Lately I have really been struggling with this whole concept of “work your way into it”. That is what the doctor told me to do regarding my ankle. He said I wasn't healed yet, but I was to work my way into regular activities. “Work your way into it”. I cannot think of words that disturb me more right now. It is really hard for me to “work my way” into something. I am a go-getter. Once I put my mind to something, it is no longer a question if or when it will get done. It is in a sense, done already. I do not like to be thought of as lazy or a freeloader. I have always been a very busy person. I pride myself on my ability to get the job done quickly and efficiently. I work hard. I get a task and focus on it until it is completed. I am always on the move. Sitting still for that month on my rear, not being able to get up and do what I wanted when I wanted was horrible. I was miserable. So imagine my joy when the doctor told me that I was able to “work my way into regular activities”. A small semblance of freedom was at my door and I was taking it.
The doctor told me that I was going to have pain for the rest of my life. Regardless of prayers on my behalf and the behalf of others, this has not changed. Every day I am in pain. Every day, I take my medicine to get the pain to a bearable level. Some think that it's because I am doing too much. I want to go “full speed ahead” as Captain Picard would put it. I want to be normal again. I am not “working my way into it”. So I hurt. And that hasn't changed, and I don't foresee the pain changing. Rather what has changed is how I am responding to the pain.
Up until a month ago, my typical response to pain was to walk it off, so to speak. Push through it...persevere. I would work my way through it. I would continue in whatever I was doing until it was complete and I would focus so much on the task at hand, that I would forget about the pain or sickness or whatever it was that was bothering me. At least until the task was completed. Then I would slow down enough to be reminded of the ailment. That is not the case anymore. Now when pain spikes, I am forced to stop whatever I am doing and to sit and rest. Otherwise it becomes too excruciating. This is pain that does not wait or subside. It demands my full attention and care. And that frustrates me to no end. I cannot do things I once did. I just can't.
People say that pain is your body's way of telling you to stop. That it tells you when something is wrong. Well, I have learned that it really does mean stop. And it is not supposed to take no for an answer. It is your body's way of telling you that you need to stop what you are doing and make a change. Man....this lesson really sucks.
The doctor told me that I was going to have pain for the rest of my life. Regardless of prayers on my behalf and the behalf of others, this has not changed. Every day I am in pain. Every day, I take my medicine to get the pain to a bearable level. Some think that it's because I am doing too much. I want to go “full speed ahead” as Captain Picard would put it. I want to be normal again. I am not “working my way into it”. So I hurt. And that hasn't changed, and I don't foresee the pain changing. Rather what has changed is how I am responding to the pain.
Up until a month ago, my typical response to pain was to walk it off, so to speak. Push through it...persevere. I would work my way through it. I would continue in whatever I was doing until it was complete and I would focus so much on the task at hand, that I would forget about the pain or sickness or whatever it was that was bothering me. At least until the task was completed. Then I would slow down enough to be reminded of the ailment. That is not the case anymore. Now when pain spikes, I am forced to stop whatever I am doing and to sit and rest. Otherwise it becomes too excruciating. This is pain that does not wait or subside. It demands my full attention and care. And that frustrates me to no end. I cannot do things I once did. I just can't.
People say that pain is your body's way of telling you to stop. That it tells you when something is wrong. Well, I have learned that it really does mean stop. And it is not supposed to take no for an answer. It is your body's way of telling you that you need to stop what you are doing and make a change. Man....this lesson really sucks.
