I have to remember the art! Im an artist, and the goal is; get socially along enough that I can relax and start the art stuff again.. mainly the music..
Ive done art work at every 12 step meeting, I create a picture at almost every meeting! However, this is beginning rural work ( Naive art); Im talking about real art levels; serious art! This means more commitment, and this is hard when social problems loom, or social development looms..
I was quit psychzophrenic when I was young! The social suicide death system I had to grow up in murdered me!
Now Im attempting to show up and gain feedback ( again) with out this sick family system! Im going outward and onward, to interact in the real world. Many closed fences! I have my work cut out for me!
At times I am;
1. Laughed at when I should be taken seriously
2. Spit on when I was telling the truth
3. belittled when I attempt honest kindness
4. Thrown away for being inline with God and real!
5. hated, because I expected others to treat me at my worth and nothing less.
6. Crucified for being authentic and so innocent I could not change it..
7. Death; because I was innocent!
8. raped because I was alive and not a zoo animal.
9. out status and treated as a second class slave because I stood up for reality instead of worshiping the darkness or the system.
10. Shut down, shunned, neg'd and dishonestly disqualified when I had earned the credibility to participate or speak or share about a thing!
And many more things, shut out of society, having doors shut in my face by 2 faced people!
And it never ends out in LA LA land!
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The goal is social interaction; possibly finding those that appreciate me! learning to leave the other alone! learn to stop talking to those that don't count! Do not even look at them; and this has been such a problem when Im in social arenas. Its very difficult!
Im going through a middle middle middle time! I have lots of middle stuff to process from the beginning of my life; things that are making me dissociate! A twisted bottle neck!
Ive done art work at every 12 step meeting, I create a picture at almost every meeting! However, this is beginning rural work ( Naive art); Im talking about real art levels; serious art! This means more commitment, and this is hard when social problems loom, or social development looms..
I was quit psychzophrenic when I was young! The social suicide death system I had to grow up in murdered me!
Now Im attempting to show up and gain feedback ( again) with out this sick family system! Im going outward and onward, to interact in the real world. Many closed fences! I have my work cut out for me!
At times I am;
1. Laughed at when I should be taken seriously
2. Spit on when I was telling the truth
3. belittled when I attempt honest kindness
4. Thrown away for being inline with God and real!
5. hated, because I expected others to treat me at my worth and nothing less.
6. Crucified for being authentic and so innocent I could not change it..
7. Death; because I was innocent!
8. raped because I was alive and not a zoo animal.
9. out status and treated as a second class slave because I stood up for reality instead of worshiping the darkness or the system.
10. Shut down, shunned, neg'd and dishonestly disqualified when I had earned the credibility to participate or speak or share about a thing!
And many more things, shut out of society, having doors shut in my face by 2 faced people!
And it never ends out in LA LA land!
------
The goal is social interaction; possibly finding those that appreciate me! learning to leave the other alone! learn to stop talking to those that don't count! Do not even look at them; and this has been such a problem when Im in social arenas. Its very difficult!
Im going through a middle middle middle time! I have lots of middle stuff to process from the beginning of my life; things that are making me dissociate! A twisted bottle neck!
