One misunderstanding I have seen within women in regards to submission, is that they believe it to mean that the husband has authority or rank over her; that he can boss her around or use that scripture to force her to do whatever he wants her to do. While I am sure some men do this(actually, there is quite a bit more on this side that I wish to address as well), I’d be willing to bet most Christian husbands do not do this.
Ingrid was such a woman. She believed very strongly that if any man was given any kind of authority in his marriage, he would surely abuse it to get his way, and to meet his selfish needs. She felt this way because her husband had been an alcoholic and porn user. He used the verses on submission to keep her quiet about his incredibly destructive behavior. In an attempt to free herself from the pain, she embraced the ‘female superior’ mindset, forced him to quit drinking and viewing porn, and then used those mistakes as justification for viewing men as weaker individuals.
To be clear, if either spouse is into destructive behavior, I believe it to be the duty and responsibility of the other to do everything in their power to set them straight. (as long as it does not cause even more destruction) But just because a man views porn, doesn’t mean every man will, and it certainly doesn’t mean that men are now weaker beings.
Nor does submission mean that the husband has a higher rank than the wife. 1 Peter, Colossians and Ephesians do a pretty good job of summing it up: the husband is the head of the wife and is to love her as Christ loved the church, likewise the wife is to submit to her husband as she would submit to Christ. This doesn’t mean the husband is better, or that the wife is worse; but respect to men is like love or romance to women. A woman can tell her husband “I love you” a thousand times during the day, but if she’s disrespectful or dominating, he won’t feel loved.
Men need words of affirmation from the women they love. If all they hear are complaints about how unsatisfactory they are, they can become detached due to feelings of inadequacy. Men have a natural instinct to provide for and protect their families. They need to hear that their efforts to do this are appreciated, and they need to hear it often. Ultimately, a man needs to know his wife respects and appreciates him. Not because of rank, but because of how God designed him.
Further investigation around the topic of submission produced an extreme in the other direction. As Ingrid continued to bash men over and over, another woman whom I will name Gretchen came in support of submission. However, to her it really was a rank over the woman. Within her community, the verses that encourage women to be submissive are taken to the extreme; they believe that the man should not only be the authority in the marriage, intended to govern the wife, but that he was the spiritual authority over her as well. It was his duty to ensure she didn’t stumble by regularly beating her, as a reminder of her place beneath his authority.
This bothered me greatly. I began to review their “belief system” and found it to be a genuine belief, with many dangerous layers. Women are(generally) seen as spiritually weaker, and more prone to sinful thoughts and tendencies. This is when the man comes along and beats her, sometimes with his hand, sometimes with a belt, sometimes a whip and even a cane or rod of some kind. It’s also his responsibility to interpret scripture for her, as some radicals believe. Aside from the beatings, which have prominent ties to being turned on sexually, they also condone consented “rape” within the relationship. Everything in this belief system revolves around male dominance.
This is not scriptural. I believe the Bible to go strictly against this. Husbands are commanded to love their wives as Christ loved the church. Jesus didn’t beat His followers or punish those who rebelled against Him; quite the contrary, he died for them! So, while I believe that wives are to submit to their husbands, I do not believe submission has anything to do with rank or inferiority. I believe it is a calling.
Ingrid was such a woman. She believed very strongly that if any man was given any kind of authority in his marriage, he would surely abuse it to get his way, and to meet his selfish needs. She felt this way because her husband had been an alcoholic and porn user. He used the verses on submission to keep her quiet about his incredibly destructive behavior. In an attempt to free herself from the pain, she embraced the ‘female superior’ mindset, forced him to quit drinking and viewing porn, and then used those mistakes as justification for viewing men as weaker individuals.
To be clear, if either spouse is into destructive behavior, I believe it to be the duty and responsibility of the other to do everything in their power to set them straight. (as long as it does not cause even more destruction) But just because a man views porn, doesn’t mean every man will, and it certainly doesn’t mean that men are now weaker beings.
Nor does submission mean that the husband has a higher rank than the wife. 1 Peter, Colossians and Ephesians do a pretty good job of summing it up: the husband is the head of the wife and is to love her as Christ loved the church, likewise the wife is to submit to her husband as she would submit to Christ. This doesn’t mean the husband is better, or that the wife is worse; but respect to men is like love or romance to women. A woman can tell her husband “I love you” a thousand times during the day, but if she’s disrespectful or dominating, he won’t feel loved.
Men need words of affirmation from the women they love. If all they hear are complaints about how unsatisfactory they are, they can become detached due to feelings of inadequacy. Men have a natural instinct to provide for and protect their families. They need to hear that their efforts to do this are appreciated, and they need to hear it often. Ultimately, a man needs to know his wife respects and appreciates him. Not because of rank, but because of how God designed him.
Further investigation around the topic of submission produced an extreme in the other direction. As Ingrid continued to bash men over and over, another woman whom I will name Gretchen came in support of submission. However, to her it really was a rank over the woman. Within her community, the verses that encourage women to be submissive are taken to the extreme; they believe that the man should not only be the authority in the marriage, intended to govern the wife, but that he was the spiritual authority over her as well. It was his duty to ensure she didn’t stumble by regularly beating her, as a reminder of her place beneath his authority.
This bothered me greatly. I began to review their “belief system” and found it to be a genuine belief, with many dangerous layers. Women are(generally) seen as spiritually weaker, and more prone to sinful thoughts and tendencies. This is when the man comes along and beats her, sometimes with his hand, sometimes with a belt, sometimes a whip and even a cane or rod of some kind. It’s also his responsibility to interpret scripture for her, as some radicals believe. Aside from the beatings, which have prominent ties to being turned on sexually, they also condone consented “rape” within the relationship. Everything in this belief system revolves around male dominance.
This is not scriptural. I believe the Bible to go strictly against this. Husbands are commanded to love their wives as Christ loved the church. Jesus didn’t beat His followers or punish those who rebelled against Him; quite the contrary, he died for them! So, while I believe that wives are to submit to their husbands, I do not believe submission has anything to do with rank or inferiority. I believe it is a calling.
