Haven't been able to write much at all as of late, I've been real busy with work and just haven't had decent access to a computer.
I love my job and I thank the Lord for it and the ability to work for the man known as Bill Anderson. He is an amazing man of God, and walks so strong. Recently I have been going through a dry-spell with my spirituality, but think that things are coming together the way God intended. I have stepped away from His will and buried myself in my sorrows and my self-centered wants. I am once again taking the focus off self and am serving others as I am called to do. He watches over me day by day, and I know that He is there. My dry-spell is becoming guided by God because I am stepping out of the way and trying to allow God to do His thing, not me. I hadn't realized just how self-serving I had become and how enveloped in my own sadness and heart-ache I had become. But to think of the Heart-ache I was causing my Lord with my vein actions. I was breaking His heart as I followed paths that broke mine. Well deserved breaks, because what have I done to deserve anything? What happiness IN this world do I deserve? none. Only the joy in knowing that God loves me and accepts me as filthy as I am, and as filthy as I always am. I don't deserve it, but it's something God has given me and has somehow found me worthy and will judge me not guilty!
I hate my heart and what I am doing to it. I hate this life I lead, because it is not the life God intended for me! I hate this that I am doing to His life, cause it is no longer mine. He bought me with the blood of His son, and I go around breaking His heart and slapping Him in the face. GOD I HATE that I do this to YOU! and I am so sorry! I'm sorry. I'm sorry for trying to pay more attention to Eve, than to You, my Creator. In my heart, Eve comes with different faces and smiles, but always to just walk away. Then, and it is then I turn back to You asking to be held and to comfort the hurt that racks my heart. Then a new day comes and a new Eve walks my way, shattering the pieces that used to be. It's my fault, never you Lord. You just want to love me and guide me, but I am too wrapped up in what I want, and I am sorry, I ask for your forgiveness Father. I know my heart is still alive cause it continually hurts and urns, but I ask that it be filled with you. Amen.
I love my job and I thank the Lord for it and the ability to work for the man known as Bill Anderson. He is an amazing man of God, and walks so strong. Recently I have been going through a dry-spell with my spirituality, but think that things are coming together the way God intended. I have stepped away from His will and buried myself in my sorrows and my self-centered wants. I am once again taking the focus off self and am serving others as I am called to do. He watches over me day by day, and I know that He is there. My dry-spell is becoming guided by God because I am stepping out of the way and trying to allow God to do His thing, not me. I hadn't realized just how self-serving I had become and how enveloped in my own sadness and heart-ache I had become. But to think of the Heart-ache I was causing my Lord with my vein actions. I was breaking His heart as I followed paths that broke mine. Well deserved breaks, because what have I done to deserve anything? What happiness IN this world do I deserve? none. Only the joy in knowing that God loves me and accepts me as filthy as I am, and as filthy as I always am. I don't deserve it, but it's something God has given me and has somehow found me worthy and will judge me not guilty!
I hate my heart and what I am doing to it. I hate this life I lead, because it is not the life God intended for me! I hate this that I am doing to His life, cause it is no longer mine. He bought me with the blood of His son, and I go around breaking His heart and slapping Him in the face. GOD I HATE that I do this to YOU! and I am so sorry! I'm sorry. I'm sorry for trying to pay more attention to Eve, than to You, my Creator. In my heart, Eve comes with different faces and smiles, but always to just walk away. Then, and it is then I turn back to You asking to be held and to comfort the hurt that racks my heart. Then a new day comes and a new Eve walks my way, shattering the pieces that used to be. It's my fault, never you Lord. You just want to love me and guide me, but I am too wrapped up in what I want, and I am sorry, I ask for your forgiveness Father. I know my heart is still alive cause it continually hurts and urns, but I ask that it be filled with you. Amen.
