What ministry do you do? What ministry would you like to do? These thoughts have been circling in my head for a long time now. I can honestly say at the moment I don't have much of a ministry going and I am not really sure how to get one started. Don't get me wrong - it is not that I am not passionate about the Lord. It is just that, well, I have not really been able to develop anything of late. It is almost as if there is nothing I really feel like doing. Sure, I have ideas but I am not really sure how to put them into action. I am not sure how to let go of what I am already holding on to and move into another direction. True, as a teacher in a developing country I have a sort of "ministry" working with people here but is it really enough and is it really what I think God is calling me to do?
Today the guest speaker at church challenged us to give up our daily job and take on full time ministry. As we nodded our head in agreement (after all the world needs more leaders in our faith) I knew that I was not going to be one of the people that actuallt took up the challenge. After all, I had already agreed to work another year to sort out all the financial problems I am facing and work towards living in one country more than 2 years (1 year down, 2 more to go). So why do I feel like I am missing something?
I am not sure. I guess there is part of me that wants my own ministry. My own way of worshipping God in my daily life. Most times I feel like my day is a struggle to find peace. I am not saying I don't enjoy it and that I don't have peaceful, joyful moments. But by the end of the week I feel drained, tired, ready to explode (or sometimes I have already exploded) and weak. I feel like doing nothing. I don't want to share myself, I don't want to fellowship, I don't want to love anymore. Is this what living out your calling is supposed to be like?
I know that I have a lot of praying to do before I can even think about changing my profession but I do know one thing - I want God to make me into what He wants me to be. I don't want to change into who I think I should be, or what others think I should be. In all things I know that when I accept that my ministry, whatever it may be, develops it will be for Him and by His hand. I won't have to be alone. I won't ever be able to claim it - for it is never for my own glory but it is for Him.
