Well, it's Halloween 2011. Time really has flied this year. Did we even have a summer? LOL. But when I think of Halloween, I no longer have the actual holiday in mind, but the day my father was taken from this world. Today is the 5-year-anniversary. I can't believe it's been that long.
I think having the anniversary on a major holiday makes it even harder because you're always reminded about what's to come around the corner as soon as that first bag of candy is set on store shelves.
For me, though, October has become a very bittersweet month. I love October for it's fall-time activities, but it's also the month my dad died. It's rough. I kind of get emotionally drained during October and usually feel better once that day comes and goes.
But like with every bad thing, God has taken a tragedy in my life and done a lot of good things with it. I have learned so much in the last 5 years. Here is a short list of things:
1) That time is short. I am a person who lives for today. Even the bible says not to worry about tomorrow and the trouble it may hold and I believe that. Living for tomorrow wastes the gift that is today.
I think we take for granted the fact that we believe that tomorrow we can do this or do that. But we're not guaranteed a tomorrow, are we? We think it, we know it's true, but we don't live our lives as if it could be true. But once we lose someone close in our lives in a horrible accident and you never got to say good-bye or that you love him/her, you realize every moment you took for granted. You think about how stupid and petty every fight was. You're may not get a tomorrow, so live every day like it's your last.
2) I learned to grow up. My dad, of course, was the man of the house. He had some really big shoes to fill and I am disappointed that I'm not half the man he was. But he was the glue that held the family together. He was very funny, compassionate and kind. And when he passed, it left a hole in everyone's heart that they looked on me to fill. I had to grow up in an instant and take care of family matters. It was my responsibility to help my step-mom and sister get back on their feet after this happened.
The morning of the accident, it was my job to call the rest of the family. I had to call my step mom and get her home from work so I could tell her that her boyfriend was just killed. Can imagine anything harder than that? I had to call my sister and tell her. I had to make sure my grandma was okay because she had a heart problem and just got home after a heart attack. So it made me stronger. I had to fill his role of the one who had all the answers and I now had to take care of the family. Usually that's a learned growth process, but I had to grow up immediately.
3) Lastly, it helped me to become more compassionate. We live in sick times where we don't really care about the things other people are going through. We hear about people dying on the news and we just go on about our lives like we're desensitized to it. "As long as it wasn't me..." But I'm not like that anymore.
Whenever I hear about someone dying, I am brought back to that day and everything my family went through. I think, "A cop will show up at that person's doorstep and deliver the worst news of that family's life."
So God does take bad times and circumstances and uses them for good who believes. I WANT the tragedies in my life to help encourage other people who have been through the same things.
I think having the anniversary on a major holiday makes it even harder because you're always reminded about what's to come around the corner as soon as that first bag of candy is set on store shelves.
For me, though, October has become a very bittersweet month. I love October for it's fall-time activities, but it's also the month my dad died. It's rough. I kind of get emotionally drained during October and usually feel better once that day comes and goes.
But like with every bad thing, God has taken a tragedy in my life and done a lot of good things with it. I have learned so much in the last 5 years. Here is a short list of things:
1) That time is short. I am a person who lives for today. Even the bible says not to worry about tomorrow and the trouble it may hold and I believe that. Living for tomorrow wastes the gift that is today.
I think we take for granted the fact that we believe that tomorrow we can do this or do that. But we're not guaranteed a tomorrow, are we? We think it, we know it's true, but we don't live our lives as if it could be true. But once we lose someone close in our lives in a horrible accident and you never got to say good-bye or that you love him/her, you realize every moment you took for granted. You think about how stupid and petty every fight was. You're may not get a tomorrow, so live every day like it's your last.
2) I learned to grow up. My dad, of course, was the man of the house. He had some really big shoes to fill and I am disappointed that I'm not half the man he was. But he was the glue that held the family together. He was very funny, compassionate and kind. And when he passed, it left a hole in everyone's heart that they looked on me to fill. I had to grow up in an instant and take care of family matters. It was my responsibility to help my step-mom and sister get back on their feet after this happened.
The morning of the accident, it was my job to call the rest of the family. I had to call my step mom and get her home from work so I could tell her that her boyfriend was just killed. Can imagine anything harder than that? I had to call my sister and tell her. I had to make sure my grandma was okay because she had a heart problem and just got home after a heart attack. So it made me stronger. I had to fill his role of the one who had all the answers and I now had to take care of the family. Usually that's a learned growth process, but I had to grow up immediately.
3) Lastly, it helped me to become more compassionate. We live in sick times where we don't really care about the things other people are going through. We hear about people dying on the news and we just go on about our lives like we're desensitized to it. "As long as it wasn't me..." But I'm not like that anymore.
Whenever I hear about someone dying, I am brought back to that day and everything my family went through. I think, "A cop will show up at that person's doorstep and deliver the worst news of that family's life."
So God does take bad times and circumstances and uses them for good who believes. I WANT the tragedies in my life to help encourage other people who have been through the same things.
