Religion has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember, I was never forced fed information, I had youth groups to turn to when questions came up, and when the time was right I gladly welcomed God into my life.
But that was in a small town where it wasn't uncommon to hear religion brought up in everyday life, then you move on to college in a big city and find how hidden religion can really be, and if you attempt to bring it up you fear being cased away with a broom.
I've had my ups and downs, some that bring you to tears just wishing your life would end so you could wake up in heaven, the pain washed away. Sometimes I will pray in these situations like I expect them to solved just because I've prayed, and I know that is wrong.
I turn to media, books, churches, pastors, online devotionals, yet still that unending pain seems like it can never be fixed. I ask why am I mad? Why do I have frustration? I wish I could find a way to spend my time doing something for God rather than worry about those little green pieces of paper that everyone seems to feel is so darn important.
I have moved quite a few times, had multiple jobs that never last long, so I don't make friends, I don't have anyone to talk to that can help, at the end of the day it's just me left with a headache and often I give into sin. I hate knowing that I am sinning yet I can't seem to stop.
Then I think, Is anyone out there? I believe in all my heart that God is real, but I wish I could feel more comforted, living in a land of sin has made me stray from the path with a flashlight that doesn't work, think I dropped the batteries a few years back and never stopped to pick them up.
God is great, and when I read the Bible I feel relaxed up until the point I put it down, then pain, depression, anger, fear all pile back on top of me, and I return to wishing my life was over. Mostly because I feel that I have never done anything with my life that God would be proud of. Living paycheck to paycheck just to pay the bills feels like I'm fighting to keep my head above the water.
I pray for understanding, protection, armor to help fight off sin. Yet it feels like mine has yet to arrive in the mail.
Is anyone out there? Or has my prayers been lost due to some bad connection?
Elphabathropp42
But that was in a small town where it wasn't uncommon to hear religion brought up in everyday life, then you move on to college in a big city and find how hidden religion can really be, and if you attempt to bring it up you fear being cased away with a broom.
I've had my ups and downs, some that bring you to tears just wishing your life would end so you could wake up in heaven, the pain washed away. Sometimes I will pray in these situations like I expect them to solved just because I've prayed, and I know that is wrong.
I turn to media, books, churches, pastors, online devotionals, yet still that unending pain seems like it can never be fixed. I ask why am I mad? Why do I have frustration? I wish I could find a way to spend my time doing something for God rather than worry about those little green pieces of paper that everyone seems to feel is so darn important.
I have moved quite a few times, had multiple jobs that never last long, so I don't make friends, I don't have anyone to talk to that can help, at the end of the day it's just me left with a headache and often I give into sin. I hate knowing that I am sinning yet I can't seem to stop.
Then I think, Is anyone out there? I believe in all my heart that God is real, but I wish I could feel more comforted, living in a land of sin has made me stray from the path with a flashlight that doesn't work, think I dropped the batteries a few years back and never stopped to pick them up.
God is great, and when I read the Bible I feel relaxed up until the point I put it down, then pain, depression, anger, fear all pile back on top of me, and I return to wishing my life was over. Mostly because I feel that I have never done anything with my life that God would be proud of. Living paycheck to paycheck just to pay the bills feels like I'm fighting to keep my head above the water.
I pray for understanding, protection, armor to help fight off sin. Yet it feels like mine has yet to arrive in the mail.
Is anyone out there? Or has my prayers been lost due to some bad connection?
Elphabathropp42
