(continuing on from part I)
"The Word of the Lord came: 'Get up! Go and preach because wickedness has confronted Me.' However, Jonah got up to flee, He went and found a ship. He paid the fare and went," (Jonah 1: 1-3).
When marriage became a hindrance to serving the Lord with a fully-committed heart, it was removed from me. I attempted in my own power and limited understanding to see this for what it was - God's Hand at work (in not only my life, but hers as well). However, having been taught at a very young age that all marriage was intended to be indicative of God's Relationship with His People, I concluded that my marriage must be salvaged at any cost.
I pleaded two years for the Lord to change His Mind. Yet He was unmoved. Just what was it that He wanted? Was I not asking for the right thing? Is not reconciliation blessed by Him? I now see that it was not meant to be.
I said to God and myself, 'Lord, I hear what Your Spirit is telling me. I understand very well. However, at this point in my life I am very tired and I want my wife back.' So off I went. Running half way across the country after what the Holy Spirit of God had "freed" me from.
I sought to justify my actions through Scripture:
(Hosea 2-3)
I viewed God's Relationship with Israel as the model for my marriage and family life; for it appeared through evidence and circumstance that the love that I had for my wife was being stomped into the mud. In every way, I attempted to mirror my love for her after God's Love for Israel - enduring, unconditional, and not one to fade away. The Love of God bears all things with long-suffering mercy (I Corinthians 13).
(Luke 15: 1-7)
"What man who has 100 sheep and loses one does not leave the 99 and go after the lost one until he finds it? When he has found it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders and coming home, calls his friends and neighbors together, saying, 'Rejoice with me, because I have found my lost sheep!' IN THE SAME WAY, there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over 99 righteous people who do not need repentance."
MY SIN:
*I fought the Conviction of the Holy Spirit;
*I made excuses and attempted to justify my actions; and,
*I prioritized a relationship over obedience to my Creator.
MY REFLECTION:
*The relationship has been restored, but not without consequence. I find myself living in the midst of a people whom I am finding great difficulty in loving the way that God has commanded. The prevailing "me first!" mentality has me wanting to run again. (NOTE: I am not even out of the "belly" of this great fish and I am already wanting to resort to my old habits.) So much so that I have altered my work schedule in order to minimize my contact with the outside world.
*I have successfully shared my faith with others in the past. It was not natural nor easy, but God blessed our efforts. Lately, when it comes to faith, it has primarily been about myself. How valid is my salvation and how strong is the Christian in me if I find myself losing holy concern for the lost or the babe-in-Christ? When I find that my faith has become more about myself, it is time to return to Christ with my head and eyes as low to the ground as possible. QUESTION: Is my pride too great for a humility this deep?
*As mentioned in my previous post, I have failed to have grace and compassion for others, yet expect it of God for myself. After all that I have been guilty of, I cannot truly open this life of mine up to the Grace, Love and Compassion of God until I am willing to love those who "offend" me.
I unfortunately do not recall where I heard this, but someone once said that being "called of God" is not about the one called. It is about the Kingdom of God, the glorification of His Name and the salvation of the lost.
(to be continued)
"The Word of the Lord came: 'Get up! Go and preach because wickedness has confronted Me.' However, Jonah got up to flee, He went and found a ship. He paid the fare and went," (Jonah 1: 1-3).
When marriage became a hindrance to serving the Lord with a fully-committed heart, it was removed from me. I attempted in my own power and limited understanding to see this for what it was - God's Hand at work (in not only my life, but hers as well). However, having been taught at a very young age that all marriage was intended to be indicative of God's Relationship with His People, I concluded that my marriage must be salvaged at any cost.
I pleaded two years for the Lord to change His Mind. Yet He was unmoved. Just what was it that He wanted? Was I not asking for the right thing? Is not reconciliation blessed by Him? I now see that it was not meant to be.
I said to God and myself, 'Lord, I hear what Your Spirit is telling me. I understand very well. However, at this point in my life I am very tired and I want my wife back.' So off I went. Running half way across the country after what the Holy Spirit of God had "freed" me from.
I sought to justify my actions through Scripture:
(Hosea 2-3)
I viewed God's Relationship with Israel as the model for my marriage and family life; for it appeared through evidence and circumstance that the love that I had for my wife was being stomped into the mud. In every way, I attempted to mirror my love for her after God's Love for Israel - enduring, unconditional, and not one to fade away. The Love of God bears all things with long-suffering mercy (I Corinthians 13).
(Luke 15: 1-7)
"What man who has 100 sheep and loses one does not leave the 99 and go after the lost one until he finds it? When he has found it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders and coming home, calls his friends and neighbors together, saying, 'Rejoice with me, because I have found my lost sheep!' IN THE SAME WAY, there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over 99 righteous people who do not need repentance."
MY SIN:
*I fought the Conviction of the Holy Spirit;
*I made excuses and attempted to justify my actions; and,
*I prioritized a relationship over obedience to my Creator.
MY REFLECTION:
*The relationship has been restored, but not without consequence. I find myself living in the midst of a people whom I am finding great difficulty in loving the way that God has commanded. The prevailing "me first!" mentality has me wanting to run again. (NOTE: I am not even out of the "belly" of this great fish and I am already wanting to resort to my old habits.) So much so that I have altered my work schedule in order to minimize my contact with the outside world.
*I have successfully shared my faith with others in the past. It was not natural nor easy, but God blessed our efforts. Lately, when it comes to faith, it has primarily been about myself. How valid is my salvation and how strong is the Christian in me if I find myself losing holy concern for the lost or the babe-in-Christ? When I find that my faith has become more about myself, it is time to return to Christ with my head and eyes as low to the ground as possible. QUESTION: Is my pride too great for a humility this deep?
*As mentioned in my previous post, I have failed to have grace and compassion for others, yet expect it of God for myself. After all that I have been guilty of, I cannot truly open this life of mine up to the Grace, Love and Compassion of God until I am willing to love those who "offend" me.
I unfortunately do not recall where I heard this, but someone once said that being "called of God" is not about the one called. It is about the Kingdom of God, the glorification of His Name and the salvation of the lost.
(to be continued)
