Who did God create me to be. Am I acting like God created me, or am I acting out, period!
Am I really being myself, or tempting others to accept me as someone else. Isn't it nice to think one can be like James Bond instead of the quit shy person they really are.
I am a quit shy person, terrified of loosing control. So I act out like I have it going on. I attract the wrong people; they expect more of me then I can give, as I was lying about who I am.
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Im attempting to get rid of the girl in the meetings from my life. I am not what she wants. I am not what she thinks I am ( she may have never thought about me, its all in my head). My thinking is telling me that she likes me, and is interested in me. She is not telling me these things, my thinking is telling me these things. Im attempting to back off from the impulse to think about her. It takes over my mind.. unfortunately, the impulses in my mind are what Im basing my interest of her; Im not sure she ever noticed me. I danced with her a few times at a dance. Everyone dances with someone a few times at a dance. Im noticing more is going on in my head then in the real world.
I pray allot on my knees and will continue to do so...
I want to be the awkward introverted person I really am and let go of having to be someone socially. I would rather concentrate on other stuff.
The original me felt safe at home and didn't need to be social. I was just myself.. that was a long time ago.
Im attempting to get that back; do creative stuff at home, and outside, just be an unassuming awkward person.
Im attempting to be myself. Ive never been able to be myself, I never felt safe enough. Now I am attempting to attracted the right people by being myself. Im afraid Im to weak a person to attract right. That I will be looked at as weak.. yet, being myself is not strong or weak. Ive not had the strength to just be. Ive had to pretend. I didn't believe that " just me" was good enough. If I am the original me, I will be alone.
Im lucky to be alive, considering the facts of this earth experience.
I was thrown away, betrayed and abandon. Those who did such things were so trusting at first. Later, they would be the slayers of the innocent. For there father is from down below, as mine is from above.
I never new they never wanted me!
I was never wanted. No one ever wanted a relationship with me. I still find it terrifying if someone does. I don't believe them. I believe they are out to hurt me and destroy me.
I make people look bad by being honest.
Im getting slowly better. Im still very mentally sick. The traumas ripped me apart and keep my mind in a state of amnesia.
Ive had to depend on a God created fantasy world to survive the loneliness of the real world.
I would like to be me, not my defenses. My defenses attract the wrong people. Some people think Im strong, and that attracts them. I am not strong, I have strong defenses. I cannot be defensive all day long. At some point I have to be myself. When Im myself, Im considered weak... And I am attacked or shunned. Or hated, or ridiculed.
I am a sensitive person. I have no idea where I can breath and be myself.
I feel like Im in a jungle of roaring tigers and loud war drums. Its hard to relax and believe Im safe.
I have GOd. Although Ive asked God, what has happened to your people. Where are they. God told me they are in heaven. THis world hated them and killed them all. Or, killed them one by one. Just as they have tried to kill me.
Its so sad. I never knew that the people of the light would be killed. I never knew this as a child. I had no idea they were hated like this. Or hated at this level. I never knew I would be hated as I have been hated. I have been murdered all day long. I did not know they wanted to destroy...
The world wants to exterminate the people of the light.
Those of the darkness want to kill. They want to be rid of the people of the light.
Am I really being myself, or tempting others to accept me as someone else. Isn't it nice to think one can be like James Bond instead of the quit shy person they really are.
I am a quit shy person, terrified of loosing control. So I act out like I have it going on. I attract the wrong people; they expect more of me then I can give, as I was lying about who I am.
---
Im attempting to get rid of the girl in the meetings from my life. I am not what she wants. I am not what she thinks I am ( she may have never thought about me, its all in my head). My thinking is telling me that she likes me, and is interested in me. She is not telling me these things, my thinking is telling me these things. Im attempting to back off from the impulse to think about her. It takes over my mind.. unfortunately, the impulses in my mind are what Im basing my interest of her; Im not sure she ever noticed me. I danced with her a few times at a dance. Everyone dances with someone a few times at a dance. Im noticing more is going on in my head then in the real world.
I pray allot on my knees and will continue to do so...
I want to be the awkward introverted person I really am and let go of having to be someone socially. I would rather concentrate on other stuff.
The original me felt safe at home and didn't need to be social. I was just myself.. that was a long time ago.
Im attempting to get that back; do creative stuff at home, and outside, just be an unassuming awkward person.
Im attempting to be myself. Ive never been able to be myself, I never felt safe enough. Now I am attempting to attracted the right people by being myself. Im afraid Im to weak a person to attract right. That I will be looked at as weak.. yet, being myself is not strong or weak. Ive not had the strength to just be. Ive had to pretend. I didn't believe that " just me" was good enough. If I am the original me, I will be alone.
Im lucky to be alive, considering the facts of this earth experience.
I was thrown away, betrayed and abandon. Those who did such things were so trusting at first. Later, they would be the slayers of the innocent. For there father is from down below, as mine is from above.
I never new they never wanted me!
I was never wanted. No one ever wanted a relationship with me. I still find it terrifying if someone does. I don't believe them. I believe they are out to hurt me and destroy me.
I make people look bad by being honest.
Im getting slowly better. Im still very mentally sick. The traumas ripped me apart and keep my mind in a state of amnesia.
Ive had to depend on a God created fantasy world to survive the loneliness of the real world.
I would like to be me, not my defenses. My defenses attract the wrong people. Some people think Im strong, and that attracts them. I am not strong, I have strong defenses. I cannot be defensive all day long. At some point I have to be myself. When Im myself, Im considered weak... And I am attacked or shunned. Or hated, or ridiculed.
I am a sensitive person. I have no idea where I can breath and be myself.
I feel like Im in a jungle of roaring tigers and loud war drums. Its hard to relax and believe Im safe.
I have GOd. Although Ive asked God, what has happened to your people. Where are they. God told me they are in heaven. THis world hated them and killed them all. Or, killed them one by one. Just as they have tried to kill me.
Its so sad. I never knew that the people of the light would be killed. I never knew this as a child. I had no idea they were hated like this. Or hated at this level. I never knew I would be hated as I have been hated. I have been murdered all day long. I did not know they wanted to destroy...
The world wants to exterminate the people of the light.
Those of the darkness want to kill. They want to be rid of the people of the light.
