My husband and I met online and were pen pals that fell in love after 9 months. When I finally met him in person, we were just as in love as online, but things happened rather fast. We got pregnant and married a month after we met in person and moved in together the weekend before our daughter was born.
After admitting he was "into porn" it kind of got me curious, but I didn't realize how bad it was until I started snooping around on my own.
When I would find it he would delete it after hours of fighting and "i'm sorry's" and then I would wake up the next morning to find him re-downloading.
He would always lie and say he wasn't looking at it but I would find email verifications to new memberships in his email all the time.
He was even looking at it on his laptop while having a conversation with my mom when she came to see our daughter for the first time and I caught him when i walked by him and happened to glance at the screen.
He would even tell me he was going to stay up late to watch movies but I would wake up in the middle of the night wondering why he hadn't come to bed yet and catch him watching porn.
He would tell me he was to tired to make love and I would wake up to him masterbating in bed.
Now he has been gone on business for a while and I wanted to get marriage counceling before he left but with life happening all around us we never found the time and now when I talk to him I can't seem to find a nice word to say. He says he hasn't looked at porn in months and he doesn't want it in his life any more because of the many times it has almost ruined his marriage but I don't trust him. My self esteem is shot because of this and I want to believe him because if he gets back and hasn't changed, I don't think I can stay. Am I wrong for wanting to feel wanted? And for wanting him to change and get help? I've bought so many books and he's gone to see a counselor since he's been gone,but, now it seems he could cough the wrong way and I am so annoyed or yelling at him. I almost feel like I can't stand him anymore because of the way he was and the way I believe he still is.
After admitting he was "into porn" it kind of got me curious, but I didn't realize how bad it was until I started snooping around on my own.
When I would find it he would delete it after hours of fighting and "i'm sorry's" and then I would wake up the next morning to find him re-downloading.
He would always lie and say he wasn't looking at it but I would find email verifications to new memberships in his email all the time.
He was even looking at it on his laptop while having a conversation with my mom when she came to see our daughter for the first time and I caught him when i walked by him and happened to glance at the screen.
He would even tell me he was going to stay up late to watch movies but I would wake up in the middle of the night wondering why he hadn't come to bed yet and catch him watching porn.
He would tell me he was to tired to make love and I would wake up to him masterbating in bed.
Now he has been gone on business for a while and I wanted to get marriage counceling before he left but with life happening all around us we never found the time and now when I talk to him I can't seem to find a nice word to say. He says he hasn't looked at porn in months and he doesn't want it in his life any more because of the many times it has almost ruined his marriage but I don't trust him. My self esteem is shot because of this and I want to believe him because if he gets back and hasn't changed, I don't think I can stay. Am I wrong for wanting to feel wanted? And for wanting him to change and get help? I've bought so many books and he's gone to see a counselor since he's been gone,but, now it seems he could cough the wrong way and I am so annoyed or yelling at him. I almost feel like I can't stand him anymore because of the way he was and the way I believe he still is.
