It seems that I am only really starting to understand how God works. It is amazing to see progress (even thoug it may only be a tiny bit) in one's life. Or is it that I am finally able to look at all I have done through someone else's eyes? It seems weird and comforting at the same time.
It reminds me of the time I was walking late at night in Korea. It was so cold that snow was falling and as I was walking I realised I no longer cared about the cold. That was one of those moments that you never forget because up until that moment I really did care for the cold. It was something that we Aussies tend not to like too much. It was a beautiful moment for in that breif second I was at peace. Of course life never works out that way. Moments like those are fleeting and get lost in the new problems that surround us everyday.
So yesterday, I was sitting at the cafe with my coffee, book and sandwich watching the world go by and realised I was having that feelign again. That is not an easy feeling to have in the midst the dirt, dust, UN vehicles, random chickens and everything else that makes up Dili. But the peace that I felt was not of this world but something more. It reminded me of the journey that I have taken and the journey I still have to take. It reminded me of where I have been and how much further I still have to go. It showed me, above all else, that if I had found exactly what I wanted the first time around I would have been ungreatful and I would have sort more. Now, after all my experience, I know that there is nothing more that I could want. I have lived in a tent for the last 9 years. I have never found a place to call home. Some places I have passed quickly through. Others I have stayed a while but all the time I was thinking next time I will get to where I need to be. Next time I will stop fighting. But God knew better and now I can see why I needed all those tents. True, this is not the place I need to be forever and I am ok with that. I may only be here until the end of the year and I think that I already know where God is calling me next.
All of this doesn't really matter because I have finally been able to let go of the future. All my trials have shown me that I am ready and able to do what it is God is calling me to do without constantly looking at the next plan. I have finally burnt my own map and will let God guide the rest of the way.
It reminds me of the time I was walking late at night in Korea. It was so cold that snow was falling and as I was walking I realised I no longer cared about the cold. That was one of those moments that you never forget because up until that moment I really did care for the cold. It was something that we Aussies tend not to like too much. It was a beautiful moment for in that breif second I was at peace. Of course life never works out that way. Moments like those are fleeting and get lost in the new problems that surround us everyday.
So yesterday, I was sitting at the cafe with my coffee, book and sandwich watching the world go by and realised I was having that feelign again. That is not an easy feeling to have in the midst the dirt, dust, UN vehicles, random chickens and everything else that makes up Dili. But the peace that I felt was not of this world but something more. It reminded me of the journey that I have taken and the journey I still have to take. It reminded me of where I have been and how much further I still have to go. It showed me, above all else, that if I had found exactly what I wanted the first time around I would have been ungreatful and I would have sort more. Now, after all my experience, I know that there is nothing more that I could want. I have lived in a tent for the last 9 years. I have never found a place to call home. Some places I have passed quickly through. Others I have stayed a while but all the time I was thinking next time I will get to where I need to be. Next time I will stop fighting. But God knew better and now I can see why I needed all those tents. True, this is not the place I need to be forever and I am ok with that. I may only be here until the end of the year and I think that I already know where God is calling me next.
All of this doesn't really matter because I have finally been able to let go of the future. All my trials have shown me that I am ready and able to do what it is God is calling me to do without constantly looking at the next plan. I have finally burnt my own map and will let God guide the rest of the way.
