Resiliency, Where Did You Go?

I went from being able to take on confrontations with graceful ease; I went from being a very honest, straightforward, bold, and resilient person to almost completely losing my voice in the face of continual opposition... whittling away at me, whittling away at me. Sometimes the right thing to do is to speak, even if it's the hard thing to do. I'm not willing to lose that part of myself. I'm a very passionate person with passion for life and for doing the right thing, even when it's hard to do. I've always had strong convictions to stand up for the right thing even if it means to go against the crowd; this struggle I've been through WILL NOT permanently defeat me. I won't give up that part of myself.

I've always been the sensitive type as well which used to make me someone with deep empathy and compassion for others; it still does, but now it's to the point that it's crippling and could possibly put me in compromising situations if I'm not careful. (I know that I'm more prone to being taken advantage of because of my upbringing and this is something I'm really working on now.) I became ultra sensitive after everything at work and now I'm trying to regain the strength I lost. I don't want to go into the details on here, but there is one thing that really knocks me off my feet when people bring it up and it always seems to take me down. I hate that it does, but it somehow always gets to me. It has to do with my job, of course, and people not understanding what I actually went through... judging me for something that has been a tremendous struggle for me as I kept doing the right thing regardless of the pain of it. The pain of what is brought up keeps me so weak... and it's the thing that has kept me from moving forward and has kept me stuck in this job. It discourages me every time.

I can't keep doing this. I have to make myself get out there and get out of this situation. As Beth Moore says... The next time someone says or does something to you that has the capacity to dent your security, instantly think one of these thoughts towards that person, "You can hurt my feelings, but you cannot have my security. I won't let you. It's mine to keep, you cannot have it." Or... "You may be so intimidating and threatening that I feel I have to hand a lot of things to you, but I refuse to hand over my security. Who you are doesn't get to dwarf who I am. My security is mine to keep. You cannot have it."

It's weird how easily and naturally thinking thoughts like that used to come to me. I won't rest until I'm back up on my feet.

Please God help me get back up. Thank You for all of the healing and growth You've done in me so far.
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