I think I figured out on how to combat my compulsion. Leave the apartment, and take walks outside.
These compulsive thoughts are probably going to kill me. I have to figurs out a way to make myself happy, even though I am unloved and unliked.
I have heard people committing suicide because they felt unloved. That is no answer. Life is a gift. And I am wasting it worrrying about who likes me or who loves me and who doesn't like me or love me.
Well, my family loves me. But it's kind of embarrassing that the only kind of love I recieve is my family. You ever see the animated show Mulan? Do you remember the part where they are about to go to war, and they are singing about the women that love them and are going home to? And one of the guys sings "I've got a girl back home who is not like any other." And another guy responds, "the only girl who'd love him is his mother." That is what it's like for me. Except I have no desire to be with a girl that way. That's disgusting. I am a non-practicing homosexual. I just don't live the lifestyle, for God hates it and I don't want to anger him and deal with his eternal wrath.
This is my life. But hey, what can I do? One thing I know not to do is commit sucide. Like the song says "I will survive." Committing sucide because other people may hate me or they just don't care about me, maybe because of the gay situation or they just think I am weird, is giving them power they don't deserve. I won't give them that power any more. I am better than that.
Yes, they have the power to harm the body. But ultimately my life is in God's hands. And if someone was to kill me, it was because God gave them that temperarily power. And I know God won't put me in a situation I can't handle.
So no one is going to cause me to commit suicide.
I WILL SURVIVE!!!
These compulsive thoughts are probably going to kill me. I have to figurs out a way to make myself happy, even though I am unloved and unliked.
I have heard people committing suicide because they felt unloved. That is no answer. Life is a gift. And I am wasting it worrrying about who likes me or who loves me and who doesn't like me or love me.
Well, my family loves me. But it's kind of embarrassing that the only kind of love I recieve is my family. You ever see the animated show Mulan? Do you remember the part where they are about to go to war, and they are singing about the women that love them and are going home to? And one of the guys sings "I've got a girl back home who is not like any other." And another guy responds, "the only girl who'd love him is his mother." That is what it's like for me. Except I have no desire to be with a girl that way. That's disgusting. I am a non-practicing homosexual. I just don't live the lifestyle, for God hates it and I don't want to anger him and deal with his eternal wrath.
This is my life. But hey, what can I do? One thing I know not to do is commit sucide. Like the song says "I will survive." Committing sucide because other people may hate me or they just don't care about me, maybe because of the gay situation or they just think I am weird, is giving them power they don't deserve. I won't give them that power any more. I am better than that.
Yes, they have the power to harm the body. But ultimately my life is in God's hands. And if someone was to kill me, it was because God gave them that temperarily power. And I know God won't put me in a situation I can't handle.
So no one is going to cause me to commit suicide.
I WILL SURVIVE!!!
