So I was just thinking about this today, for various reasons.. and I was wondering on what you ladies felt about not telling family about a pregnancy? No, I'm not going to be one of those ladies who just tells everyone she's getting fat and tries to hide it from everyone and lives in denial. Its not about any of that at all.
I was just reading an article about not telling family until the third trimester, and I started thinking about what I would do when I'm pregnant. Because I'm not horribly close to any of my family members. I mean, I am fairly close with extended family. They love me and I love them.. but they definitely aren't people I'd tell everything to.
I think my biggest reason is knowing I'll want to have my pregnancy a happy, intimate moment between just me and Mike. And I'd want it stress free as possible. Its not that I wont tell anyone, I would tell my Mike's close family, best friends, my employer, etc. I'll want the support of best friends and Mikes grandparents, and my employer does need to know [eventually lol].
I would want to not tell to avoid all that drama and do things MY way. They are all very opinionated about EVERYTHING, they tend to like to speak their minds. So they are likely to ask me what my plans are for my baby and if they don't like my plans they'll start voicing opposition [which I find to be very disrespectful, I never voiced negative opinions about their parenting! And their kids aren't perfect either.. so let me do it my way
]. Plus, they always talk about how I can't do things.. but I know I can. And when the time comes I want to afford the child just me and Mike. I know that babies are really expensive, but me and Mike wont be trying until our finances are in check anyways. Basically, they just don't know me all that well.
My main question is... honestly, how would you feel if a family member didn't tell you about their pregnancy? Would you be over the top offended, peeved, upset, etc? And how would you feel as a specific member of the family not being told? As an uncle I can imagine it being less hurtful than your own child not telling of a pregnancy.
Some comments I was reading on the other article had a bunch of outraged people. They were saying how family is entitled to know, how it means you don't trust/love them to not tell, etc. I just feel that if I want this to be a private event between the people I'm really close to, then its my choice. Though honestly I can see saying that going over badly. I'd tell Mikes family right away and update them on all the news, but my family.. I wouldn't want to tell them until I was settled in after having the baby, then I'd make phone calls / visit or whatever. How rude is that? Its not as bad as just excluding the child entirely from their lives, right? Would it be any less offensive to announce it in the third trimester rather than right after birth?
I know I'm way ahead of myself, and things may change. I do believe some things will change when I move out and such. I'll be able to chose when people can see me, whether I want to talk to people, etc. Does any of this make sense? Honestly, I don't see all the family members that much, its not like I'll be lying that my pregnant belly is just fat or something. I sometimes see them once a month as it is, and probably will less by the time I move out. So I'm not all that close to them - emotionally or physically. But being very dramatic, I imagine they would start a fuss no matter what I chose to do..
Thanks for all opinions! Honestly, I'd love to hear all points of view! I expect as seen from a normal, close family, that you'd find the idea of not telling odd. But from a dysfunctional family unit is it all that bad? I don't plan on having them an integral part of the childs life either. I'd see them for some family events, and I'd occasionally let them babysit [cause I know one of my aunts already told me she will always love to babysit my future kids]. But for the most part they wont be.
Haha, that was long... but yeah, I'm looking forward to opinions!
I was just reading an article about not telling family until the third trimester, and I started thinking about what I would do when I'm pregnant. Because I'm not horribly close to any of my family members. I mean, I am fairly close with extended family. They love me and I love them.. but they definitely aren't people I'd tell everything to.
I think my biggest reason is knowing I'll want to have my pregnancy a happy, intimate moment between just me and Mike. And I'd want it stress free as possible. Its not that I wont tell anyone, I would tell my Mike's close family, best friends, my employer, etc. I'll want the support of best friends and Mikes grandparents, and my employer does need to know [eventually lol].
I would want to not tell to avoid all that drama and do things MY way. They are all very opinionated about EVERYTHING, they tend to like to speak their minds. So they are likely to ask me what my plans are for my baby and if they don't like my plans they'll start voicing opposition [which I find to be very disrespectful, I never voiced negative opinions about their parenting! And their kids aren't perfect either.. so let me do it my way
]. Plus, they always talk about how I can't do things.. but I know I can. And when the time comes I want to afford the child just me and Mike. I know that babies are really expensive, but me and Mike wont be trying until our finances are in check anyways. Basically, they just don't know me all that well. My main question is... honestly, how would you feel if a family member didn't tell you about their pregnancy? Would you be over the top offended, peeved, upset, etc? And how would you feel as a specific member of the family not being told? As an uncle I can imagine it being less hurtful than your own child not telling of a pregnancy.
Some comments I was reading on the other article had a bunch of outraged people. They were saying how family is entitled to know, how it means you don't trust/love them to not tell, etc. I just feel that if I want this to be a private event between the people I'm really close to, then its my choice. Though honestly I can see saying that going over badly. I'd tell Mikes family right away and update them on all the news, but my family.. I wouldn't want to tell them until I was settled in after having the baby, then I'd make phone calls / visit or whatever. How rude is that? Its not as bad as just excluding the child entirely from their lives, right? Would it be any less offensive to announce it in the third trimester rather than right after birth?
I know I'm way ahead of myself, and things may change. I do believe some things will change when I move out and such. I'll be able to chose when people can see me, whether I want to talk to people, etc. Does any of this make sense? Honestly, I don't see all the family members that much, its not like I'll be lying that my pregnant belly is just fat or something. I sometimes see them once a month as it is, and probably will less by the time I move out. So I'm not all that close to them - emotionally or physically. But being very dramatic, I imagine they would start a fuss no matter what I chose to do..
Thanks for all opinions! Honestly, I'd love to hear all points of view! I expect as seen from a normal, close family, that you'd find the idea of not telling odd. But from a dysfunctional family unit is it all that bad? I don't plan on having them an integral part of the childs life either. I'd see them for some family events, and I'd occasionally let them babysit [cause I know one of my aunts already told me she will always love to babysit my future kids]. But for the most part they wont be.
Haha, that was long... but yeah, I'm looking forward to opinions!
