The girl at the meetings was wishful thinking! the idea that she was attracted to me was a pipe dream! She started out with some interest that quickly turned cold! Now Im nothing! not noticed! Im shunned, shunned like a nun with a machine gun!
Im spit on spiritually by those that have written me of as an imbecile! Im considered a sycophant but harmless! I cant wait until Im better! I would like to be better and leave that place, those people and never return... Im around perfect people!
Im around specific people of the recovery nature! and its working. Its spiritual chemo therapy! and its working! I have to play act as someone else. Im not me! not the cool me! I have to sacrifice status for recovery!
These are lovers of the world! They look at me as a weakling to be pitied. Im a laughing stock! Yet its worse. Im written of as a negative status position! as something to stay away from! I am a lose cannon that is not safe! a weirdo in the myst!
And I do these things and show these things of a poor nature that God may heal me in the myst of things... I am not alone!
Some one to be shunned by the pleasant good looking people of merit that have it going on! That have it there way!
Some one might smile at me, but never be caught dead talking to me on the street, and they would never invite me out as a friend, they would not want others to be seen with me!
And at times I want to sleep with my enemies ( politically speaking) and this is wrong, and a greate error on my part! and it is this error that so many lesson of pain are coming my way!
I am be in the room with them, however, never eat with them at there table, for it is deceptive food, and their hearts are planning my death every time I take a bite!
Status means everything to these people! and God has brought me around these people to tuff n up!
I forget who I am at times! none of them can be trusted. None are safe! I must not forget that!
In them is fear and hatred and contempt! I am the lowest of low! someone of no regard to be laughed at! I am no one to remember! And I must remember that man sees me this way! so, he is nothing to worry about or care about!
I must learn to turn to God and trust God! and others see me as a weakling and want nothing to do with me! I don't have it going on!
and I do not have to go through this any more then Jesus Christ had to die on the cross!
Like Jesus, I chose to go through what I go through! I must follow God! and I am! I have to go through what I go through to be restored to life!
I sacrifice how I look to others, or my real identity! I sacrifice that I may get better and be of use to God some day! I would rather serve him then satan! Ive served satan, now I want to serve God again. Im still caught in the clutches of satan. God is slowly, very slowly pulling me away from satan and back to God!
At times I want to take my will back and be loved by the world! However, when the world finds out Im not of it! it attempts to reject me@
There arrogance blinds them to the truth! and the truth of what Im doing around them!
Im spit on spiritually by those that have written me of as an imbecile! Im considered a sycophant but harmless! I cant wait until Im better! I would like to be better and leave that place, those people and never return... Im around perfect people!
Im around specific people of the recovery nature! and its working. Its spiritual chemo therapy! and its working! I have to play act as someone else. Im not me! not the cool me! I have to sacrifice status for recovery!
These are lovers of the world! They look at me as a weakling to be pitied. Im a laughing stock! Yet its worse. Im written of as a negative status position! as something to stay away from! I am a lose cannon that is not safe! a weirdo in the myst!
And I do these things and show these things of a poor nature that God may heal me in the myst of things... I am not alone!
Some one to be shunned by the pleasant good looking people of merit that have it going on! That have it there way!
Some one might smile at me, but never be caught dead talking to me on the street, and they would never invite me out as a friend, they would not want others to be seen with me!
And at times I want to sleep with my enemies ( politically speaking) and this is wrong, and a greate error on my part! and it is this error that so many lesson of pain are coming my way!
I am be in the room with them, however, never eat with them at there table, for it is deceptive food, and their hearts are planning my death every time I take a bite!
Status means everything to these people! and God has brought me around these people to tuff n up!
I forget who I am at times! none of them can be trusted. None are safe! I must not forget that!
In them is fear and hatred and contempt! I am the lowest of low! someone of no regard to be laughed at! I am no one to remember! And I must remember that man sees me this way! so, he is nothing to worry about or care about!
I must learn to turn to God and trust God! and others see me as a weakling and want nothing to do with me! I don't have it going on!
and I do not have to go through this any more then Jesus Christ had to die on the cross!
Like Jesus, I chose to go through what I go through! I must follow God! and I am! I have to go through what I go through to be restored to life!
I sacrifice how I look to others, or my real identity! I sacrifice that I may get better and be of use to God some day! I would rather serve him then satan! Ive served satan, now I want to serve God again. Im still caught in the clutches of satan. God is slowly, very slowly pulling me away from satan and back to God!
At times I want to take my will back and be loved by the world! However, when the world finds out Im not of it! it attempts to reject me@
There arrogance blinds them to the truth! and the truth of what Im doing around them!
