I'm tired of feeling so alone in my pain. Yes, people try to be there for me, to try and understand, but in the end they all end up leaving me because they don't understand it. Even people who have promised that they would never leave my side.
I just don't know how to handle the pain sometimes. Have you ever read the book, "A Child Called It?" It's a horrific story of abuse and my story makes that one look like a fairy tale. But no one knows that. No one knows the depth of the pain and abuse I've endured in my life. It's too much that even those close to me cannot deal with the pain that comes out of me sometimes.
How can you understand it? Where you raped by a male cousin at 6? Were you beaten with fists by a drunk idiot your mom was seeing because you ate a poptart? Have you lived in a filthy shack in the middle of nowhere so disgusting you got used to the roaches and bugs crawling on you in the middle of the night?
That might even seem mild, but it's only scratching the surface. And right now, I'm not just venting...getting it all out. I just feel so alone because no one gets it. And admittedly, who wants to get it? Who wants to help another person bear so many burdens?
Like when my stepfather tried to kill me for no particular reason. He grabbed a hammer and came after me. Or the three times I faced being homeless and walked the streets of Houston. Or lost everything I owned and and had to drop out of college when my father was crushed to death in a work accident.
And there's so much more. Ugh! I'm tired of this. Tired of the pain. I want it to go away. I'm tired of it ruining my friendships. I just want a "normal" life, without panic attacks. Without fear. Without feeling so alone. I just don't know what to do anymore.
I just don't know how to handle the pain sometimes. Have you ever read the book, "A Child Called It?" It's a horrific story of abuse and my story makes that one look like a fairy tale. But no one knows that. No one knows the depth of the pain and abuse I've endured in my life. It's too much that even those close to me cannot deal with the pain that comes out of me sometimes.
How can you understand it? Where you raped by a male cousin at 6? Were you beaten with fists by a drunk idiot your mom was seeing because you ate a poptart? Have you lived in a filthy shack in the middle of nowhere so disgusting you got used to the roaches and bugs crawling on you in the middle of the night?
That might even seem mild, but it's only scratching the surface. And right now, I'm not just venting...getting it all out. I just feel so alone because no one gets it. And admittedly, who wants to get it? Who wants to help another person bear so many burdens?
Like when my stepfather tried to kill me for no particular reason. He grabbed a hammer and came after me. Or the three times I faced being homeless and walked the streets of Houston. Or lost everything I owned and and had to drop out of college when my father was crushed to death in a work accident.
And there's so much more. Ugh! I'm tired of this. Tired of the pain. I want it to go away. I'm tired of it ruining my friendships. I just want a "normal" life, without panic attacks. Without fear. Without feeling so alone. I just don't know what to do anymore.
