Ugh. I should be in the bed right now. But I feel like I've reached a "breaking point" where I'm breaking out of a bondage that I've been in for the past few years. I'm back... it's no longer simply me existing, but I feel like me again; I may still be very tired much of the time, but my energy is starting to come back strong and as a result I feel like me again. I'm trying to make sure I continue forward in this healing and growth. What has helped me to get here?
Well, the main thing that I want to focus on right now that has helped is... being careful of the company that I keep/the people that I hang around, being careful of the people that I give access to me. It's a boundary issue really, a reestablishing of my boundaries. After all of the chaos and confusion... I've developed a better understanding of what types of people are healthy for me and not so healthy. I've come to have better understanding of what types of people will be my true friends and what types won't stick around when the going gets tough. As painful as this realization has been for me... it's been a fundamental part of my growth. I'm learning to not settle for less. Not that I plan to discriminate against people who I don't consider to be this "type", but I won't be sharing my most personal thoughts and feelings with them. I have a clearer understanding of what red flags to watch out for. But I'm still not completely in the clear... therefore... I'm even more narrow on who I allow access to me right now than I probably should be.
I'm getting really tired... as I should be at this hour... I will finish this later...
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And it's the next day and I'm back. I was thinking about this topic I started yesterday: The company we keep. So... what is it that repels me so to be around now and that sends me running for the hills? Pridefulness... if I sense an overabundance of narcissism in a person I will be very wary of spending too much time around them. People who are too worried about how "cool" they look to others, how accepted they are... over the age of say 25, I think this is really weird. We're not in high school anymore people. Putting up this version of yourself that looks bigger, badder, smarter than you are... I can usually see straight through it, and I don't like the fakeness. People like that, they aren't living for God... they are living to be their own god. I know we all struggle with this at times... but I'm talking about those that habitually have to be in the spotlight, receive special treatment (entitlements), etc. I've seen the ugly side of what being stuck in this state can cause a narcissistic person to do to innocent bystanders... it isn't pretty at all.
Well, the main thing that I want to focus on right now that has helped is... being careful of the company that I keep/the people that I hang around, being careful of the people that I give access to me. It's a boundary issue really, a reestablishing of my boundaries. After all of the chaos and confusion... I've developed a better understanding of what types of people are healthy for me and not so healthy. I've come to have better understanding of what types of people will be my true friends and what types won't stick around when the going gets tough. As painful as this realization has been for me... it's been a fundamental part of my growth. I'm learning to not settle for less. Not that I plan to discriminate against people who I don't consider to be this "type", but I won't be sharing my most personal thoughts and feelings with them. I have a clearer understanding of what red flags to watch out for. But I'm still not completely in the clear... therefore... I'm even more narrow on who I allow access to me right now than I probably should be.
I'm getting really tired... as I should be at this hour... I will finish this later...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And it's the next day and I'm back. I was thinking about this topic I started yesterday: The company we keep. So... what is it that repels me so to be around now and that sends me running for the hills? Pridefulness... if I sense an overabundance of narcissism in a person I will be very wary of spending too much time around them. People who are too worried about how "cool" they look to others, how accepted they are... over the age of say 25, I think this is really weird. We're not in high school anymore people. Putting up this version of yourself that looks bigger, badder, smarter than you are... I can usually see straight through it, and I don't like the fakeness. People like that, they aren't living for God... they are living to be their own god. I know we all struggle with this at times... but I'm talking about those that habitually have to be in the spotlight, receive special treatment (entitlements), etc. I've seen the ugly side of what being stuck in this state can cause a narcissistic person to do to innocent bystanders... it isn't pretty at all.
