2nd entry
In light of recent events, namely the quarantine due to the COVID-19 outbreak in February of 2020, I have been forced to solitary confinement with the exception of the Landlord in this idyllic oasis, in the center of woods, fields and wildlife. As I am very introverted, this experience as a whole hasn’t been a punishment to me. It has however forced me to a creeping pace. Whereas usually I am running 7 days a week between working and being an active member at my church, I am usually a happy, buzzing bee. Seldom do I come to a complete halt, forced to encounter emotions and memories of the past which flow right beneath the surface, but have for so many years been more or less successfully suppressed by constant busyness. If not busyness than the mind numbing and suppression of my own, real emotions in favor of fiction - books but lately much more like Netflix and prime memberships. Swapping out my unsatisfactory feelings for the fake ones of a character, with no effort at all.
I can suddenly feel how these shows, this streaming is damaging to my personality, my inner well-being and wholeness. I am floating on the surface of superficial emotion and often irrelevant information, sometimes so contorted and stretched, that it cannot resemble the reality of events in the slightest. All in all creating this vacuum of discontent, with my daily chores, with the simplicity of existence. When the quiet beauty, the quiet truth and being in the moment is so restorative. A walk without the constant noise of music hammering out my own consciousness is therapeutic. To listen to the ancient songs of birds serenading the spring, the melody created by the wind as a violinist creates a song with a bow, as it’s drawn across the stings of her instrument, as it strokes across the treetops and the rustling as it combs it’s elegant, invisible fingers through the dead leaves littering the forest ground. It’s a concerto of the finest, a requiem of the death of winter and rejuvenation as new life now dares to stir and gently open its eyes to the world after a long, quiet slumber.
It is the great lie of the modern age. We have exchanged busyness for wholeness. Satan's great plan, to keep us ever reaching and stretching and discontent with where we are. I often overhear people of my generation - and even my parents' generation explain how they are uncomfortable with silence. They grew up with the constant babbling of the TV in the background. How often did my stepfather tell me “The TV was my babysitter.” The emotional bond he had to the TV was something I did not associate with at all. At the time there would be 3 different TV’s blaring on different stations at all times of the day or night. And in order to drown out all that noise, I would turn up my podcast, my music or my own show.
You cannot possibly think, or truly feel anything in such an environment. And now I am suddenly not surprised why I am still struggling to release the pain I have suppressed and numbed since childhood. I am nearly 33 and still dragging it behind me, like a ball and chain fastened to my ankle. Ever rattling, disturbing and crippling, yet unnoticed because of the constant buzzing, babbling, blaring of white noise. This dead weight which keeps a soul from soaring and thriving. In an age where we have more time to be free of duty and to indulge in pleasure, we know less of our own souls than ever before. Our appetite is growing and insatiable because we rarely seek out the One who has the means to satisfy our soul. We are like a person dying of thirst next to a fresh spring. All we have to do is to dip our cup into the cool water and deeply drink in drags, sucking the life giving substance deep into our body.
Beloved, go to the wellspring of Life. Let Him lift your burdens, let him satisfy your soul and your deepest cravings. Only He can fill this need in your soul. The ever striving, gnawing feeling in the pit of your stomach, it can be quenched; it can be stilled; when you allow Jesus his rightful place in your life. Not as your Elf-on-a-shelf. As your Sugar-Daddy-in-the-Sky. As your Pocket-Genie. But as your Maker. As your Master. As your Good Shepherd.
In light of recent events, namely the quarantine due to the COVID-19 outbreak in February of 2020, I have been forced to solitary confinement with the exception of the Landlord in this idyllic oasis, in the center of woods, fields and wildlife. As I am very introverted, this experience as a whole hasn’t been a punishment to me. It has however forced me to a creeping pace. Whereas usually I am running 7 days a week between working and being an active member at my church, I am usually a happy, buzzing bee. Seldom do I come to a complete halt, forced to encounter emotions and memories of the past which flow right beneath the surface, but have for so many years been more or less successfully suppressed by constant busyness. If not busyness than the mind numbing and suppression of my own, real emotions in favor of fiction - books but lately much more like Netflix and prime memberships. Swapping out my unsatisfactory feelings for the fake ones of a character, with no effort at all.
I can suddenly feel how these shows, this streaming is damaging to my personality, my inner well-being and wholeness. I am floating on the surface of superficial emotion and often irrelevant information, sometimes so contorted and stretched, that it cannot resemble the reality of events in the slightest. All in all creating this vacuum of discontent, with my daily chores, with the simplicity of existence. When the quiet beauty, the quiet truth and being in the moment is so restorative. A walk without the constant noise of music hammering out my own consciousness is therapeutic. To listen to the ancient songs of birds serenading the spring, the melody created by the wind as a violinist creates a song with a bow, as it’s drawn across the stings of her instrument, as it strokes across the treetops and the rustling as it combs it’s elegant, invisible fingers through the dead leaves littering the forest ground. It’s a concerto of the finest, a requiem of the death of winter and rejuvenation as new life now dares to stir and gently open its eyes to the world after a long, quiet slumber.
It is the great lie of the modern age. We have exchanged busyness for wholeness. Satan's great plan, to keep us ever reaching and stretching and discontent with where we are. I often overhear people of my generation - and even my parents' generation explain how they are uncomfortable with silence. They grew up with the constant babbling of the TV in the background. How often did my stepfather tell me “The TV was my babysitter.” The emotional bond he had to the TV was something I did not associate with at all. At the time there would be 3 different TV’s blaring on different stations at all times of the day or night. And in order to drown out all that noise, I would turn up my podcast, my music or my own show.
You cannot possibly think, or truly feel anything in such an environment. And now I am suddenly not surprised why I am still struggling to release the pain I have suppressed and numbed since childhood. I am nearly 33 and still dragging it behind me, like a ball and chain fastened to my ankle. Ever rattling, disturbing and crippling, yet unnoticed because of the constant buzzing, babbling, blaring of white noise. This dead weight which keeps a soul from soaring and thriving. In an age where we have more time to be free of duty and to indulge in pleasure, we know less of our own souls than ever before. Our appetite is growing and insatiable because we rarely seek out the One who has the means to satisfy our soul. We are like a person dying of thirst next to a fresh spring. All we have to do is to dip our cup into the cool water and deeply drink in drags, sucking the life giving substance deep into our body.
Jesus once made a bold, unconventional choice as it became clear that for now, he should leave Judea and head back to Galilee. He went straight through “unclean” territory, namely Samaria. Why did he do this? The Jews would prefer to engage in a journey that was about fifty miles further, an additional probably 20 hours of travelling by foot, rather than to risk becoming soiled. Not so Jesus, he went through the center, taking this shortcut, to the amazement of his disciples - who were most likely exchanging looks and raised eyebrows. Did the teacher not know what kind of place this was?
Yet Jesus had an appointment, an important appointment with an important person. See in the grand scheme of the world, this person perhaps wasn’t noteworthy. She could easily have been overlooked and forgotten. But in the eyes of her heavenly Father, she was indeed most precious.
Of course I am talking about the Samaritan woman at the well. And since it is my favorite of all of the stories in the bible, and I know it quite by heart, I will tell it how I imagine it happened - I am coloring in spaces that were not mentioned, imagining how things could have went in a life like fashion, taking into account what I have experienced, what I have understood of pain and disappointment and trying to stand in Salome's shoes, trying to grasp what she might have felt. And I am not claiming I have it right - I am just offering this perspective to you to ponder. (Yes we do believe this woman's name was Salome and that she later went on to become a Martyr - quite a heart breaking story. She was allowed to convert many in the house hold of Nero - if not Nero himself, but lost everyone she loved in the process. It is said that even Nero's daughter became a believer because of her!)
Jesus sends off his disciples to fetch him food in Sychar, while he takes a seat on the well. No sooner have the boisterous voices of his disciples faded in the distance, as the low panting of a struggling person in the midday sun reaches his ears. This person, Jesus knows, is panting for so much more than air or a cool drink from Jacobs well. She longs for an intimate relationship with God, to know that she is loved and forgiven and that she can be restored. The religious regulations of that day all but made this impossible for her- a woman of impurity. If she cannot worship on Mount Gerizim where Moses received the ten commandments, and if she is not welcome in Jerusalem in the holy temple, then where will she receive this forgiveness she so desperately longs for?
Jesus engages her in conversation and they have a banter. This woman is intelligent, she is in pain, and she thinks the worst of men. She believes of them what the world has taught her. That they only use her and discard her. She knows only that she is not cherished, not beloved and not protected. People remind her over and over that she is unclean, a promiscuous woman, a woman living in adultery. Little does she know the person she is encountering, who asked her for a drink, will reveal himself to her as the living water. The never ending spring of life giving water, which will spring forth from her heart if she can let go of the pain of her past and place trust in God, place hope in Him.
“There is a time coming, it is indeed here now, when you will worship the Father neither on this Mountain nor in Jerusalem. Yet a time is coming and has now come, when the true worshipers will worship the Father in the Spirit and in truth, for these are the kind of worshipers the Father seeks.”
She is stooped over - this man has told her “All she ever did” during their banter and yet she did not feel condemnation coming from him. And now he spoke out loud her deepest longings. And she picks up her water jugs to head back into the village, filled with sneering and judging neighbors and she speaks it out loud “I know, when the Messiah comes, He will explain everything to us.” And she is wanting to leave this strange man behind her.
But that is when he speaks those words - For the first time he openly reveals who He truly is “I AM HE.”
The awe and shock she must have felt. “Why do you think I came to this well at noon? I came to find you.” this is not in the text but I can feel Jesus saying it to her. “I KNEW YOU BEFORE YOU WERE FORMED IN YOUR MOTHER’S WOMB. I know what you have suffered under the religious burden and weight of shame, that was placed on you by men who used you. But here I am - I came for my one precious sheep, to bring you respite, to restore you, to bring you hope and a future, to give back your dignity, to see you smile and your back straighten, as I will lift all your burdens from your shoulders. The weight of sin and shame, have no hold on you, when you place your trust in Me.” I like to imagine how she laughs when she realizes whom she just encountered - who just encountered her! As the disciples return a giggle bursts from her lips and she from habit places her hand over her mouth to stifle the noise. Her eyes are positively alight with glowing hope. Can it be true? She turns to run down the hill, passing the disciples on her way she said in a stunned voice as she passes them "This man has told me everything I ever did! Can this be the long awaited Messiah?" She giggles again and sometimes running, sometimes skipping makes her way back into Sychar.
The disciples look after her and then turn to Jesus with huge grins on their faces. "Is it time then? Are we going to tell everyone who You are, Lord?" The time of Jesus to step out openly and to tell who he is began at Jacobs well.
Yet Jesus had an appointment, an important appointment with an important person. See in the grand scheme of the world, this person perhaps wasn’t noteworthy. She could easily have been overlooked and forgotten. But in the eyes of her heavenly Father, she was indeed most precious.
Of course I am talking about the Samaritan woman at the well. And since it is my favorite of all of the stories in the bible, and I know it quite by heart, I will tell it how I imagine it happened - I am coloring in spaces that were not mentioned, imagining how things could have went in a life like fashion, taking into account what I have experienced, what I have understood of pain and disappointment and trying to stand in Salome's shoes, trying to grasp what she might have felt. And I am not claiming I have it right - I am just offering this perspective to you to ponder. (Yes we do believe this woman's name was Salome and that she later went on to become a Martyr - quite a heart breaking story. She was allowed to convert many in the house hold of Nero - if not Nero himself, but lost everyone she loved in the process. It is said that even Nero's daughter became a believer because of her!)
Jesus sends off his disciples to fetch him food in Sychar, while he takes a seat on the well. No sooner have the boisterous voices of his disciples faded in the distance, as the low panting of a struggling person in the midday sun reaches his ears. This person, Jesus knows, is panting for so much more than air or a cool drink from Jacobs well. She longs for an intimate relationship with God, to know that she is loved and forgiven and that she can be restored. The religious regulations of that day all but made this impossible for her- a woman of impurity. If she cannot worship on Mount Gerizim where Moses received the ten commandments, and if she is not welcome in Jerusalem in the holy temple, then where will she receive this forgiveness she so desperately longs for?
Jesus engages her in conversation and they have a banter. This woman is intelligent, she is in pain, and she thinks the worst of men. She believes of them what the world has taught her. That they only use her and discard her. She knows only that she is not cherished, not beloved and not protected. People remind her over and over that she is unclean, a promiscuous woman, a woman living in adultery. Little does she know the person she is encountering, who asked her for a drink, will reveal himself to her as the living water. The never ending spring of life giving water, which will spring forth from her heart if she can let go of the pain of her past and place trust in God, place hope in Him.
“There is a time coming, it is indeed here now, when you will worship the Father neither on this Mountain nor in Jerusalem. Yet a time is coming and has now come, when the true worshipers will worship the Father in the Spirit and in truth, for these are the kind of worshipers the Father seeks.”
She is stooped over - this man has told her “All she ever did” during their banter and yet she did not feel condemnation coming from him. And now he spoke out loud her deepest longings. And she picks up her water jugs to head back into the village, filled with sneering and judging neighbors and she speaks it out loud “I know, when the Messiah comes, He will explain everything to us.” And she is wanting to leave this strange man behind her.
But that is when he speaks those words - For the first time he openly reveals who He truly is “I AM HE.”
The awe and shock she must have felt. “Why do you think I came to this well at noon? I came to find you.” this is not in the text but I can feel Jesus saying it to her. “I KNEW YOU BEFORE YOU WERE FORMED IN YOUR MOTHER’S WOMB. I know what you have suffered under the religious burden and weight of shame, that was placed on you by men who used you. But here I am - I came for my one precious sheep, to bring you respite, to restore you, to bring you hope and a future, to give back your dignity, to see you smile and your back straighten, as I will lift all your burdens from your shoulders. The weight of sin and shame, have no hold on you, when you place your trust in Me.” I like to imagine how she laughs when she realizes whom she just encountered - who just encountered her! As the disciples return a giggle bursts from her lips and she from habit places her hand over her mouth to stifle the noise. Her eyes are positively alight with glowing hope. Can it be true? She turns to run down the hill, passing the disciples on her way she said in a stunned voice as she passes them "This man has told me everything I ever did! Can this be the long awaited Messiah?" She giggles again and sometimes running, sometimes skipping makes her way back into Sychar.
The disciples look after her and then turn to Jesus with huge grins on their faces. "Is it time then? Are we going to tell everyone who You are, Lord?" The time of Jesus to step out openly and to tell who he is began at Jacobs well.
