Alone, but not lonely. Alone in the middle of a crowd. I've heard both of the phrases and semantically, I know what they mean, but I don't think I'd ever truly meditated on what they meant. Now, I think about them all the time. For the past week, I've been thinking about how lonely I feel. In September, I moved out of my mom's and started my bold new adventure as an indpendent adult at teh grand old age of 22. I have a job, a nice car, my own place; I'm completely independent. I wake up in the mornings. I live alone. I get dressed in silence, usually. Sometimes I turn on the TV. But usually not because I get drawn into the shows and I'm usually running late. I drive to my job alone, so I have 15 minutes to commute. I get to my job and get settled and start at 9 am sharp every day. I'm a teacher so I'm surrounded by kids; 165 a day to be exact. But they're just that: kids. Not people that I can socially interact with. Surrounded by people but isolated due to my status. I get off of work at 4:25. I drive home, alone, with the radio on. I get home to my empty apartment. I eat dinner. alone. Then I settle in for a night of grading papers and watching TV. Around 11 or 12, I fall asleep, usually with the TV on. At 7:00 am, I wake up to do it all over again.
This summer I'm thinking about joining some continuing education classes like swimming or something, just so that I'm not alone in my house all the time. My lease is up in May. Maybe I'll move to an apartment that allows pet. I could get a dog. At least then somebody would be there to see me off in the mornings and excited to see me when I get back in the evenings.
The weird thing is that I live in one of the busiest, trendiest, "young professional" areas of the city. I'm about a mile from the big university and a few blocks from the club scene but neither of those appeal to me. I haven't always felt this alone. I used to LOVE being alone. But that was when I lived in a house full of people. Music makes me feel better so I listen to a lot of it on loop. But I have to figure something else out. The way I feel...This isn't healthy.
This summer I'm thinking about joining some continuing education classes like swimming or something, just so that I'm not alone in my house all the time. My lease is up in May. Maybe I'll move to an apartment that allows pet. I could get a dog. At least then somebody would be there to see me off in the mornings and excited to see me when I get back in the evenings.
The weird thing is that I live in one of the busiest, trendiest, "young professional" areas of the city. I'm about a mile from the big university and a few blocks from the club scene but neither of those appeal to me. I haven't always felt this alone. I used to LOVE being alone. But that was when I lived in a house full of people. Music makes me feel better so I listen to a lot of it on loop. But I have to figure something else out. The way I feel...This isn't healthy.
