The following is an example of a conversation about ice cream. Brenton is taking the kids to the store to pick out ice cream. I'm staying home and working. Here is our conversation over ice cream:
Brenton: "Tina, what kind of ice cream do you want?"
Me: "Whatever you can find that I like."
Brenton: "Okay."
Brenton goes to the store and comes back with cookies and cream. He hands me the ice cream and leaves the room. Of course, cookies and cream is not my favorite ice cream, but he doesn't know. He assumes since he likes cookie and creams that I like it, too. Now, I am upset, because I don't have any ice cream that I like.
Let's try this again, but this time I will clearly state what I want:
Brenton: "Tina, what kind of ice cream do you want?"
Me: "Well, I really like strawberry cheesecake, but, if they don't have it, then I will take chocolate. Please, remember to bring some whip cream, nuts, and cherries."
Brenton: "Okay."
Now, Brenton not only know what type of ice cream I want, but I've given him a back up and the extras I want. There will be no confusion in this conversation, and Brenton was not upset at me for giving him specifics. Actually, Brenton prefers it when I tell him exactly what I want. This way he doesn't have to guess.
Finally, we need to never assume anything. Many people read into what others say or do, and they don't ask questions for clarification. Although they may say one thing, they may think something totally different. When my daughter, Snow, tells me she wants something, I always ask for details. If she says she wants to go out on Friday night, I ask her where, when, why, who, and how.
Now, Snow is only twelve, so I know that she has to have a chaperone to take her anywhere. She is someone who likes to go out and have fun. Many times, when she asks if she can go out, she really doesn't care who goes with her. This means, as a family, we can go have Friday fun night. Of course, there are times when she wants a specific friend to go out with and no brothers. Then Brenton and I get to decide who takes Snow or who watches the boys.
If I did not ask Snow for more details, I would assume she wanted family night out. This would greatly disappoint Snow and she would not have as much fun. Snow usually lets us know exactly what she wants, but there are times when I need to ask questions for clarification.
In business, this is just as important. An employer may give an assignment to an employee, but they never give detail on how to do it or get it done. The employer may assume the employee already knows how to do the job. This could be true, but, sometimes, employees don't know how to do a job and are too scared to ask questions. Asking questions is vital to all jobs. People lose their jobs on a regular basis, because they did not ask questions.
"Am I not destroying my enemies when I make friends of them?"
Abraham Lincoln
Every friend has times when they need extra encouragement, but we should encourage in good times and bad times. For some people, encouragement is very natural. Others struggle to give a word of encouragement. These people need to understand that we don't always have to speak the encouragement. There are times when a hug or pat on the back is all someone needs.
If I've had a hard day, Brenton always walks into the house, puts his stuff down, and gives me a hug. This helps lift my spirits, but, more than anything, it builds the trust between Brenton and me. Our relationship is strong, because we know that we can count on each other.
A card can be an encouragement to someone special. The card can express love, sympathy, friendship, or celebration. It is even more special when we create the card ourselves. If we are artistic, we can draw and create a poem that lifts someone else's spirit. Even if we aren't artistic, we can buy a pretty card with a special message on the inside.
Just listening to a friend is a great way to encourage. The active listening we talked about above is a great way to help encourage a friend. Comforting them and allowing them to talk about their feelings creates a special bond between us and our friends.
"It is every man's obligation to put back into the world at least the equivalent of what he takes out of it.
The value of a man resides in what he gives and not what he is capable of receiving."
Albert Einstein
Investing in relationships is important to developing our relationships, but is even more important to invest in maintaining relationships. When we invest our time and effort into our important relationships they are stronger and healthier. Relationships that aren't healthy can cause stress and frustration in our lives. People need relationships, but the wrong kind of relationships can be destructive.
The most important investment in relationships is our time. If we don't spend time with the people we care about, we lose touch and drift apart. This can mean friends and relatives. Husbands and wives are more likely to get a divorce, because they stop investing time with each other. Parents experience distant relationships with their children, because they do not spend time getting to know them as they grow older.
Next, it is important to invest effort into a relationship. When we do things for others, we grow closer to those people. If someone needs help, then it is important to help them when we can. For example, if a friend calls and they have to take their youngest child to the hospital, we need to willingly take care of her oldest child.
Of course, there are those who take advantage of us, so we need to also learn to establish boundaries. It is vital that we become close to those who respect our boundaries, and we need to put a limit on those who do not respect our boundaries. We may need to say no to friends who are constantly calling us with emergencies. Some people are unable to take responsibility for themselves, so they want others to pick up their slack.
"But love your enemies and be kind and do good [doing favors so that someone derives benefit from them] and lend, expecting and hoping for nothing in return but considering nothing as lost and despairing of no one; and then your recompense (your reward) will be great (rich, strong, reward will be great (rich, strong, intense, and abundant), and you will be sons of the Most High, for He is kind and charitable and good to the ungrateful and the selfish and wicked.
So be merciful (sympathetic, tender, responsive, and compassionate) even as your Father is [all these].
Luke 6:35, 36
There are times where we have to deal with relationships that are with people we don't necessarily like. This is a situation that can be hard to deal with, but It is not impossible. It is important to find the good in everyone and treat them with respect. If we respect them, then they could turn into our friend. They may not be close friends, but anything is better than dealing with an enemy.
Our challenge this week is to build and maintain healthy relationships. If we use these relationship ingredients, we can become fulfilled in our relationships. We are relational people, so it is necessary for us to work on learning about relationships. Most of us aren't born understanding how to relate to others, but, as we grow and mature, we learn how relationships work.
"You are My friends if you keep on doing the things which I command you to do."
John 15:14
Brenton: "Tina, what kind of ice cream do you want?"
Me: "Whatever you can find that I like."
Brenton: "Okay."
Brenton goes to the store and comes back with cookies and cream. He hands me the ice cream and leaves the room. Of course, cookies and cream is not my favorite ice cream, but he doesn't know. He assumes since he likes cookie and creams that I like it, too. Now, I am upset, because I don't have any ice cream that I like.
Let's try this again, but this time I will clearly state what I want:
Brenton: "Tina, what kind of ice cream do you want?"
Me: "Well, I really like strawberry cheesecake, but, if they don't have it, then I will take chocolate. Please, remember to bring some whip cream, nuts, and cherries."
Brenton: "Okay."
Now, Brenton not only know what type of ice cream I want, but I've given him a back up and the extras I want. There will be no confusion in this conversation, and Brenton was not upset at me for giving him specifics. Actually, Brenton prefers it when I tell him exactly what I want. This way he doesn't have to guess.
Finally, we need to never assume anything. Many people read into what others say or do, and they don't ask questions for clarification. Although they may say one thing, they may think something totally different. When my daughter, Snow, tells me she wants something, I always ask for details. If she says she wants to go out on Friday night, I ask her where, when, why, who, and how.
Now, Snow is only twelve, so I know that she has to have a chaperone to take her anywhere. She is someone who likes to go out and have fun. Many times, when she asks if she can go out, she really doesn't care who goes with her. This means, as a family, we can go have Friday fun night. Of course, there are times when she wants a specific friend to go out with and no brothers. Then Brenton and I get to decide who takes Snow or who watches the boys.
If I did not ask Snow for more details, I would assume she wanted family night out. This would greatly disappoint Snow and she would not have as much fun. Snow usually lets us know exactly what she wants, but there are times when I need to ask questions for clarification.
In business, this is just as important. An employer may give an assignment to an employee, but they never give detail on how to do it or get it done. The employer may assume the employee already knows how to do the job. This could be true, but, sometimes, employees don't know how to do a job and are too scared to ask questions. Asking questions is vital to all jobs. People lose their jobs on a regular basis, because they did not ask questions.
"Am I not destroying my enemies when I make friends of them?"
Abraham Lincoln
Every friend has times when they need extra encouragement, but we should encourage in good times and bad times. For some people, encouragement is very natural. Others struggle to give a word of encouragement. These people need to understand that we don't always have to speak the encouragement. There are times when a hug or pat on the back is all someone needs.
If I've had a hard day, Brenton always walks into the house, puts his stuff down, and gives me a hug. This helps lift my spirits, but, more than anything, it builds the trust between Brenton and me. Our relationship is strong, because we know that we can count on each other.
A card can be an encouragement to someone special. The card can express love, sympathy, friendship, or celebration. It is even more special when we create the card ourselves. If we are artistic, we can draw and create a poem that lifts someone else's spirit. Even if we aren't artistic, we can buy a pretty card with a special message on the inside.
Just listening to a friend is a great way to encourage. The active listening we talked about above is a great way to help encourage a friend. Comforting them and allowing them to talk about their feelings creates a special bond between us and our friends.
"It is every man's obligation to put back into the world at least the equivalent of what he takes out of it.
The value of a man resides in what he gives and not what he is capable of receiving."
Albert Einstein
Investing in relationships is important to developing our relationships, but is even more important to invest in maintaining relationships. When we invest our time and effort into our important relationships they are stronger and healthier. Relationships that aren't healthy can cause stress and frustration in our lives. People need relationships, but the wrong kind of relationships can be destructive.
The most important investment in relationships is our time. If we don't spend time with the people we care about, we lose touch and drift apart. This can mean friends and relatives. Husbands and wives are more likely to get a divorce, because they stop investing time with each other. Parents experience distant relationships with their children, because they do not spend time getting to know them as they grow older.
Next, it is important to invest effort into a relationship. When we do things for others, we grow closer to those people. If someone needs help, then it is important to help them when we can. For example, if a friend calls and they have to take their youngest child to the hospital, we need to willingly take care of her oldest child.
Of course, there are those who take advantage of us, so we need to also learn to establish boundaries. It is vital that we become close to those who respect our boundaries, and we need to put a limit on those who do not respect our boundaries. We may need to say no to friends who are constantly calling us with emergencies. Some people are unable to take responsibility for themselves, so they want others to pick up their slack.
"But love your enemies and be kind and do good [doing favors so that someone derives benefit from them] and lend, expecting and hoping for nothing in return but considering nothing as lost and despairing of no one; and then your recompense (your reward) will be great (rich, strong, reward will be great (rich, strong, intense, and abundant), and you will be sons of the Most High, for He is kind and charitable and good to the ungrateful and the selfish and wicked.
So be merciful (sympathetic, tender, responsive, and compassionate) even as your Father is [all these].
Luke 6:35, 36
There are times where we have to deal with relationships that are with people we don't necessarily like. This is a situation that can be hard to deal with, but It is not impossible. It is important to find the good in everyone and treat them with respect. If we respect them, then they could turn into our friend. They may not be close friends, but anything is better than dealing with an enemy.
Our challenge this week is to build and maintain healthy relationships. If we use these relationship ingredients, we can become fulfilled in our relationships. We are relational people, so it is necessary for us to work on learning about relationships. Most of us aren't born understanding how to relate to others, but, as we grow and mature, we learn how relationships work.
"You are My friends if you keep on doing the things which I command you to do."
John 15:14
