Divorce
Divorce. Ugh.
Does God hate divorce?
Oh, Probably. Divorce either results from poor decision making (when choosing a spouse), lack of commitment (cheating, or frivolous divorce where the couple really didn't try to make the marriage work), abuse (Not cool under any circumstances), or some other kind or combination of negative circumstances.
God doesn't hate divorce because it's "evil" -- He hates it because it probably breaks His heart. So can you really blame him?
But, is divorce something that is wholly unforgivable? No. Not under any circumstances.
Divorce is Forgivable
First, there are good and decent reasons to divorce. Adultery is an obvious one. Abuse is another. These types of divorces are necessary to a person's safety and well being on numerous levels (physical, emotional, mental, even spiritual levels).
But, what happens if someone doesn't divorce for a "decent" reason? What if the divorce is frivolous? What if the marriage was entered into carelessly. What if the people are just incompatible?
Well, such is the nature of life. We all make mistakes, God is extremely understanding of this fact considering He created us. God knows your heart better than you do.
The fact is that God's been dealing with this one for a long time. People in Ancient times were entering into divorce for frivolous and/or unjust reasons left and right simply to be rid of their spouses for "really lame" reasons, to put it simply..
What's important to remember is that this is a very forgivable act! All sin is forgivable, and if a particular divorce or the events surrounding any divorce or marriage are in fact being considered "sinful", there is more than enough forgiveness from God to go around. Where a divorce was actually given "sinfully", it is still a forgivable act.
Divorce, Remarriage, Adultery
One of the more popular issues we run into when it comes to divorce, is when people grab hold of the over-preached verses regarding Jesus talking about divorce and remarriage.
Where some make their mistake is in not fully understanding what Jesus is talking about when He speaks regarding Adultery. He is simply showing the Jews that they sinned in these frivolous divorces they created for the purpose of taking a different wife. They wanted to put aside their current spouses at the drop of a hat, so that they would be able to take up a different spouse.
The Jews were under the utter delusion that they did NOT sin when they gave a bill of divorce, thus tossing aside their current wife for some thinly-veiled reasons (ambiguous "uncleanness" and the like) that they would find (or make up) to accuse her of to rid themselves of her, so they would be free to marry someone else.
So the reason it is termed as "adultery" is simple: If you divorce away from your spouse just to marry someone else, you might as well have run off and cheated on your spouse in the first place! Just because you gave them the writ of divorce does not make the situation much better in intention. The "sin," the mistake, the misguided nature of the issue... is still present. Just because you wrote up the "official document" does not take away the reason for what you have done.
Remember, Jesus is one among the Jews. He is a Jewish man attempting to make His own people aware of their own sin: What they were doing and had been doing all along. Jesus does not ramble on to himself like a crazy man with no direction -- His words are exact and directed at a very specific people and set of actions. In fact, in many situations Jesus' words are very, very specific. More specific than people allow for when interpreting them in the modern world and blanket-covering generic situations with words that are essentially out-of-place.
It is intensely important to understand the overall concept; the greater picture. The context of sin has to be understood as the primary focus of these writings, but many other aspects (such as our knowledge of God and God's nature) must be considered when grasping a view of the entire landscape of the issue.
For instance. We know that God commands us to honor our vows. Jesus tells us to let our yes be yes and our no be and do not swear anything at all. This isn't because taking vows is wrong or evil -- It's that He was speaking to corrupt people who were taking an oath, only to toss it aside as meaningless drivel down the road. They speak these words as empty words, rather than respecting the words as a commitment.
The greater picture. It's so important in everything.
The point of this section is simply to point out the nature of Jesus' words. People taking the terms too literally will always miss out on the greater meaning. Jesus was not forbidding divorce nor remarriage.
If that's not enough though, there are more points to consider:
The innocent party:
Consider the following:
Numbers 30 says to honor the vow we make. But it also makes an example of condition: A woman may have a husband or father who has the ability or authority to prevent her from keeping a vow she has made. In that case, the man himself will be held responsible for it, if he knew of her oaths and yet kept her from them.
God isn't dumb. He knows full well that a married man or woman may go into a marriage believing the best about his or her spouse, only to find out that this person may be nothing close to the individual he or she thought they were. Their spouse may never have really intended on behaving as someone under a vow/oath of marriage... or someone who then decided that a commitment to one person isn't really for them and so turn to something such as adultery.
Just as in Numbers 30 where the woman is not held accountable for the actions, marriage is a two party system whereby the innocent is not be held responsible for the actions of the guilty. That is the nature of a just God.
The guilty party
The person who commits the acts that cause the breakdown of the marriage, or the individual who initiates a divorce even in the case of a frivolous situation, is still under the grace of God's love! They still fall under the blood shed of Jesus Christ. They made a poor decision, a mistake, a really bad life choice... They sinned. Whatever you want to call it, God still understands us as a mortal, fallible species; but we are still His children.
We fall, we get up, we live, we learn. We ask for help, we say we're sorry.
It's all part of the greater picture of being a mortal, imperfect human race.
So, this means people in a bad marriage can leave, right?
YES! Of course.
If we are able, we should always do our very best to offer mercy, kindness, understanding, and love in trying to help our wayward spouse come to their senses; However, if and when it becomes obvious that they have no intent of restoring the marriage, or if "sticking it out" places you in any kind of danger or harm's way (mental, emotional, physical, spiritual), this is no longer an "I am able" situation.
When your good, reasonable, feasible, healthy options are exhausted -- it then because the time when there is simply no other good and reasonable choice left but to put this individual aside.
Final Thoughts
I've said it before, and I'll say it again: Your relationship with God is unique. Only you and God truly know your own hearts, and God knows you better than you know yourself.
Everyone's situation is different, and no one can judge you for what goes on in your life. There are so many individual nuances that can change from one situation to the next, even if these situations "appear" identical on the surface. Even the most similar of situations are completely different, as different as your finger prints from the person next to you
No one can tell you what is right for your life, and God is on your side through it all -- He is out to prop you up, to help you and love you; not throw you down and condemn you.
Divorce. Ugh.
Does God hate divorce?
Oh, Probably. Divorce either results from poor decision making (when choosing a spouse), lack of commitment (cheating, or frivolous divorce where the couple really didn't try to make the marriage work), abuse (Not cool under any circumstances), or some other kind or combination of negative circumstances.
God doesn't hate divorce because it's "evil" -- He hates it because it probably breaks His heart. So can you really blame him?
But, is divorce something that is wholly unforgivable? No. Not under any circumstances.
Divorce is Forgivable
First, there are good and decent reasons to divorce. Adultery is an obvious one. Abuse is another. These types of divorces are necessary to a person's safety and well being on numerous levels (physical, emotional, mental, even spiritual levels).
But, what happens if someone doesn't divorce for a "decent" reason? What if the divorce is frivolous? What if the marriage was entered into carelessly. What if the people are just incompatible?
Well, such is the nature of life. We all make mistakes, God is extremely understanding of this fact considering He created us. God knows your heart better than you do.
The fact is that God's been dealing with this one for a long time. People in Ancient times were entering into divorce for frivolous and/or unjust reasons left and right simply to be rid of their spouses for "really lame" reasons, to put it simply..
What's important to remember is that this is a very forgivable act! All sin is forgivable, and if a particular divorce or the events surrounding any divorce or marriage are in fact being considered "sinful", there is more than enough forgiveness from God to go around. Where a divorce was actually given "sinfully", it is still a forgivable act.
Divorce, Remarriage, Adultery
One of the more popular issues we run into when it comes to divorce, is when people grab hold of the over-preached verses regarding Jesus talking about divorce and remarriage.
Mat 19 : 9
Jesus replied, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery."
Jesus replied, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery."
Where some make their mistake is in not fully understanding what Jesus is talking about when He speaks regarding Adultery. He is simply showing the Jews that they sinned in these frivolous divorces they created for the purpose of taking a different wife. They wanted to put aside their current spouses at the drop of a hat, so that they would be able to take up a different spouse.
The Jews were under the utter delusion that they did NOT sin when they gave a bill of divorce, thus tossing aside their current wife for some thinly-veiled reasons (ambiguous "uncleanness" and the like) that they would find (or make up) to accuse her of to rid themselves of her, so they would be free to marry someone else.
So the reason it is termed as "adultery" is simple: If you divorce away from your spouse just to marry someone else, you might as well have run off and cheated on your spouse in the first place! Just because you gave them the writ of divorce does not make the situation much better in intention. The "sin," the mistake, the misguided nature of the issue... is still present. Just because you wrote up the "official document" does not take away the reason for what you have done.
Remember, Jesus is one among the Jews. He is a Jewish man attempting to make His own people aware of their own sin: What they were doing and had been doing all along. Jesus does not ramble on to himself like a crazy man with no direction -- His words are exact and directed at a very specific people and set of actions. In fact, in many situations Jesus' words are very, very specific. More specific than people allow for when interpreting them in the modern world and blanket-covering generic situations with words that are essentially out-of-place.
It is intensely important to understand the overall concept; the greater picture. The context of sin has to be understood as the primary focus of these writings, but many other aspects (such as our knowledge of God and God's nature) must be considered when grasping a view of the entire landscape of the issue.
For instance. We know that God commands us to honor our vows. Jesus tells us to let our yes be yes and our no be and do not swear anything at all. This isn't because taking vows is wrong or evil -- It's that He was speaking to corrupt people who were taking an oath, only to toss it aside as meaningless drivel down the road. They speak these words as empty words, rather than respecting the words as a commitment.
The greater picture. It's so important in everything.
The point of this section is simply to point out the nature of Jesus' words. People taking the terms too literally will always miss out on the greater meaning. Jesus was not forbidding divorce nor remarriage.
If that's not enough though, there are more points to consider:
The innocent party:
Consider the following:
Numbers 30 says to honor the vow we make. But it also makes an example of condition: A woman may have a husband or father who has the ability or authority to prevent her from keeping a vow she has made. In that case, the man himself will be held responsible for it, if he knew of her oaths and yet kept her from them.
God isn't dumb. He knows full well that a married man or woman may go into a marriage believing the best about his or her spouse, only to find out that this person may be nothing close to the individual he or she thought they were. Their spouse may never have really intended on behaving as someone under a vow/oath of marriage... or someone who then decided that a commitment to one person isn't really for them and so turn to something such as adultery.
Just as in Numbers 30 where the woman is not held accountable for the actions, marriage is a two party system whereby the innocent is not be held responsible for the actions of the guilty. That is the nature of a just God.
The guilty party
The person who commits the acts that cause the breakdown of the marriage, or the individual who initiates a divorce even in the case of a frivolous situation, is still under the grace of God's love! They still fall under the blood shed of Jesus Christ. They made a poor decision, a mistake, a really bad life choice... They sinned. Whatever you want to call it, God still understands us as a mortal, fallible species; but we are still His children.
We fall, we get up, we live, we learn. We ask for help, we say we're sorry.
It's all part of the greater picture of being a mortal, imperfect human race.
So, this means people in a bad marriage can leave, right?
YES! Of course.
If we are able, we should always do our very best to offer mercy, kindness, understanding, and love in trying to help our wayward spouse come to their senses; However, if and when it becomes obvious that they have no intent of restoring the marriage, or if "sticking it out" places you in any kind of danger or harm's way (mental, emotional, physical, spiritual), this is no longer an "I am able" situation.
When your good, reasonable, feasible, healthy options are exhausted -- it then because the time when there is simply no other good and reasonable choice left but to put this individual aside.
Final Thoughts
I've said it before, and I'll say it again: Your relationship with God is unique. Only you and God truly know your own hearts, and God knows you better than you know yourself.
Everyone's situation is different, and no one can judge you for what goes on in your life. There are so many individual nuances that can change from one situation to the next, even if these situations "appear" identical on the surface. Even the most similar of situations are completely different, as different as your finger prints from the person next to you
No one can tell you what is right for your life, and God is on your side through it all -- He is out to prop you up, to help you and love you; not throw you down and condemn you.
