This getting irritating: more compulsing. My fears are extremely strong. I don't even know what I am afraid of. This just comes randomly and for no reason.
Sometimes, actually most of the times, it's the activity outside. I hear them. They are enjoying each other's company. And I am left out of the loop. Yes, I said did not like them, which is true. But I want them to like me and give me the attention that I don't really need or want; only so I can reject them and then feel good about myself.
This is the very definition of narcissism. I want people, who I do not like, to like me. When will God heal me of this stronghold of narcissism?
I don't want to have the desire to be liked. But I also don't want to love my neighbors either. Narcissism is irrational. It makes no sense. I treat people like crap, and then blame them for disliking me.
To myself:
Grow up, cedric, you're an idiot!!
You did this to yourself. You treat people like dirt, and then you have a pity party because they dislike you for not treating them with respect. You're a moron!!! What would you expect? People come knocking at your door and say, "hey, you want to hang out?" Of course not. Nobody is going to want to hang out with you!!! Get that through your pathetic head.
I am done venting.
But I need someone to knock some sense into me.
Sometimes, actually most of the times, it's the activity outside. I hear them. They are enjoying each other's company. And I am left out of the loop. Yes, I said did not like them, which is true. But I want them to like me and give me the attention that I don't really need or want; only so I can reject them and then feel good about myself.
This is the very definition of narcissism. I want people, who I do not like, to like me. When will God heal me of this stronghold of narcissism?
I don't want to have the desire to be liked. But I also don't want to love my neighbors either. Narcissism is irrational. It makes no sense. I treat people like crap, and then blame them for disliking me.
To myself:
Grow up, cedric, you're an idiot!!
You did this to yourself. You treat people like dirt, and then you have a pity party because they dislike you for not treating them with respect. You're a moron!!! What would you expect? People come knocking at your door and say, "hey, you want to hang out?" Of course not. Nobody is going to want to hang out with you!!! Get that through your pathetic head.
I am done venting.
But I need someone to knock some sense into me.
