I'm unable to repent please help

My name is celina I was saved recently and The Lord has done amazing things in my life outed his wisdom on me so beautiful supreme is the only word to discribe it but I recently have been having some seriously dangerous spiritual problems thinking and saying negative things to The Lord I want to repent but feel like I can't I think I blasphemed the Holy Ghost I'm truley sorry and want to live for Jesus to love other Christian. Brothers and sisters my heart was right with. Him I need help He came to me and before I was going to slep experiencing and feeling his goodness he asked me to be faithful and I promised I called him my king and I heard another voice telling me to go to bed and I listened I'm sorry and I want to make it up to him I was growing beautifully in the lords preconceived my face was shining with his glory but I think. That I did something terrible blasphemed the spirit of the father I need help please if The Lord speaks to you on this subject please let me know