If you did not understand the above title, then you probably do not speak Portuguese; it is the literal translation of a very interesting Portuguese saying. What does it mean? We shall get to that. Meanwhile, whilst I start telling a story, try to guess!
I like to grow my beard. Why? I don't know... I simply just like it this way! Yet many people notice my beard and make interesting comments about it. Recently, I have left it unshaven and untrimmed for nearly four months. People made the most varied comments. Many comments included physiological comparisons: they would say I looked like a Taliban, or an Islamic State terrorist, or a Jew, or even Father Christmas. Other comments were made with regards to what I should do about it: many were those who suggested that I would shave, and few were those who actually said they liked it that way. Others were actual interventions: my friends greatly motivated that I should shave. Still others included threats: one person warned me that I would eventually be confused with a terrorist, and that I would get problems from that; and my mother threatened to shave it at night during my sleep.
These comments would provoke different feelings within me. Whenever someone would say it jokingly, I would laugh along, and everything would be all right. However, whenever someone would say anything in a more serious manner, I would be more disturbed, because I just wished they would respect me and my options a bit more (I am sad right now just as I type these words — [sigh]). It would be as though they were judging me, as though it was somehow bad for me to grow my beard.
Yesterday, I went to a barber and I asked him to cut my hair and trim my beard. (I remind you that I had not done this for four months.) I did it, not because of other people's suggestions, but mainly because I thought the time had come for me to trim my beard and cut my hair, since I thought they were already too long. Afterwards, the reactions have been also varied. Some people said that I looked really nice, but others said that I should have shaved even more, if not completely, and kept on making those suggestions, if not even criticising me.
(sigh) And, in all this, there are two groups of people whose comments I have loved the most: 1) those who have never said anything at all; and 2) those who have only ever said I looked good. Most other comments just kind of sounded a bit like some form of criticism, even if very disguised.
What is my point? My point is that, whatever you do, there will always be people criticising you. This is the meaning of that Portuguese saying: ‘One is arrested for having a dog and for not having a dog.’ Even if we are talking about contrary events, like having a dog and not having a dog (you cannot avoid both: either you have a dog or you do not), someone will always criticise you for your choice. You will never get complete approval from everyone of anything you do. There will always be someone opposing you, because not everyone shares or approves the same ideas — regardless of what you choose.
So, what shall you do? I think that, when you are faced with a choice, you should do whatever you think is best. This, of course, depends on what kind of choice we are talking about. If the choice directly influences someone else, then you should take that into consideration and do what is best for others. But, right now, I would like to focus on the choices that affect only yourself. The answer is: do whatever you prefer, regardless of what other people will think. You should not allow yourself to be affected by what other people think when the choice is personal and irrelevant to everyone else. Whether you shave or not, what you wear, what you do with your spare time, and similar options should be essentially made based upon what you prefer, since the issue is entirely personal. Evidently, if you have little preference, you may consider other people's opinions; however, this should not be a primary factor to be considered — not only because people's opinions will differ widely, but also because it just does not make sense for you to submit to the opinions of people who have got nothing to do with such personal subjects.
What if you want to say something about someone else's personal choice? Well, here I lay a few tips. Firstly, consider whether it will really be profitable and useful for you to say that; our speech should be restrained to whatever is good and profitable for edification (Ephesians 4:29), and we should strive to be ‘quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry’ (James 5:16); therefore, if you think that your opinion is actually irrelevant, avoid saying it. Secondly, consider how the person may feel after you express your opinion; bear in mind that the person has thought carefully about what they would choose to do, and that they have probably chosen what they thought they would prefer; do not forget that, by saying you dislike what they have done, they may see that as some sort of attack or criticism on themselves, since they may think that you are attacking their preferences (and, in turn, their personality). Thirdly, if you do decide to express it anyway, do so in a loving manner, and make it abundantly clear that you are solely expressing your opinion, and that you do not want your speech to be interpreted as an attack or as criticism; make it also abundantly clear that you are saying no more than your personal opinion, and that your opinion should never be regarded as absolute truth, nor anything near that, nor as representative of other people's opinions; make it clear that the person should not heed your opinion necessarily simply because it is your opinion. Fourthly, make it abundantly clear that you love that person, because you love your neighbours (Matthew 22:39); never forget what Paul wrote: ‘Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in love. Honour one another above yourselves’ (Romans 12:9-10).
I hope that this reflection may have been useful and profitable. Be careful the next time you make comments about other people's personal choices, and avoid placing too heavy consideration on other people's opinions about your personal choices that affect you alone. Quoting from the above-posted video: ‘Who cares what other people think? Just be you!’
I like to grow my beard. Why? I don't know... I simply just like it this way! Yet many people notice my beard and make interesting comments about it. Recently, I have left it unshaven and untrimmed for nearly four months. People made the most varied comments. Many comments included physiological comparisons: they would say I looked like a Taliban, or an Islamic State terrorist, or a Jew, or even Father Christmas. Other comments were made with regards to what I should do about it: many were those who suggested that I would shave, and few were those who actually said they liked it that way. Others were actual interventions: my friends greatly motivated that I should shave. Still others included threats: one person warned me that I would eventually be confused with a terrorist, and that I would get problems from that; and my mother threatened to shave it at night during my sleep.
These comments would provoke different feelings within me. Whenever someone would say it jokingly, I would laugh along, and everything would be all right. However, whenever someone would say anything in a more serious manner, I would be more disturbed, because I just wished they would respect me and my options a bit more (I am sad right now just as I type these words — [sigh]). It would be as though they were judging me, as though it was somehow bad for me to grow my beard.
Yesterday, I went to a barber and I asked him to cut my hair and trim my beard. (I remind you that I had not done this for four months.) I did it, not because of other people's suggestions, but mainly because I thought the time had come for me to trim my beard and cut my hair, since I thought they were already too long. Afterwards, the reactions have been also varied. Some people said that I looked really nice, but others said that I should have shaved even more, if not completely, and kept on making those suggestions, if not even criticising me.
(sigh) And, in all this, there are two groups of people whose comments I have loved the most: 1) those who have never said anything at all; and 2) those who have only ever said I looked good. Most other comments just kind of sounded a bit like some form of criticism, even if very disguised.
What is my point? My point is that, whatever you do, there will always be people criticising you. This is the meaning of that Portuguese saying: ‘One is arrested for having a dog and for not having a dog.’ Even if we are talking about contrary events, like having a dog and not having a dog (you cannot avoid both: either you have a dog or you do not), someone will always criticise you for your choice. You will never get complete approval from everyone of anything you do. There will always be someone opposing you, because not everyone shares or approves the same ideas — regardless of what you choose.
So, what shall you do? I think that, when you are faced with a choice, you should do whatever you think is best. This, of course, depends on what kind of choice we are talking about. If the choice directly influences someone else, then you should take that into consideration and do what is best for others. But, right now, I would like to focus on the choices that affect only yourself. The answer is: do whatever you prefer, regardless of what other people will think. You should not allow yourself to be affected by what other people think when the choice is personal and irrelevant to everyone else. Whether you shave or not, what you wear, what you do with your spare time, and similar options should be essentially made based upon what you prefer, since the issue is entirely personal. Evidently, if you have little preference, you may consider other people's opinions; however, this should not be a primary factor to be considered — not only because people's opinions will differ widely, but also because it just does not make sense for you to submit to the opinions of people who have got nothing to do with such personal subjects.
What if you want to say something about someone else's personal choice? Well, here I lay a few tips. Firstly, consider whether it will really be profitable and useful for you to say that; our speech should be restrained to whatever is good and profitable for edification (Ephesians 4:29), and we should strive to be ‘quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry’ (James 5:16); therefore, if you think that your opinion is actually irrelevant, avoid saying it. Secondly, consider how the person may feel after you express your opinion; bear in mind that the person has thought carefully about what they would choose to do, and that they have probably chosen what they thought they would prefer; do not forget that, by saying you dislike what they have done, they may see that as some sort of attack or criticism on themselves, since they may think that you are attacking their preferences (and, in turn, their personality). Thirdly, if you do decide to express it anyway, do so in a loving manner, and make it abundantly clear that you are solely expressing your opinion, and that you do not want your speech to be interpreted as an attack or as criticism; make it also abundantly clear that you are saying no more than your personal opinion, and that your opinion should never be regarded as absolute truth, nor anything near that, nor as representative of other people's opinions; make it clear that the person should not heed your opinion necessarily simply because it is your opinion. Fourthly, make it abundantly clear that you love that person, because you love your neighbours (Matthew 22:39); never forget what Paul wrote: ‘Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in love. Honour one another above yourselves’ (Romans 12:9-10).
I hope that this reflection may have been useful and profitable. Be careful the next time you make comments about other people's personal choices, and avoid placing too heavy consideration on other people's opinions about your personal choices that affect you alone. Quoting from the above-posted video: ‘Who cares what other people think? Just be you!’
