This morning on the way to work, I had a great talk with God. I thanked Him for taking care of me through everything and for healing me. I thanked Him for hearing my prayers and others' yesterday and coming time my aid. Then I asked Him specifically to help me to no longer struggle with feelings of incompetence at work... to no longer feel like I can't do the things that I can do really well, that I'm perfectly capable of... to no longer be anxious about doing well and to no longer be afraid of succeeding (after having it reinforced for so long that I would only suffer if I attempted to succeed at my old office). I discussed with God how I was aware that everything that I'd struggled with there was from satan and that satan's whole purpose of trying to ruin my life during that time period was to make me INEFFECTIVE. I discussed with God that I'm aware that He's given me so many abilities and that that, combined with the expressive passion that I have for Him, satan doesn't like. I exposed the enemy and prayed to God to give me wisdom, strength, courage, integrity to handle any aftermath from what happened at work. It felt like old times. I left the conversation with God refreshed and replenished. I thought this is what prayer is supposed to be like and I never want to NOT be able to experience this again.
I walked into the building feeling more comfortable in my skin than I have in a long time, more aware of my true value as a person and as an employee, but MUCH MORE importantly more aware that God is my true employer over all. I was more hopeful for things in general to move forward now. I felt light, I felt warmth from God.
It's interesting that at one point in the day someone from my old office location called to speak to my supervisor. My supervisor was on the phone, so I picked up on her line. Susan was on the other end. She said hi and asked me what I was doing. I said politely and friendly, "Hi. Oh, just working... what about you?" Her response: "You're not working. You're just sitting there. You don't work, all you ever do is answer the phone." (This is not true... I do work and I'm not a switchboard operator.) Short pause. I pretended as though she didn't say anything and continued in a friendly manner, "Well, she's still on the other line, do you want to hold for her or would you like for me to take a message?"
It's interesting that my work ethic and integrity was once again attacked... by someone who, of course, doesn't really know me - someone who only knows the slander she's heard about me, only knows what she saw while I was being torn down at her office (she just didn't know what was going on behind the scenes to have things appear that way). It's interesting that that direct attack happened today because it was directly in opposition to the wonderful prayer I had with my Father earlier this morning. In desperation, satan found a willing worker, obviously.
But I'm very happy and uplifted with the way that I handled it. This time there was no, Oh gosh - how do I respond this time? What do I say to that? There was no energy exerted on my part of anxiety, anger, or depression, released as an internal reaction to the toxicity of - once again - being kicked while I'm down. My response was one of recognizing, Hey, look what she's dealing with, what just came out of her. That came out of her, not me. That has nothing to do with me... I'm staying away from that one - hands off. I know who I am and WHOSE I am and have peace in this Truth. What came out of her is not in line with the nature of God so that doesn't even get to go inside of me. I let HER own her own actions and words; I didn't pick up her load and carry it on my back. It didn't belong to me, all that belongs to me is what comes OUT of ME. What came out of me? My response was polite and kind and I kept quiet in response to the recognition of her fault... let her own her own junk and chose to have nothing to do with it.
I am a kind, classy woman of integrity, ability, and high work ethic. Even if I'm told that I'm not over and over again for the rest of my life, I still am... words don't change that. It may hurt immensely after everything that I've endured while under criticism and scrutiny, but I will not hand my effectiveness over to the enemy.
Thank You God... You renew me. Oh, I love You. We're gonna make it.
I walked into the building feeling more comfortable in my skin than I have in a long time, more aware of my true value as a person and as an employee, but MUCH MORE importantly more aware that God is my true employer over all. I was more hopeful for things in general to move forward now. I felt light, I felt warmth from God.
It's interesting that at one point in the day someone from my old office location called to speak to my supervisor. My supervisor was on the phone, so I picked up on her line. Susan was on the other end. She said hi and asked me what I was doing. I said politely and friendly, "Hi. Oh, just working... what about you?" Her response: "You're not working. You're just sitting there. You don't work, all you ever do is answer the phone." (This is not true... I do work and I'm not a switchboard operator.) Short pause. I pretended as though she didn't say anything and continued in a friendly manner, "Well, she's still on the other line, do you want to hold for her or would you like for me to take a message?"
It's interesting that my work ethic and integrity was once again attacked... by someone who, of course, doesn't really know me - someone who only knows the slander she's heard about me, only knows what she saw while I was being torn down at her office (she just didn't know what was going on behind the scenes to have things appear that way). It's interesting that that direct attack happened today because it was directly in opposition to the wonderful prayer I had with my Father earlier this morning. In desperation, satan found a willing worker, obviously.
But I'm very happy and uplifted with the way that I handled it. This time there was no, Oh gosh - how do I respond this time? What do I say to that? There was no energy exerted on my part of anxiety, anger, or depression, released as an internal reaction to the toxicity of - once again - being kicked while I'm down. My response was one of recognizing, Hey, look what she's dealing with, what just came out of her. That came out of her, not me. That has nothing to do with me... I'm staying away from that one - hands off. I know who I am and WHOSE I am and have peace in this Truth. What came out of her is not in line with the nature of God so that doesn't even get to go inside of me. I let HER own her own actions and words; I didn't pick up her load and carry it on my back. It didn't belong to me, all that belongs to me is what comes OUT of ME. What came out of me? My response was polite and kind and I kept quiet in response to the recognition of her fault... let her own her own junk and chose to have nothing to do with it.
I am a kind, classy woman of integrity, ability, and high work ethic. Even if I'm told that I'm not over and over again for the rest of my life, I still am... words don't change that. It may hurt immensely after everything that I've endured while under criticism and scrutiny, but I will not hand my effectiveness over to the enemy.
Thank You God... You renew me. Oh, I love You. We're gonna make it.
