I have a barage of words running through my head.
Mistakes
Choices
Failure
Hope
Chance
Words
Thoughts
Family
Division
I've gone through a lot lately. My grandmother has fallen ill, had two surguries on her heart, is on the road to recovery, managed to alienate myself from my third cousins and their mother who is my aunt (my dad was adopted by his uncle and aunt by marriage), found new friends online, and maybe, just maybe found a new job. All in the span of a week and half. Whew
!
I just feel like my head is cluttered with so many thoughts and feelings. Most of which I can't do anything about either because of situations I can't control, or because of circumstances that I caused through no fault of my own. And yes, the alienation of my cousins wasn't my fault. I wrote in my blog my thoughts and feelings about how my aunt was treating me by not allowing me to come and see my grandmother, and they took it the wrong way.
Never mind the fact that I was emotional, worried, stressed, and all. Never mind the fact that what I said wasn't really all that terrible, or that it consisted of two lines in the entire blog. If I do share any responsibility in this it's this:
I trusted the wrong people. I added them as friends to myspace and I shouldn't have done that. That was my mistake. I should have remembered the old addage:
The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
That saying has stuck around so long because it's true. No matter how much we try and pretend like it's not. It is. We invaribly inherit unpleasant traits from our relatives no matter how hard we try to do the opposite. This point is evident by statement by one of my cousins, Tessa.
She was reading my blog at the hospital and became upset (cue the eye roll now), and she didn't actually come out and say she told my "aunt" and grandmother, she made me think she did, by implying that she told them what I had said. She later told me I was selfish.
Hmmm...well, she was immature to even hint she'd tell my grandmother what I had written. The woman (who is 86) just had a heart attack and two surguries, the final one to implant a pacemaker, and she dangles that threat over my head. How immature! I wanted to tell her to grow up, but really I just wanted it over.
But honestly, to even think of telling my grandmother about my blog entry when that news could upset her as a heart patient, just seems to be the height of childishness and irresponsibilty. I haven't heard from my 3 cousins or my "aunt" and I'm perfectly fine with that.
I'd prefer to have them out of my life. Not that we had much in common with before this. We live in different parts of the state, our lives are totally opposite of each others, we're nothing alike. Guess that's because we don't share that much DNA.
Mistakes
Choices
Failure
Hope
Chance
Words
Thoughts
Family
Division
I've gone through a lot lately. My grandmother has fallen ill, had two surguries on her heart, is on the road to recovery, managed to alienate myself from my third cousins and their mother who is my aunt (my dad was adopted by his uncle and aunt by marriage), found new friends online, and maybe, just maybe found a new job. All in the span of a week and half. Whew
!I just feel like my head is cluttered with so many thoughts and feelings. Most of which I can't do anything about either because of situations I can't control, or because of circumstances that I caused through no fault of my own. And yes, the alienation of my cousins wasn't my fault. I wrote in my blog my thoughts and feelings about how my aunt was treating me by not allowing me to come and see my grandmother, and they took it the wrong way.
Never mind the fact that I was emotional, worried, stressed, and all. Never mind the fact that what I said wasn't really all that terrible, or that it consisted of two lines in the entire blog. If I do share any responsibility in this it's this:
I trusted the wrong people. I added them as friends to myspace and I shouldn't have done that. That was my mistake. I should have remembered the old addage:
The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
That saying has stuck around so long because it's true. No matter how much we try and pretend like it's not. It is. We invaribly inherit unpleasant traits from our relatives no matter how hard we try to do the opposite. This point is evident by statement by one of my cousins, Tessa.
She was reading my blog at the hospital and became upset (cue the eye roll now), and she didn't actually come out and say she told my "aunt" and grandmother, she made me think she did, by implying that she told them what I had said. She later told me I was selfish.
Hmmm...well, she was immature to even hint she'd tell my grandmother what I had written. The woman (who is 86) just had a heart attack and two surguries, the final one to implant a pacemaker, and she dangles that threat over my head. How immature! I wanted to tell her to grow up, but really I just wanted it over.
But honestly, to even think of telling my grandmother about my blog entry when that news could upset her as a heart patient, just seems to be the height of childishness and irresponsibilty. I haven't heard from my 3 cousins or my "aunt" and I'm perfectly fine with that.
I'd prefer to have them out of my life. Not that we had much in common with before this. We live in different parts of the state, our lives are totally opposite of each others, we're nothing alike. Guess that's because we don't share that much DNA.
