from old blog October 10, 2007
Dear Jesus,
I saw a thread that asked to tell how our username came about. After I posted it occured to me I should write about it here. I wasn't sure why at first. Now I think it might be important for those who have lost someone to war to know someone else's loss and how it can be ok. To know we are all connected in the spirit. And if we could only learn somehow to feel each others pain. To stop connecting with our brain. That the brain is only the tool to handle. And in all reality the brain does pretty well subconciously without our input. The heart is the source. I pray this pleases you, Jesus.
Mr. Montana
My son's name is Michael Joseph. Joe to everyone who loved him. He was 6'2" and very well built. He was the sunniest person from the time he was little. Just full of smiles and love. He melted evryones heart whoever met him.
Joe served in the first gulf war in Kuwait. He was known as Mr. Montana to his fellow servicemen. That became his e-mail address. I refer to the ones who served in that war as the "forgotten" ones. By every one but those who loved them. No one cares one bit what happened there. It's ok, though because the Lord NEVER forgets.
During Joe's time in Kuwait he was a heavy equipment operator-mechanic. It was his job to go to the front lines, retrieve the down vehicles, fix them, and return them. In the process he drove back and forth by a radiation plant daily for two months. If anyone remembers, there were also a lot of chemicals used in that war. Joe started having seizures. He completed his time and returned home. A few short months later they added him to a study of three thousand others who were having seizures. A few more short months later he died in his sleep from a seizure.
He left behind an absolutely wonderful wife, a two year old daughter at the time, Miss Emily Irene and a broken family. We had just lost my grandson Conner to crib death.
It was August 18 the day they came to tell me. It will always burn in my mind. My two youngest daughters, Katie and Josie, were on their way home from Washington with their grandparents. They had called me from the cell phone in Idaho, about five hours away. Nine hours later I couldn't get them on the phone and they hadn't arrived yet. My two oldest daughters, Trinity and Ranee, showed up and the second I saw there face I knew. I remember going to the bedroom, closing the door and screaming over and over. No,no,no,no,no,no,no,no,no,..... I wouldn't let them tell me. You see, I thought I'd lost Katie and Josie in a horrible, mutilating car wreck. Two. I just could not accept it. Trinity must have figured out what I thought. She came over to me and very gently said, "It's ok, mom, he died in his sleep." It took a moment for it to register. The second it did I felt this incredible calm come over me. It's the last thing I remember until sometime in January. They tell me I went numb. I didn't cry, I didn't react, nothing. I just went through the motions. When I did come out of it I had incredible guilt for a few days because how could I be so calm when it was Joe and so devestated when I thought it was Katie and Josie. And then I heard the Lord gently say to me. "It is a gift from me. I don't give more than can be handled". That was when I totally got it. I've been ok with it ever since. You see I have two sons and two grandsons with the Lord. I am blessed. My quiver is full on both sides. This is such a short time here. It's an eternity there. We have all of eternity to finish our journey together. Do I miss Joe. Of course. But it's not more than I can handle. During that time I became lilmissmontana. It's part of who I am now. It keeps me connected to the part of who Joe was then.
I love you, Jesus because
I am nothing if not for you
Dear Jesus,
I saw a thread that asked to tell how our username came about. After I posted it occured to me I should write about it here. I wasn't sure why at first. Now I think it might be important for those who have lost someone to war to know someone else's loss and how it can be ok. To know we are all connected in the spirit. And if we could only learn somehow to feel each others pain. To stop connecting with our brain. That the brain is only the tool to handle. And in all reality the brain does pretty well subconciously without our input. The heart is the source. I pray this pleases you, Jesus.
Mr. Montana
My son's name is Michael Joseph. Joe to everyone who loved him. He was 6'2" and very well built. He was the sunniest person from the time he was little. Just full of smiles and love. He melted evryones heart whoever met him.
Joe served in the first gulf war in Kuwait. He was known as Mr. Montana to his fellow servicemen. That became his e-mail address. I refer to the ones who served in that war as the "forgotten" ones. By every one but those who loved them. No one cares one bit what happened there. It's ok, though because the Lord NEVER forgets.
During Joe's time in Kuwait he was a heavy equipment operator-mechanic. It was his job to go to the front lines, retrieve the down vehicles, fix them, and return them. In the process he drove back and forth by a radiation plant daily for two months. If anyone remembers, there were also a lot of chemicals used in that war. Joe started having seizures. He completed his time and returned home. A few short months later they added him to a study of three thousand others who were having seizures. A few more short months later he died in his sleep from a seizure.
He left behind an absolutely wonderful wife, a two year old daughter at the time, Miss Emily Irene and a broken family. We had just lost my grandson Conner to crib death.
It was August 18 the day they came to tell me. It will always burn in my mind. My two youngest daughters, Katie and Josie, were on their way home from Washington with their grandparents. They had called me from the cell phone in Idaho, about five hours away. Nine hours later I couldn't get them on the phone and they hadn't arrived yet. My two oldest daughters, Trinity and Ranee, showed up and the second I saw there face I knew. I remember going to the bedroom, closing the door and screaming over and over. No,no,no,no,no,no,no,no,no,..... I wouldn't let them tell me. You see, I thought I'd lost Katie and Josie in a horrible, mutilating car wreck. Two. I just could not accept it. Trinity must have figured out what I thought. She came over to me and very gently said, "It's ok, mom, he died in his sleep." It took a moment for it to register. The second it did I felt this incredible calm come over me. It's the last thing I remember until sometime in January. They tell me I went numb. I didn't cry, I didn't react, nothing. I just went through the motions. When I did come out of it I had incredible guilt for a few days because how could I be so calm when it was Joe and so devestated when I thought it was Katie and Josie. And then I heard the Lord gently say to me. "It is a gift from me. I don't give more than can be handled". That was when I totally got it. I've been ok with it ever since. You see I have two sons and two grandsons with the Lord. I am blessed. My quiver is full on both sides. This is such a short time here. It's an eternity there. We have all of eternity to finish our journey together. Do I miss Joe. Of course. But it's not more than I can handle. During that time I became lilmissmontana. It's part of who I am now. It keeps me connected to the part of who Joe was then.
I love you, Jesus because
I am nothing if not for you
