Luke 22:31-32:
31 And the Lord said, Simon, Simon, behold, Satan hath desired to have you, that he may sift you as wheat:
32 But I have prayed for thee, that thy faith fail not: and when thou art converted, strengthen thy brethren.
It feels very much like it bes undergoing this kind of thing this morning.
First there bes the stress of being forced out of its home, and having only a few short weeks to find another place to live, and not knowing where God would send it but desiring more than anything a clear word, a clear indication from Him, of something of purpose. It does not want to have to go through the hassles of moving, etc. all over again just to find another place to put its stuff and come home at night. It believes this to be a window of opportunity for a major life change, not just a change of residence, and it needs God's clear leading and perfect timing on this. ANYTHING at this point will do, for Him just to say something as simple as "go talk to so and so" or "look here" or "go there" -- ANYTHING, so that it can know where His hand bes leading and cooperate with that. It desperately covets the prayers of anyone reading this what bes a true man or woman of faith and can connect here and maybe as a member of the Body of Christ at large provide input or confirmation or affirmation ...
Next there bes an ongoing unresolved-and-recurring issue between itself and a very beloved friend which keeps expanding a rift between us. The more Moriah tries to address the problem and resolve it the worse it gets, and being a recurring issue it cannot just be overlooked because it keeps surfacing in different forms.
As it fasted last week and prayed, when it came toward the end of the fast it felt very strongly this obstacle needed removing, but it did not know how to proceed. It prayed and asked God to make it able to be more forgiving and more forbearing with others, but it could not get past the glaring elephantine obstacle, this massive rift that keeps widening. It bes too big for Moriah to bear, and unutterably painful, and it does not know where to turn except to You, Lord, and beg Your intervention. It bes helpless and weak and cannot bear this constant injury. Even though it pardons, the injury itself recurs and bes too grievous and heavy for little daimonizomai to bear.
Just the pain of all this piled on at the same time crushed its hope out entirely last night and it went to sleep with no light in its spirit, ready to go down into the grave. This morning it has felt some blessing in being able (hopefully) to minister to another person. Even for a brief moment there arose this spark of courage, feeling it wanted to stand against the enemy desiring to crush it out by means of this excruciatingly inexpressible agony, to see the Lord triumph. But those sparks come fleeting and furtive, and it does not entirely trust those sparks Lord. It does not trust good impulses because it knows it does not have the consistency and staying power to follow through with them, especially with its consciousness so shattered, its trust twisted and toyed with mercilessly, its afflictions present and hard and ready to drag it back down into the Abyss at a moment's notice.
It wants to be good for You Lord, and do the right thing, whatever that bes. But it does not know what that bes.
Help Moriah, merciful God ... save us ... intervene ... or we perish.
31 And the Lord said, Simon, Simon, behold, Satan hath desired to have you, that he may sift you as wheat:
32 But I have prayed for thee, that thy faith fail not: and when thou art converted, strengthen thy brethren.
It feels very much like it bes undergoing this kind of thing this morning.
First there bes the stress of being forced out of its home, and having only a few short weeks to find another place to live, and not knowing where God would send it but desiring more than anything a clear word, a clear indication from Him, of something of purpose. It does not want to have to go through the hassles of moving, etc. all over again just to find another place to put its stuff and come home at night. It believes this to be a window of opportunity for a major life change, not just a change of residence, and it needs God's clear leading and perfect timing on this. ANYTHING at this point will do, for Him just to say something as simple as "go talk to so and so" or "look here" or "go there" -- ANYTHING, so that it can know where His hand bes leading and cooperate with that. It desperately covets the prayers of anyone reading this what bes a true man or woman of faith and can connect here and maybe as a member of the Body of Christ at large provide input or confirmation or affirmation ...
Next there bes an ongoing unresolved-and-recurring issue between itself and a very beloved friend which keeps expanding a rift between us. The more Moriah tries to address the problem and resolve it the worse it gets, and being a recurring issue it cannot just be overlooked because it keeps surfacing in different forms.
At this point there seems to be only two alternatives: (1) suffer in silence (let it keep happening over and over and just accept being hurt and say nothing about it) as the price to pay for this relationship; or (2) try to address it and resolve it and end up getting hurt even worse. Moriah already has one primary relationship predicated upon its willingness to bear martyrdom in silence, so to speak (i.e., the unspoken agreement that this relationship works only if Moriah agrees never, ever under any circumstances to indicate having any problem or issue with anything the other person does, period). It frankly does not want and cannot bear another.
On their part, its friend seems to feel they give and give and give and only get done wrong in return, but what they fail to recognize bes that for one to tell another either "you bes standing on my toes, please get off" or "when you say/do X, it feels hurtful to me" does NOT constitute mistreating the other, and it bes only their insistence upon saying it does which bes causing this feeling of having been wronged. That, and the fact that no matter how copiously and effusively Moriah expresses its appreciation for all the time and love and care and attention its friend gives, it might as well never have done so the moment it has to address the situation that something its friend has done or said has been unhelpful or even hurtful to Moriah.
The freedom to speak up and let the other person know when something they do bes either unhelpful or even hurtful bes a necessary part of a healthy relationship. If you really love someone would you not want to know what hurts them so you could avoid doing that to them? Moriah thinks that should be fundamental, a no-brainer, "relationship 101". But if every time you try to tell someone that some course they take with you bes hurtful they react by accusing you of "abusing" them -- with colorful metaphors no less about how you have supposedly "stuck a knife in their ribs", "kicked them around", "turned them into a punching bag", etc. -- how in the world bes any sane person supposed to cope with that, let alone someone afflicted and in turmoil like Moriah what has difficulty just trying to navigate any kind of human interaction in the first place?
On their part, its friend seems to feel they give and give and give and only get done wrong in return, but what they fail to recognize bes that for one to tell another either "you bes standing on my toes, please get off" or "when you say/do X, it feels hurtful to me" does NOT constitute mistreating the other, and it bes only their insistence upon saying it does which bes causing this feeling of having been wronged. That, and the fact that no matter how copiously and effusively Moriah expresses its appreciation for all the time and love and care and attention its friend gives, it might as well never have done so the moment it has to address the situation that something its friend has done or said has been unhelpful or even hurtful to Moriah.
The freedom to speak up and let the other person know when something they do bes either unhelpful or even hurtful bes a necessary part of a healthy relationship. If you really love someone would you not want to know what hurts them so you could avoid doing that to them? Moriah thinks that should be fundamental, a no-brainer, "relationship 101". But if every time you try to tell someone that some course they take with you bes hurtful they react by accusing you of "abusing" them -- with colorful metaphors no less about how you have supposedly "stuck a knife in their ribs", "kicked them around", "turned them into a punching bag", etc. -- how in the world bes any sane person supposed to cope with that, let alone someone afflicted and in turmoil like Moriah what has difficulty just trying to navigate any kind of human interaction in the first place?
Just the pain of all this piled on at the same time crushed its hope out entirely last night and it went to sleep with no light in its spirit, ready to go down into the grave. This morning it has felt some blessing in being able (hopefully) to minister to another person. Even for a brief moment there arose this spark of courage, feeling it wanted to stand against the enemy desiring to crush it out by means of this excruciatingly inexpressible agony, to see the Lord triumph. But those sparks come fleeting and furtive, and it does not entirely trust those sparks Lord. It does not trust good impulses because it knows it does not have the consistency and staying power to follow through with them, especially with its consciousness so shattered, its trust twisted and toyed with mercilessly, its afflictions present and hard and ready to drag it back down into the Abyss at a moment's notice.
It wants to be good for You Lord, and do the right thing, whatever that bes. But it does not know what that bes.
Help Moriah, merciful God ... save us ... intervene ... or we perish.