I want this to be my first post. It was something I posted for prayers and also something I posted for help through the Chaplains. I am trusting the good will of God that I will be able to surpass the troubles of this post so that the upcoming posts will be only about the stepping stones of my overcoming that which has ailed me. 
God bless you all. Here is/was my first post.
I believe in God. I believe in Jesus. I believe that Jesus was our savior, because I have heard it in Bible study and at church. I have tried to follow the ways of our Lord countless times. In the beginning, I was a child who was never brought up into one faith alone, and so was unable to grasp onto one teaching and bear my beliefs into one church's credos. When I was a teenager, I tried again, giving what I thought was the best of me to the work of God, but I think that even then I didn't fully grasp it... although I must admit I was a bit more fearful of God when I was younger. Today, I stand denominational except for in that inner voice that still tells me that I must go back to my faith, that I must return to worshiping, that I need to go back to church and find my calling. But I feel utterly lost in the attempt. The reason? Last year, I felt like I fell from God's grace. It was the worst of feelings... like I had lost God's voice, like He wasn't listening to me, like He was ignoring me... much like David felt in that Psalm. Butthat was not the worst of it. The worst was the heart break. I felt like I had broken up with a great love of mine. I felt like my heart was literally breaking. I cried and I asked of Him what was happening, I prayed but as of today have not found a way back to feeling Him as I did.
I have no church. I tried going to a couple of churchs in the past two years, but it didn't work out so well. I feel a little lost in what the truth is concerned. Every church seems to have their own truth about certain things... such as the last church I went to. They spoke of how worshiping God is all about the riches that we earn from being His sons and daughters, that we are the princes and princesses of this Earth and that we will become Kings and Queens, emphasizing more on the material gain than in the spiritual gain. They have, for example, a practice called the "sow". As in "you reap what you sow". You can "sow" anything. A car, a pair of shoes you love, a thousand dollars... anything that God tells you to. And the belief is that God will multiply whatever you give in return. Such as if you give a thousand dollars, you will get back a million. But... I always thought that God's word called on His children to be humble, so that if He sends us to give a man the shoes on our feet we give them away to that man, not expectant to receive anything in return but simply because we are doing His will, because we are being Obedient to his word.
And so there are so many other beliefs from so many churches that I just can't find my way into one faith, because they are all created by man and they all have great faults. I just can't find the real truth of our Lord in them. I just can't find the God of love, the God of greater power, the God of purpose, the God that can be seen in all of nature's beauty... the God that sent His only son into this world to die for our sins because he loved us so. I can't find Him in all of these so called churches of today, where no longer a simple cross or the name of the church adorns their doorway, but instead there is a picture of the pastor and his wife, as if it were THEIR church, as if THEY were the holy and powerful that bring us peace... As if THEY were God! Moreover, I can't find my God in those churches that constantly badger other churches with biased commentaries without looking at the speck in their own eye first. I admit to being a sinner, I admit to having no one denomination except for this one: I believe that there exists a God more powerful than anything that is around, beyond, above, and beneath me, and that His son Jesus Christ was given to us to save us from our sins.
But now what? What do I do with this? What do I do with this belief? What do I do, where do I go, if the entire world has been tainted by man's own greed and I can find no one holy place to follow His word in? Do I sit at home, quietly, and read the Bible on my own? But, who will teach me what I can't understand? What if I never again hear God's voice again? What if, even doing this on my own I cannot hear Him? What if I really need to be congregated? How will I ever know if I'm understanding what was meant to be understood? Moreover... what will I do with it all once I am finished and I need to learn more? What do I do when I need more of God, when the Bible is not enough and I need to be closer to Him, who will teach me?
People have told me to just go to different churches and that when I feel right then this is the place where I must stay. But, how do I know that this is the true path? Is there only one true church, or are all the churches in the world a different path to one sole purpose? Is that how God intended it, or did we make it so? I am very lost, very confused, and very hurt by my own transgressions, by the past that I've led, and by the present I'm facing, not Godless but without religion, and I feel as though this keeps me away from God even more. Partly, this is my fault, but the other part I attribute to my religious past. Since I was a child, my mother had me jumping from one church to another, from one faith to another. It did not help that on her side of the family most of he women practice santeria and my mother grew up with many superstitions that she still can't let go off and which she passed on to me and to my sister.
I guess what I have tried to say here, in a very large amount of words, is that I need someone to guide me and tell me what to do. I pray that someone can help me, or that you may at least pray for me and just... please, ask God to guide me back to Him, to tell me where to go, what to do, what to say? I thank you, anyone who's out there reading this, for your prayer in advance, and for any help that you can give me.
God bless you all. Here is/was my first post.
I believe in God. I believe in Jesus. I believe that Jesus was our savior, because I have heard it in Bible study and at church. I have tried to follow the ways of our Lord countless times. In the beginning, I was a child who was never brought up into one faith alone, and so was unable to grasp onto one teaching and bear my beliefs into one church's credos. When I was a teenager, I tried again, giving what I thought was the best of me to the work of God, but I think that even then I didn't fully grasp it... although I must admit I was a bit more fearful of God when I was younger. Today, I stand denominational except for in that inner voice that still tells me that I must go back to my faith, that I must return to worshiping, that I need to go back to church and find my calling. But I feel utterly lost in the attempt. The reason? Last year, I felt like I fell from God's grace. It was the worst of feelings... like I had lost God's voice, like He wasn't listening to me, like He was ignoring me... much like David felt in that Psalm. Butthat was not the worst of it. The worst was the heart break. I felt like I had broken up with a great love of mine. I felt like my heart was literally breaking. I cried and I asked of Him what was happening, I prayed but as of today have not found a way back to feeling Him as I did.
I have no church. I tried going to a couple of churchs in the past two years, but it didn't work out so well. I feel a little lost in what the truth is concerned. Every church seems to have their own truth about certain things... such as the last church I went to. They spoke of how worshiping God is all about the riches that we earn from being His sons and daughters, that we are the princes and princesses of this Earth and that we will become Kings and Queens, emphasizing more on the material gain than in the spiritual gain. They have, for example, a practice called the "sow". As in "you reap what you sow". You can "sow" anything. A car, a pair of shoes you love, a thousand dollars... anything that God tells you to. And the belief is that God will multiply whatever you give in return. Such as if you give a thousand dollars, you will get back a million. But... I always thought that God's word called on His children to be humble, so that if He sends us to give a man the shoes on our feet we give them away to that man, not expectant to receive anything in return but simply because we are doing His will, because we are being Obedient to his word.
And so there are so many other beliefs from so many churches that I just can't find my way into one faith, because they are all created by man and they all have great faults. I just can't find the real truth of our Lord in them. I just can't find the God of love, the God of greater power, the God of purpose, the God that can be seen in all of nature's beauty... the God that sent His only son into this world to die for our sins because he loved us so. I can't find Him in all of these so called churches of today, where no longer a simple cross or the name of the church adorns their doorway, but instead there is a picture of the pastor and his wife, as if it were THEIR church, as if THEY were the holy and powerful that bring us peace... As if THEY were God! Moreover, I can't find my God in those churches that constantly badger other churches with biased commentaries without looking at the speck in their own eye first. I admit to being a sinner, I admit to having no one denomination except for this one: I believe that there exists a God more powerful than anything that is around, beyond, above, and beneath me, and that His son Jesus Christ was given to us to save us from our sins.
But now what? What do I do with this? What do I do with this belief? What do I do, where do I go, if the entire world has been tainted by man's own greed and I can find no one holy place to follow His word in? Do I sit at home, quietly, and read the Bible on my own? But, who will teach me what I can't understand? What if I never again hear God's voice again? What if, even doing this on my own I cannot hear Him? What if I really need to be congregated? How will I ever know if I'm understanding what was meant to be understood? Moreover... what will I do with it all once I am finished and I need to learn more? What do I do when I need more of God, when the Bible is not enough and I need to be closer to Him, who will teach me?
People have told me to just go to different churches and that when I feel right then this is the place where I must stay. But, how do I know that this is the true path? Is there only one true church, or are all the churches in the world a different path to one sole purpose? Is that how God intended it, or did we make it so? I am very lost, very confused, and very hurt by my own transgressions, by the past that I've led, and by the present I'm facing, not Godless but without religion, and I feel as though this keeps me away from God even more. Partly, this is my fault, but the other part I attribute to my religious past. Since I was a child, my mother had me jumping from one church to another, from one faith to another. It did not help that on her side of the family most of he women practice santeria and my mother grew up with many superstitions that she still can't let go off and which she passed on to me and to my sister.
I guess what I have tried to say here, in a very large amount of words, is that I need someone to guide me and tell me what to do. I pray that someone can help me, or that you may at least pray for me and just... please, ask God to guide me back to Him, to tell me where to go, what to do, what to say? I thank you, anyone who's out there reading this, for your prayer in advance, and for any help that you can give me.
