Soo, I'm having a very difficult time right now. Me and my boyfriend are having some problems in our relationship and I know that i am better than how I've been acting lately. I've been getting sad when he wants to have "boys night" and kind of jealous because I don't have any friends to hang out with. I've been getting really sad about the weather because it's been snowy, and whenever it gets like that, I get sad. I want to move somewhere where its always warm, like Hawaii or California...I just don't think he wants to move with me. He says he does but if it really came down to it, he wouldn't be willing to give up hs job and everything just so that i could be happy and warm. It just doesn't work like that. I always imagined my husband being someone who I can totally brag about, ya know? And someone who i'd be completely happy with but i don't know if i could do it with Jordan. I mean, maybe its me, I dk but I'm feeling like something desperately needs to change!! I'm screwing things up here and thats not what I need to be doing. I need to lean on God when I'm in a struggle like this. So this message is for you God. I'm telling all of this to you! I really need to find a job!! I feel really bad because I have to spend the whole rest of my break with my gparents, and thats ok because I get to do things for them and make sure they're ok, but I feel like I have no life myself. I have no job, no friends, my boyfriend doesn't really want to hang out with me 24/7 I know i wouldn't want to do that either, we need time apart. I've been really selfish lately too. And i have been avoiding my sister, I'm not sure why but i always have. Ohhh man i am just soooo confused and stuff...what if i have some sort of mental illness of somekind? Gosh, I really need to get more involved with people, like volunteer somewhere along with getting a job. And I cant wait to go back to school, oh yeah i need to find out what books I can get and when I can get them and where to!! Ohh jeez. My life is crazy right now and I can't wait to get out of this, but I don't want to get out of it when I haven't learned anything but I definitely want to learn something! And grow closer to God too!! Thats the main thing is I want to glorify God...I remember I said thats all I need to worry about and here I am worrying about Jordan and getting a job and all of the other earthly things I don't need to worry about so much because remember worrying is not trusting in God to take care of things, which means I'm not taking care of things very well right now...Ohh man this is no bueno. 
but what do I do? I need to focus on God to take care of things, I need to re focus my life and what my goals are. The thing is though, do I really want to marry Jordan? He is a very. very nice guy but there are some things about him that I don't really like, which come with any person I meet, but lets see if the things I don't like are accountable for a breakup...ok:
1. He doesn't share his love for God enough and doesn't help to focus our relationship on God.
2. He lets me down a lot. (that could be something i need to work on)
3. He is more like a dad than a boyfriend.
4. He is a weenie lol
5. I don't understand politics and he talks about them a lot, which means I don't really understand what he says most of the time.
6. He is mostly negative.
Ok thats about all I can think of...
*But I'm sure he has a list of things for me, I haven't been the best girlfriend ever, and for some reason he still wants to be with me. But here are the reasons why i don't want to break up with him...In order from most to least:
1. I would be alone
2. I would miss him soo much!
3. I wouldn't have any friends to grieve with
4. I wouldn't get to hang out with his friends or family.
5. I would be a lot worse off (he pays for most things for me)
6. I would be very depressed.
7. I would wonder if I made the right choice and perhaps cause more damage in the long run.
8. It would be over for good.
*But there are some good things that come along with a break up like that:
1. My relationship with God would grow a whole lot!
2. It just means that I still haven't found the one who God wants me to be with, and the search will continue
3. I could work on becoming someone worth marrying!
4. I could move with no strings attached...maybe!
5. I could focus more on other things, like school and a job(if i get one)
6. I could make a whole lot more friends!!
Well, I don't really know what to do...I guess time will tell. God, I need to talk with you a whole lot more on this subject!! Thanks for being there for me!!
but what do I do? I need to focus on God to take care of things, I need to re focus my life and what my goals are. The thing is though, do I really want to marry Jordan? He is a very. very nice guy but there are some things about him that I don't really like, which come with any person I meet, but lets see if the things I don't like are accountable for a breakup...ok:1. He doesn't share his love for God enough and doesn't help to focus our relationship on God.
2. He lets me down a lot. (that could be something i need to work on)
3. He is more like a dad than a boyfriend.
4. He is a weenie lol
5. I don't understand politics and he talks about them a lot, which means I don't really understand what he says most of the time.
6. He is mostly negative.
Ok thats about all I can think of...
*But I'm sure he has a list of things for me, I haven't been the best girlfriend ever, and for some reason he still wants to be with me. But here are the reasons why i don't want to break up with him...In order from most to least:
1. I would be alone
2. I would miss him soo much!
3. I wouldn't have any friends to grieve with
4. I wouldn't get to hang out with his friends or family.
5. I would be a lot worse off (he pays for most things for me)
6. I would be very depressed.
7. I would wonder if I made the right choice and perhaps cause more damage in the long run.
8. It would be over for good.
*But there are some good things that come along with a break up like that:
1. My relationship with God would grow a whole lot!
2. It just means that I still haven't found the one who God wants me to be with, and the search will continue
3. I could work on becoming someone worth marrying!
4. I could move with no strings attached...maybe!
5. I could focus more on other things, like school and a job(if i get one)
6. I could make a whole lot more friends!!
Well, I don't really know what to do...I guess time will tell. God, I need to talk with you a whole lot more on this subject!! Thanks for being there for me!!
