I was raised in a conservative christian family by outwardly appearances. My parents were well respected within the church. My religious roots are deeply embedded in the Southern Baptist Churches.
However from the inside looking out the image was a bit darker. Unbeknownst to the church, my mother suffered emotionally. She tried killing herself approximately 20 times. I have memories of daddy rushing her to the hospital that predate my going to school. Unfortunately I have no reason to think my mother underwent any type of treatment outside the scope of what the Hospital Physicians would have imposed on her. She was extremely abusive to my siblings and I, both physically and emotionally.
I had trouble reconciling my environment with my religious beliefs. I dug into the Bible often and earlier than most, which raised many new questions. I simply could not reconcile the harshness of war in God's name in the old testament with the song, Jesus Loves the Little Children. As I aged, I found new questions that I couldn't reconcile with a loving God. During moments of sharing, it bugged me to hear people thank God for their new Car or home while so many children were dying of starvation and disease. And it isn't because I felt they were unworthy but because of the assumption that God found the time to answer their prayer for a new car while he ignored the prayers of so many young children that were suffering. As a consequence, I started trying new churches hoping to find reconciliation with my God and environment.
I floated from church to church and for a while ended up in a peculiar habit. I would worship Sunday mornings at a United Methodist Church, Sunday Nights at a Church of Christ, and Wednesday nights at an evangelical non-denominational church. Though you shouldn't assume I haven't tried the church of your choice.
As I matured I maintained my habit of reading from the Bible which raised more and more unanswered questions. Eventually, and primarily because of other things going on in my life, I decided to quit work and spend my time trying to make sense of the world. I called it my sabbatical at one time, but during this time I broke off all relations with any type of organized religion.
Eventually I reconciled my world with my religion by using the four Gospels as the word of God while considering the rest of the Bible as literature, or in some cases, very dark justifications for horrid acts in Gods name.
The political and religious tone of the world in which we live continues to plague me. Some mornings I wake and question the existence of a God that could enable the world-wide suffering so many endure. I still spend my days hoping for a better world and remain unattached to any form of organized religion.
However from the inside looking out the image was a bit darker. Unbeknownst to the church, my mother suffered emotionally. She tried killing herself approximately 20 times. I have memories of daddy rushing her to the hospital that predate my going to school. Unfortunately I have no reason to think my mother underwent any type of treatment outside the scope of what the Hospital Physicians would have imposed on her. She was extremely abusive to my siblings and I, both physically and emotionally.
I had trouble reconciling my environment with my religious beliefs. I dug into the Bible often and earlier than most, which raised many new questions. I simply could not reconcile the harshness of war in God's name in the old testament with the song, Jesus Loves the Little Children. As I aged, I found new questions that I couldn't reconcile with a loving God. During moments of sharing, it bugged me to hear people thank God for their new Car or home while so many children were dying of starvation and disease. And it isn't because I felt they were unworthy but because of the assumption that God found the time to answer their prayer for a new car while he ignored the prayers of so many young children that were suffering. As a consequence, I started trying new churches hoping to find reconciliation with my God and environment.
I floated from church to church and for a while ended up in a peculiar habit. I would worship Sunday mornings at a United Methodist Church, Sunday Nights at a Church of Christ, and Wednesday nights at an evangelical non-denominational church. Though you shouldn't assume I haven't tried the church of your choice.
As I matured I maintained my habit of reading from the Bible which raised more and more unanswered questions. Eventually, and primarily because of other things going on in my life, I decided to quit work and spend my time trying to make sense of the world. I called it my sabbatical at one time, but during this time I broke off all relations with any type of organized religion.
Eventually I reconciled my world with my religion by using the four Gospels as the word of God while considering the rest of the Bible as literature, or in some cases, very dark justifications for horrid acts in Gods name.
The political and religious tone of the world in which we live continues to plague me. Some mornings I wake and question the existence of a God that could enable the world-wide suffering so many endure. I still spend my days hoping for a better world and remain unattached to any form of organized religion.
