my bad disturbed blinded, poor ill influenced decisions

To whom it may concern, I am a 22 year old female ever since last year especially i feel as though god has opened a piece of my sight that was once veiled. so here is my life story in a short summary. I grew up in another country to a family of 3 (my mother and two older sisters). Big secret I've never unveiled is that since age 4 to age 9 I've been molested under heavy influence & manipulation by one of my sister's (4 years older than me). This I have known and lived with for many years. I have been depressed as a child worsening into adulthood my mother was and still is mentally and physically abusive, there was always lack of bonding growing up with her, she never paid enough attention to me as the youngest sibling at all and was always rather insensitive towards any of the feelings I expressed, my oldest sister (8 years older) was always into herself and only showed attention to me when it was about making comments with my other sister (such as I'd be the first to have a baby) such things were said of me since I was 5 years old. I grew up sexually curious masturbation since as far back as 5 yrs. of age. I lost my virginity at age 14 to a 20 yr. old and have been highly sexually promiscuous ever since. I have cut my arm numerous times but not since age 21, numerous suicide attempts and urges . I still live around and have even talked to like nothing happened for yrs.that very same sister that shredded my innocence. Out of no self- esteem, influence, and high manipulation I manged to spend 20 yrs. of my life and pretend like abuse never happened just so I could feel a sense of normalcy. I am now haunted daily from my childhood trauma,abuse, and mental slavery I've lived in for 21 yrs. of my life. There's actually much more ugly to my story but I just don't have a year to write it all. My whole family has since proved to my new sight that they are toxic. What's worst is I now have twin daughters to raise. Everything I see around me looks like sexual abuse, I find myself breaking down out of nowhere and then trying to hide it from those I fear the most. This is only amongst my many other demons I'm battling, possibly the foundation for most of it. I'm not totally lost I see the light but it's really far ahead, should I consider ridding myself of venomus hypocritical pretentious people (my family especially), I sincerely fear for the loss of what little sanity I've got left from this dysfunctional life I sadly lived for so long.I fear death by my own hand If I don't get out. I feel like i'm in a cage covered by a dark cloud, but at the same time I lack the resources to just pick up and leave with 2 kids. WHAT SHOULD I DO?