to you and focus on that lack and miss the value in the connection you have with others or worse you will turn it
into a dramatic want for what you think you don’t have. You put more value into someone else because you think that your happiness is in
them. This is the role of victim “I am not happy now, but if only I had…” My thoughts on this, quit whining and live your life already, you’re
letting it pass you by.
The roles we play do not define who we are they are merely roles. When you understand this and know where your beliefs come from you will
understand the dynamic of all human experience. I have been guilty of playing a few roles in order to wake people up from a certain state of
sleep because although you are reading this information now it will not truly become part of your understanding until you experience
something that will wake you up. Becoming aware of who you really are and what is true for you is usually a process derived from some type
of perceived misery.
The key here is to remember who you really are at all times. You will have many who will tell you how to live your life. You will have many
who will tell you what is right and what is wrong. You will have many who expect you to make them happy. You decide what your role is and
what best defines it, any type of judgment or expectation from someone else has to do with their beliefs and experience.
You decide what it means to be a mother, a father, a wife, a husband and play that role accordingly to what makes you happy. Embrace these
roles with no fear or limitations of what you are capable of. Love is what defines fearlessness, love is ruthless and has no time for fear. So I
say, do not compromise who you are and what defines you. Do not allow yourself to get lost in someone else’s expectation of a role they
think you should fit. Do not try and apply these roles to other people. Be who you are, make every decision with love and do not hold back
the passion that defines your true self. You have no right to be anything other than you and you have every right to be happy.
