~ Joy in Your Heart's resilience !

originally posted May 29th, 2009 by SHACHAH

Click to expand...

Well, Jesus, I am getting new insights on the "love" connections in my walk in You. THESE, once full grown and fleshed out, may prove to be fruitful new bits of understanding. That would ROCK for me. I AM weary of going around this same ole dirt track, pacing on this in the Spirit, time-after-time-after-time.

This is what is stacking up for me, so far, in You:

You adore me.
Hubbs, for some unknown reason, does too.
People who You put in my life to grow me toward more of You, love me, in You. Love DOES NOT mean coddle, agree and placate. It means they recognize my crap-side and are not appalled or put off by me... they PRACTICE forgiveness toward me, making a spacious place for my many weaknesses and failings... even laughing about them with me. They allow me to cry, to be sad, to be happy and to be disappointed... they even tolerate, make room for, me to be heartbroken with encouragement, comfort and patience while trying to stir me to move on, coaxing me forward into new life. They celebrate with and support me. They have the fortitude to speak their mind when they disagree or feel I'm on a rabbit-trail away from what's best. They act like You !

Then, there are those who DON'T. They are punitive, impatient, intolerant and harsh.

Okay... no news in those paragraphs. The news comes here:

You create Your Heart IN OTHERS toward me.... AND... ready ? Wait for it.... Here it comes... You DON'T create Your Heart in most for me. AND... that's NOT their fault ! That's Your CHOICE, Jesus. People who don't love me back are as much sign-posts as are those who do ! They are not to be littering my most intimate places with less than You. They are anchors, distractions and extras to my TRUEST purpose in You. Some, may observe and come alongside for a spell, drawn to You in me. Some may BECOME a portion in my walk in You. For the most part, not.

The confounding part is that OFTEN You give ME LOVE for people who don't want love from me. WHY ? That's the part that still needs work inside me before I can understand it. Mostly because I don't know what to DO with it ! I can pray til I'm green and that MAY BE the whole purpose for the love that You give me for them... ? But, it HURTS !!! AND....

Your love is for sharing.

When You give me love for someone, I ache when I can't share it ! I long for the beloved that you burden me for to differing degrees. I hurt to hold it all inside and have no heart to rest love's head on. So,

IF You give love for me to someone, they would have that ache, too. HOW COULD they withhold it ? WHY would they withhold it ? They wouldn't. It would wound them to do so. So, anyone who rejects and abandons me as often as Teknon does is demonstrating a true lack of Your love for me, right ? He would harm himself if he kept harming me and loved me with a Heart that comes from You. So, he couldn't love me with any love that is of You. I thought I saw YOU in him a couple of times, this past time 'round... maybe I just wanted to so very much...


Love is a burden of gravity that takes me low and makes me bow under a weight-of-heart for another... when it is one-way EVEN MORE THAN when it is two-way.

• When it's two-way it also lifts me, refreshes me with new sight, breeds crisp perspectives in the air of each day shared with the beloved, ushers in an island of satisfaction that radiates outward across spance relative to our location on this rock, infuses new health into my being and an alivening clarity that sustains my very breathing.
• When love is one-way it stumbles and crushes me, steals my breath, causes my chest to heave with grief and muddles my thoughts with lonely ponderings. When my love for someone goes unseen, misinterpreted, or worse, rejected, that's some

• That's all one-way does, that I can SEE. I have to rely on great faith that anything more is gleaned in me or in the one loved.

Of course, NO ONE knows that ouch better than YOU, huh ?

I need to learn this part, right here, better:
So, WHY do You do it ? give me love for some who don't want it from me ? Is it a different reason each time, OR, is there some universal understanding that I need to achieve here ?

Teknon knocked the wind out of me, again. He rejects me the most hurtfully with his obvious lack of mercy, and unkindness, repeatedly. I need to understand what is the purpose behind such a costly love... AND.... why does all his ill treatment of me never seem to effect the strength of the love that You give me for him ? That alone seems 'supernaturally' of YOU, Jesus.

Resilience. Your HEART in me is resilient !

It's the same with Hubbs. I KNOW it's Your Heart in me for them both. Yet Hubbs 'gets it,' and HAS IT. "IT" being, Your resilient love that makes room for me AND challenges me to be and do You ! PastorP, M, SassyB, ZJ, PrincessM, bossmanS, rapperK, flouncyC, I guess there aren't too many.... 'get it' and 'have it.' Teknon, rejects it, doesn't get it and doesn't 'have it'... or IF he ever does ( and sometimes I would swear he does ) he can't sustain it past his own needs fulfilled... over and over and over. Why is Your heart in me for him repeatedly unattractive to his spirit ? Why did You give me such a large portion for him ? Does that even matter ? Does he push You away, too ? The fact is, he doesn't want Your love in me for him. I don't get it. I am SOOOOO drawn to anyone that has Your heart for me ! I CAN'T stay away from them.