Psalm 1: 2 -3
Instead, the Law of the Lord
makes them happy,
and they think about it
day and night.
They are like trees
growing beside a stream,
trees that produce
fruit in season
and always have leaves.
Those people succeed
in everything they do.
My life feels like it is in constant transition. I am changing my plans everyday. I am currently unemployed (again) because I have yet to find that place where I can plant my roots. It is amazing to think that I have lived an extraordinary life and yet have never been satisfied. A tree “growing beside a stream” is not how I would describe myself.
I love how the Psalmist explains to get this I have to love the law of the Lord. God has to make me happy. Not in that selfish way that he needs to give me what I want. I need to be happy in Him for His sake. That following Him is my greatest joy. That every choice I make is based upon His will.
Now, I know that we live in the grace of Jesus Christ but that doesn’t mean that I forget the will of God (or his law) in how I live, work and interact with others. It just means that when I sin or simply can’t (usually it is don’t want to) live in His will I am forgiven. And the Holy Spirit is working within me to be help me be more willing and change my ways to enable me to live in according to the will of God. It is a slow (and uncomfortable at times) process.
That brings me to place where I find myself now. I have always wanted my life to be validated by others. From a young age, I always felt I needed someone to show me what I was gifted in. I remember being young and going to a choir tryout. It was a big deal and I managed to make it through the first 2 interviews. Then I was supposed to go back for a third interview. However, my parents didn’t take me for it because they couldn’t afford for me to be in that choir. I tried desperately and literally begged to go to the third interview. This wasn’t because I wanted to sing. I just wanted to know if I was “good enough”. Yes, I needed validation that I had talent. I needed someone to tell me I was good at something. And every time someone did, I did what they said I was good at. If someone said something negative, then I desperately tried to appease them. I built my life based upon what others thought of me. I needed affirmation that I was doing the right thing. I was crippled with insecurity and, in a sense, some days I feel I still am.
Lately I have done an online writing course. It was fabulous fun but, as I got to the end, I needed my validation again. I needed someone to tell me I was a good enough writer to keep going. I needed validation to even continue writing this blog! However, God has shown me how I was making my life about something other than Him. I wasn’t a tree by the stream because I was too busy listening to everyone else but Him about my life. So here I am writing without my validation and without checking my comments because I love to write. I love exploring God. I love God's word in my life. I love God’s law. I love Him and He makes me happy.
Instead, the Law of the Lord
makes them happy,
and they think about it
day and night.
They are like trees
growing beside a stream,
trees that produce
fruit in season
and always have leaves.
Those people succeed
in everything they do.
My life feels like it is in constant transition. I am changing my plans everyday. I am currently unemployed (again) because I have yet to find that place where I can plant my roots. It is amazing to think that I have lived an extraordinary life and yet have never been satisfied. A tree “growing beside a stream” is not how I would describe myself.
I love how the Psalmist explains to get this I have to love the law of the Lord. God has to make me happy. Not in that selfish way that he needs to give me what I want. I need to be happy in Him for His sake. That following Him is my greatest joy. That every choice I make is based upon His will.
Now, I know that we live in the grace of Jesus Christ but that doesn’t mean that I forget the will of God (or his law) in how I live, work and interact with others. It just means that when I sin or simply can’t (usually it is don’t want to) live in His will I am forgiven. And the Holy Spirit is working within me to be help me be more willing and change my ways to enable me to live in according to the will of God. It is a slow (and uncomfortable at times) process.
That brings me to place where I find myself now. I have always wanted my life to be validated by others. From a young age, I always felt I needed someone to show me what I was gifted in. I remember being young and going to a choir tryout. It was a big deal and I managed to make it through the first 2 interviews. Then I was supposed to go back for a third interview. However, my parents didn’t take me for it because they couldn’t afford for me to be in that choir. I tried desperately and literally begged to go to the third interview. This wasn’t because I wanted to sing. I just wanted to know if I was “good enough”. Yes, I needed validation that I had talent. I needed someone to tell me I was good at something. And every time someone did, I did what they said I was good at. If someone said something negative, then I desperately tried to appease them. I built my life based upon what others thought of me. I needed affirmation that I was doing the right thing. I was crippled with insecurity and, in a sense, some days I feel I still am.
Lately I have done an online writing course. It was fabulous fun but, as I got to the end, I needed my validation again. I needed someone to tell me I was a good enough writer to keep going. I needed validation to even continue writing this blog! However, God has shown me how I was making my life about something other than Him. I wasn’t a tree by the stream because I was too busy listening to everyone else but Him about my life. So here I am writing without my validation and without checking my comments because I love to write. I love exploring God. I love God's word in my life. I love God’s law. I love Him and He makes me happy.
