Today

feeling very down today.
i have reached a point where i wonder if i'm having a breakdown.

not going to do Christmas
not going to do a gathering with relatives in January
probably get backlash about it
but the way i am i just cant do it
emotionally i am burnt out and actually my emotions wont let me.
just not sure how my relatives and family will react though.

i dont want to have a breakdown though.
but i need stuff to change
i cant do it anymore the way it is.

i want to go away this weekend and disappear for a couple of days but i cant because of my cat.

but somehow i want to try to make that happen
i just need to get out of everything away from everything