Of the countless prayers that a Christian can offer up to the Lord, I have yet to find one more intimidating in its sheer life-altering power than this:
"Not my will, but yours, Lord."
This prayer has been on my lips a lot recently, both in trivial matters and important ones. It's fairly easy to pray that God's will be done in the small details of life.
When it becomes terrifying is when you pray, with a cringing but sincere heart, "Lord, change me. Make me into the person you intended me to be."
This is a prayer God never says "No" to.
During the last year, I took a critical look at my own life and saw (as I suspected I would) that it did not even come close to a godly life. My relationship with my boyfriend and our living situation is decidedly not a Christian one (and no amount of society's blessing or excuse-making on my part is going to change what God's word has to say about it).
I tend to gossip at work and feed into the negative, disrespectful conversations that go on there (because I'm secretly afraid that if I don't, my coworkers will turn on me and make my time there miserable).
I am selfish when it comes to money. I had addictions to smoking and amphetamines that I was using to get through my day instead of relying on God for strength and peace.
I was depressed, anxious, and feeling the control I thought I had on my life slip away...and worst of all, I felt my heart hardening once again toward my Lord and Savior, who had welcomed me back with loving and open arms and had done so much to guide me along His path.
That's when I realized I had no choice, no way out of the grave I was digging, but to pray the most terrifying prayer I could think of..."Not my will, but yours, Lord. I can't do this alone. Change me."
It was terrifying because I knew what an enormous prayer I was praying! I realized that I had asked God to disrupt life as I knew it, to tear me up by the roots and replant me in better soil, regardless of my habits and desires and so-called needs. It's much like having a tooth filled...even though it's not a pleasant or comfortable experience, it has to be done before the decay get any worse.
God is merciful, though. He never lays a heavier burden on you than the two of you can share.
And he has certainly changed me. I quit smoking, and I have been cigarette-free for one year and two weeks now.
I finished the last of my prescription for amphetamines one week ago...it hasn't been easy, but God is helping me through it, a day at a time, an hour at a time. (I had been taking these pills since I was 12 years old, starting with an errant diagnosis of ADD, so you can imagine how afraid I was to let go of them...I had never been without them a day of my adult life.)
He is the Great Physician, and He will show me a new way to live. For the first time I can remember, by the grace of God and our Lord Jesus Christ, I am completely free of my addictions. I am so thankful that it brings me to tears, because being a slave to anything is a terrible way to live.
He is working with me on the rest. I am learning to keep my mouth shut at work instead of feeding the gossip monster...it is hard to put aside my fear, but I am determined to do it somehow. My relationships are changing, and though they might be awkward temporarily (and some of them may end while some grow stronger), I know this is for the best. And He's teaching me the truth about the limited value of money, though that's a lesson I'm learning the hard way at the moment. Some lessons have to hurt a bit, I think, or they never really hit home.
As terrifying as it is to give everything up to the Lord, there comes with it a peace like no other...for if you truly trust Him enough to offer everything up to Him, you also have faith enough to know that He won't let you down.
He will take care of you...in ways that you may not expect, or may not be comfortable with right away, He has your best interest at heart, and He knows just where to lead you. Trusting in Him means that, in the end, everything will turn out alright. Who else can make us such a certain, solid, comforting promise?
"Not my will, but yours, Lord."
This prayer has been on my lips a lot recently, both in trivial matters and important ones. It's fairly easy to pray that God's will be done in the small details of life.
When it becomes terrifying is when you pray, with a cringing but sincere heart, "Lord, change me. Make me into the person you intended me to be."
This is a prayer God never says "No" to.
During the last year, I took a critical look at my own life and saw (as I suspected I would) that it did not even come close to a godly life. My relationship with my boyfriend and our living situation is decidedly not a Christian one (and no amount of society's blessing or excuse-making on my part is going to change what God's word has to say about it).
I tend to gossip at work and feed into the negative, disrespectful conversations that go on there (because I'm secretly afraid that if I don't, my coworkers will turn on me and make my time there miserable).
I am selfish when it comes to money. I had addictions to smoking and amphetamines that I was using to get through my day instead of relying on God for strength and peace.
I was depressed, anxious, and feeling the control I thought I had on my life slip away...and worst of all, I felt my heart hardening once again toward my Lord and Savior, who had welcomed me back with loving and open arms and had done so much to guide me along His path.
That's when I realized I had no choice, no way out of the grave I was digging, but to pray the most terrifying prayer I could think of..."Not my will, but yours, Lord. I can't do this alone. Change me."
It was terrifying because I knew what an enormous prayer I was praying! I realized that I had asked God to disrupt life as I knew it, to tear me up by the roots and replant me in better soil, regardless of my habits and desires and so-called needs. It's much like having a tooth filled...even though it's not a pleasant or comfortable experience, it has to be done before the decay get any worse.
God is merciful, though. He never lays a heavier burden on you than the two of you can share.
And he has certainly changed me. I quit smoking, and I have been cigarette-free for one year and two weeks now.
I finished the last of my prescription for amphetamines one week ago...it hasn't been easy, but God is helping me through it, a day at a time, an hour at a time. (I had been taking these pills since I was 12 years old, starting with an errant diagnosis of ADD, so you can imagine how afraid I was to let go of them...I had never been without them a day of my adult life.)
He is the Great Physician, and He will show me a new way to live. For the first time I can remember, by the grace of God and our Lord Jesus Christ, I am completely free of my addictions. I am so thankful that it brings me to tears, because being a slave to anything is a terrible way to live.
He is working with me on the rest. I am learning to keep my mouth shut at work instead of feeding the gossip monster...it is hard to put aside my fear, but I am determined to do it somehow. My relationships are changing, and though they might be awkward temporarily (and some of them may end while some grow stronger), I know this is for the best. And He's teaching me the truth about the limited value of money, though that's a lesson I'm learning the hard way at the moment. Some lessons have to hurt a bit, I think, or they never really hit home.
As terrifying as it is to give everything up to the Lord, there comes with it a peace like no other...for if you truly trust Him enough to offer everything up to Him, you also have faith enough to know that He won't let you down.
He will take care of you...in ways that you may not expect, or may not be comfortable with right away, He has your best interest at heart, and He knows just where to lead you. Trusting in Him means that, in the end, everything will turn out alright. Who else can make us such a certain, solid, comforting promise?