It is the time of sorrows......Sorrow is the first step to Inlightenment. I pray freverently sorrows will not come upon my family..even so, my son-in-law's brother died last week and he was devestated. Always is so when one comes face to face with mortality. Is why so many have reacted in sorrow over MJ's passing. Shock and disbelief when you realize you don't really have control of your destiny.
I have spent a great deal of my life messing with people.....kinda like Rose with Charlie on 3 and half men....people perceive me to be unintelligent , naive, wishywashy, 2 faced, a liar, ...I just hadn't settled into who I am. Nothing I have ever done was with the intention to harm. So much was part of post traumatic stress disorder , once I got a handle on that many things changed with me and my life. In my previous group, which was classified as a support group...I realized all the ways out of ptsd, anxiety, depression, mania, self destruction were all things the Bible teaches....many may think these ways are all new pyschology but these ways were given us from the beginning of time. Odd how we are taught these ways and yet do not live them or are they given to us from others in life. Until we seek mental and emotional health//healing...
I have always lived by what I discovered in the Bible. I have never lived by any other creed.
I have had a relationship with God since I was 11 years old. When I was getting my brain healthy I did throw all that out, some things I have experienced in the supernatural were not from god, not knowing what was true and what was not I gave myself a clean slate.
Most of what I felt was true indeed was/is.
I still am tense most of the time...and in pain, I guess it might be fibermyalsia...bad spelling.....chronic pain......I am treating it as such, not with drugs...I don't go for drugs cus I am feriously independent and being dependent in anyway sends me into depression....
My other group was bad....the guy who ran it was scary. I was scared to leave for years...kinda like a battered wife who wants to leave her abusive husband but fears worse if she does.....I was fearful this guy would rip me up as I had seen him do with others.....in the end there were only 3 people remaining in the group so I felt safe leaving. I am not one to stay in abuse...but I am patient , I know my way out will come. ...not likely I will ever subject myself to abuse in the future now I am clear I do not deserve it as had been brainwashed into me.
I like this group. No one bothers me, gets into my business, no judging, no harrassment and no childish games wrought from jealousy.
I told my husband, I am working on my other beauty now....spent a life time with my inner beauty, it's a done deal there, so now that should be reflected outwardly in my appearance and in our home's apprearance.
I want to find and join a nice church, purely for social reasons. I like christians, they get a bad rap because of radicals, but most are not radicals and go about doing good. They are at least polite by and large and don't get in your face and don't align with pc mentality......really had it with the whole pc movement, so stupid really imploring your ideals on others that way...I have my own opinion, thanks......I don't need yours.
Mike finds peace in clutter...in his home growing up they never did housework...and lived like pigs. They are a nice family, all about doing good but appearances definetly did not fall on their list....My family was completely opposite....all about appearances and never do goods. All these years with mike whenever I have taken steps toward my home, he has yanked me back to his....I am willing to do for others, I am all about everyone being happy. One day a few weeks back, it occured to me that in this "everyone" I have never included myself. Mike used to interprete my cleaning as I must be interested in some other guy...?.......it goes way back our beginning, he was at my apt one day when my ex was coming to pick up the girls and I cleaned that morning, my ex.....he had some nasty lies about me and living in squarlar was one of them, ...Mike resented me caring what my ex thought....though I could care less that is why he is my ex......and that false truth, Mike has carried our whole relationship. Me cleaning=cheating.
So I would build, and he would tear down,...and I would build and he would tear down....and I would build and he would tear down....over and over and over and over......last time was a couple years ago....maybe 3....been a while......I did not know what sent us in that cycle at that time, but I knew it was a repeated cycle from the get go.
Was a path of prayer from then.....first came the realization that he was coming from a place of jealousy and insecurity, had never thought mike at all insecure up until then because I thought only women were insecure....come to find out, Men are equally if not more insecure as women are.
Mike is well over it now, he understands why and how much a home means to me. Now he helps and rarely gives me a hrmmmup about it. I look around me now and my heart melts at my beautiful home...all neat and clean and harmonious. ...as a home should be.
thank you God.
I have spent a great deal of my life messing with people.....kinda like Rose with Charlie on 3 and half men....people perceive me to be unintelligent , naive, wishywashy, 2 faced, a liar, ...I just hadn't settled into who I am. Nothing I have ever done was with the intention to harm. So much was part of post traumatic stress disorder , once I got a handle on that many things changed with me and my life. In my previous group, which was classified as a support group...I realized all the ways out of ptsd, anxiety, depression, mania, self destruction were all things the Bible teaches....many may think these ways are all new pyschology but these ways were given us from the beginning of time. Odd how we are taught these ways and yet do not live them or are they given to us from others in life. Until we seek mental and emotional health//healing...
I have always lived by what I discovered in the Bible. I have never lived by any other creed.
I have had a relationship with God since I was 11 years old. When I was getting my brain healthy I did throw all that out, some things I have experienced in the supernatural were not from god, not knowing what was true and what was not I gave myself a clean slate.
Most of what I felt was true indeed was/is.
I still am tense most of the time...and in pain, I guess it might be fibermyalsia...bad spelling.....chronic pain......I am treating it as such, not with drugs...I don't go for drugs cus I am feriously independent and being dependent in anyway sends me into depression....
My other group was bad....the guy who ran it was scary. I was scared to leave for years...kinda like a battered wife who wants to leave her abusive husband but fears worse if she does.....I was fearful this guy would rip me up as I had seen him do with others.....in the end there were only 3 people remaining in the group so I felt safe leaving. I am not one to stay in abuse...but I am patient , I know my way out will come. ...not likely I will ever subject myself to abuse in the future now I am clear I do not deserve it as had been brainwashed into me.
I like this group. No one bothers me, gets into my business, no judging, no harrassment and no childish games wrought from jealousy.
I told my husband, I am working on my other beauty now....spent a life time with my inner beauty, it's a done deal there, so now that should be reflected outwardly in my appearance and in our home's apprearance.
I want to find and join a nice church, purely for social reasons. I like christians, they get a bad rap because of radicals, but most are not radicals and go about doing good. They are at least polite by and large and don't get in your face and don't align with pc mentality......really had it with the whole pc movement, so stupid really imploring your ideals on others that way...I have my own opinion, thanks......I don't need yours.
Mike finds peace in clutter...in his home growing up they never did housework...and lived like pigs. They are a nice family, all about doing good but appearances definetly did not fall on their list....My family was completely opposite....all about appearances and never do goods. All these years with mike whenever I have taken steps toward my home, he has yanked me back to his....I am willing to do for others, I am all about everyone being happy. One day a few weeks back, it occured to me that in this "everyone" I have never included myself. Mike used to interprete my cleaning as I must be interested in some other guy...?.......it goes way back our beginning, he was at my apt one day when my ex was coming to pick up the girls and I cleaned that morning, my ex.....he had some nasty lies about me and living in squarlar was one of them, ...Mike resented me caring what my ex thought....though I could care less that is why he is my ex......and that false truth, Mike has carried our whole relationship. Me cleaning=cheating.
So I would build, and he would tear down,...and I would build and he would tear down....and I would build and he would tear down....over and over and over and over......last time was a couple years ago....maybe 3....been a while......I did not know what sent us in that cycle at that time, but I knew it was a repeated cycle from the get go.
Was a path of prayer from then.....first came the realization that he was coming from a place of jealousy and insecurity, had never thought mike at all insecure up until then because I thought only women were insecure....come to find out, Men are equally if not more insecure as women are.
Mike is well over it now, he understands why and how much a home means to me. Now he helps and rarely gives me a hrmmmup about it. I look around me now and my heart melts at my beautiful home...all neat and clean and harmonious. ...as a home should be.
thank you God.
