When I was younger than I am now, I thought the right thing to do was to always please others. I broke my back trying to make my parents happy. I tried to make them except me for who I was. I always knew I was different and had no intention of changing. Instead, I tried to help them open their minds and see that everyone is not like them and never will be. But it lead to anger and destruction of a possible relationship with my step dad and the loss of one with my mother. I tried to make decisions on my own at an early age because I longed to be independent. That's just the kind of person I learned I am. But they never turned out right because my parents never allowed me to carry them out. I was only allowed to do what they made me even if I knew that it wouldn't turn out right but it was either their way or the highway. My step-dad is that kind of person where he is always right even when he is dead wrong.
To make an extremely long and weird story short. I am an adult now and I am actually able to make decisions on my own. I chose for my freshman semester to not party. That's the only there is to do in such a small town. I chose to keep to myself and study. I still met a lot of people mostly guys because they are sometimes easier to talk to. They approached me because I seemed "mysterious." I never spoke much and people found me interesting not stuck up which made it easy for me to make friends because I am extremely shy.
ANYWAYS!!! Way off subject. I met my current boyfriend during the summer and decided to stay with him. I don't have a vehicle so I was not able to visit my family and they didn't visit me, but my boyfriend did. Almost every weekend he would come and visit me. And sometimes he would even drive that 3 hour drive after a football game on friday's just to come and visit me. My parent's didn't like it at all. My first semester I didn't do a lot of reading my bible and praying. I didn't go to campus church. I just felt because it wasn't my church then I shouldn't trust just anyone's teachings. I made a lot of mistakes my not listening to the sermons that my mom sent to me on a cd. In a sense I guess I did put my boyfriend before God which was a terrible mistake. I wasn't happy at all. I had a campus job but didn't make much at all to support me and my parents didn't want me to have a real job starting out so they told me they would help me but didn't because of my boyfriend.
My boyfriend and I are Christians. We want better lives for ourselves and want to be a Christian couple but it's hard. I have had the Bible forced down my throat ever since they got married ( my mom and step dad). That and the way they were showing rude and ungodly behavior to others by being judgmental and holding their heads way too high made me question some things. I am having a really hard time with my commitment to God. I just feel that once and for all I have my freedom from my parents and I wanna explore it. I was sheltered from the world but I do know what it's like out there. They never failed to inform me on what was going on in the world according to the news. I feel a lot of reasons I never went anywhere this past semester is because I don't really know what will happen and if I will know what to do or how to act. I just guidance which is hard to find in uncharted territory. I don't know who to trust when it comes to Christian advice. I just wanna hear God and have him guide me and I see it. I need help. I feel like all of this is so new to me. I just want to learn to hear HIM and no one else. I want to please HIM and no one else so that I can be happy for once in my life ( not an exaggeration. I can't tell you once I have been happy in my life). I just want to explore new things. Decide where I want to go for the holidays without being metaphorically stabbed in the throat and left eye by the harsh daggers of my younger sister and parents words. I just want to be happy and feel free from them for a moment and not feel guilty because I didn't make them happy. I don't want to be a people pleaser anymore.
To make an extremely long and weird story short. I am an adult now and I am actually able to make decisions on my own. I chose for my freshman semester to not party. That's the only there is to do in such a small town. I chose to keep to myself and study. I still met a lot of people mostly guys because they are sometimes easier to talk to. They approached me because I seemed "mysterious." I never spoke much and people found me interesting not stuck up which made it easy for me to make friends because I am extremely shy.
ANYWAYS!!! Way off subject. I met my current boyfriend during the summer and decided to stay with him. I don't have a vehicle so I was not able to visit my family and they didn't visit me, but my boyfriend did. Almost every weekend he would come and visit me. And sometimes he would even drive that 3 hour drive after a football game on friday's just to come and visit me. My parent's didn't like it at all. My first semester I didn't do a lot of reading my bible and praying. I didn't go to campus church. I just felt because it wasn't my church then I shouldn't trust just anyone's teachings. I made a lot of mistakes my not listening to the sermons that my mom sent to me on a cd. In a sense I guess I did put my boyfriend before God which was a terrible mistake. I wasn't happy at all. I had a campus job but didn't make much at all to support me and my parents didn't want me to have a real job starting out so they told me they would help me but didn't because of my boyfriend.
My boyfriend and I are Christians. We want better lives for ourselves and want to be a Christian couple but it's hard. I have had the Bible forced down my throat ever since they got married ( my mom and step dad). That and the way they were showing rude and ungodly behavior to others by being judgmental and holding their heads way too high made me question some things. I am having a really hard time with my commitment to God. I just feel that once and for all I have my freedom from my parents and I wanna explore it. I was sheltered from the world but I do know what it's like out there. They never failed to inform me on what was going on in the world according to the news. I feel a lot of reasons I never went anywhere this past semester is because I don't really know what will happen and if I will know what to do or how to act. I just guidance which is hard to find in uncharted territory. I don't know who to trust when it comes to Christian advice. I just wanna hear God and have him guide me and I see it. I need help. I feel like all of this is so new to me. I just want to learn to hear HIM and no one else. I want to please HIM and no one else so that I can be happy for once in my life ( not an exaggeration. I can't tell you once I have been happy in my life). I just want to explore new things. Decide where I want to go for the holidays without being metaphorically stabbed in the throat and left eye by the harsh daggers of my younger sister and parents words. I just want to be happy and feel free from them for a moment and not feel guilty because I didn't make them happy. I don't want to be a people pleaser anymore.
